Laying Awake

[ry1987]

My anxiety is so intense right now. I'm worrying about everything there is to worry about. Tomorrow I have to go to a doctor appointment with my grandpa because he cannot go alone...and I've had this weird feeling all day long that I'm going to die tomorrow. I'm almost fearful of actually typing out that sentence. He's the one driving because two years ago I was in a car accident and haven't been able to drive since due to extreme fear. It really got to me. It scares me to ride in a car with him because I don't exactly trust his eye sight. The entire ride will be at 60 miles per hour and that makes me feel sick to think about. *sigh* On top of that I'm worried about facing my social anxiety because I will have to talk to his doctor. What if I freak out in the middle of talking to him? I come off as a pretty normal person I think but inside I am broken. But aside from my outing tomorrow..I also feel the anxiety that feels like something is about to happen at any second. Like someone is about to burst down my door. I feel like people are out for me...All of these things and more bottled up into one person are really intense to feel. It's been nearly 5 years since the original me was lost. I wish I could find her and stop all this pain.

[NixonRulz]

I hope as you read this you had a suucessful trip to the doctor.
I feel your pain. Good God that sounds like my story.

What if What if What if. It took me years to stop taking those words seriously and realize that thoughts like that are simply anxiety symptoms.
Hard to believe that when you are experiencing them but you need to understand that when you are thinking that way, pay no attention to it because that is just a symptom of anxiety.
On top of that I'm worried about facing my social anxiety because I will have to talk to his doctor. What if I freak out in the middle of talking to him?
SOOOO WHAAATTTT !!!!! Have you ever freaked out when talking to someone? If anything, you probably felt the panic rush and just left the room or area. Well maybe this time I really will? No you won't. The way nobody knew I was having panic attacks is that they can not see them. I was carving the turkey in front of my whole family during Thanksgiving a few years back and had a full blown panic attack out of nowhere.
I don't even think I stopped carving and not a one of them knew it was happening.
You still are the original you and just like people with diseases, back problems, headache, speech problems and the list goes on, you need to accept this is who you are. Not your fault and there is nothing you could have done to change it.
The hardest thing is not taking your mental and physical symptoms too seriously. Easier said than done I know. When you ask yourself a "what if" question, try answering the question.
What if I go there and I feel like I need to run out? So what, I will feel scared for a few minutes and this feeling will, just as always go away.
I have lots of faith in you.

[ry1987]

Thank you very much. It ended up being a painless thing in the end..even managed to crack a joke and get the dr laughing. I didn't even really think about it. It just happened. But even though this was an overall good experience I still know the feelings will continue to knock at my door. I will do my best to keep in mind what you've said. It's true.

[NixonRulz]

[QUOTE="ry1987;83245"]Thank you very much. It ended up being a painless thing in the end..even managed to crack a joke and get the dr laughing. I didn't even really think about it. It just happened. But even though this was an overall good experience I still know the feelings will continue to knock at my door. I will do my best to keep in mind what you've said. It's true.

I'm glad to hear it was a success. Celebrate it as such.


You are correct, the feelings will come again.

And guess what? You won't be in danger and it will end just fine. Just like every other time!