conversation anxiety

[omoplata]

I am so envious of those people that have the gift of gab. When I talk to people I get so nervous that my thought process gets screwed up and the words and conversation become awkward and uncomfortable. Also I always get tongue tied when leaving messages on phones. Is this a type of social anxiety? Does anybody else feel like this?

[alankay]

Absolutely Social Anxiety. You're too self conscious like many. You, like I was, over analyse and over self monitor all your actions and words. Just social anxiety. It is a form of obsessing which a low dose of an ssri(prozac in my case) and plain old experience with this realization helped. I know some feel I mention meds too much but, well, it helped me a great deal with SA. Alankay.

[omoplata]

Absolutely Social Anxiety. You're too self conscious like many. You, like I was, over analyse and over self monitor all your actions and words. Just social anxiety. It is a form of obsessing which a low dose of an ssri(prozac in my case) and plain old experience with this realization helped. I know some feel I mention meds too much but, well, it helped me a great deal with SA. Alankay.

All my life I felt like this. I think that if I could just rid myself of this anxiety then the sky would be the limit. Prozac....hmmm. Might be worth talking to my doc about. Thanks!

[armygrl282]

I have the same problem. I get nervous even in social situations like college. The first day when you have to stand up and say a few words about yourself was so scary I almost left before it was my turn. Talking to people can be so nerve racking that it's hard to keep friends or put yourself in social situations :/

[sazco]

i used to shake studder sweat and forget words but ever since peroxetine its been way more manageable.

trust me youre not alone first days are nerve racking anyways.

[Loohna]

I also experience pretty severe social anxiety. I'm in college, and I can barely work up the courage to talk to anyone. I haven't made any friends in the three years I've been there. I have an extremely hard time making conversation, and when I do, I just scrutinize every single thing that I want to say so much that I eventually just decide not to say it. I can't imagine being one of those people who can start a conversation with anyone, and I am so envious of the people that can. You are definitely not alone in this, there are a ton of other people who are experiencing the same thing that you are. Sometimes in situations like this, it helps me to remember that other people can't usually tell how incredibly nervous I am. Even if I think I am making a fool out of myself, or that someone is judging me, it's generally not true, it's just the way that I am interpreting the situation. I've started reading this book- "The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" and it's been incredibly helpful to me with my social anxiety. I would definitely recommend that you take a look at it

[omoplata]

I also experience pretty severe social anxiety. I'm in college, and I can barely work up the courage to talk to anyone. I haven't made any friends in the three years I've been there. I have an extremely hard time making conversation, and when I do, I just scrutinize every single thing that I want to say so much that I eventually just decide not to say it. I can't imagine being one of those people who can start a conversation with anyone, and I am so envious of the people that can. You are definitely not alone in this, there are a ton of other people who are experiencing the same thing that you are. Sometimes in situations like this, it helps me to remember that other people can't usually tell how incredibly nervous I am. Even if I think I am making a fool out of myself, or that someone is judging me, it's generally not true, it's just the way that I am interpreting the situation. I've started reading this book- "The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" and it's been incredibly helpful to me with my social anxiety. I would definitely recommend that you take a look at it

So today I was at a lunch with family and friends. I was strapped with anxiety while everyone else seemed to be enjoying the moment and being in each others company. At one point I was so nervous that my forehead started to perspire. I will look for this book.

[streakybacon]

Omoplata, I can relate to that. Its nerve recking being in a group of people that are chatting n havin a bit of banter, I would get very self concious when their attention turns to me and start sweating and get my words in a muddle.

[Alex010096]

Oh my goodness, it's so good to read that other people experience the same kinds of things that I do. I can't really get close to anyone because it is so hard just to converse.
Thank you so much for sharing your stories. You all made me feel like I'm not alone tonight. <3

[Nelly]

Hi,
Experienced often exactly the same as you all describe here. All of my life it's been a theme- in and out of sync with myself, I would call it.
Like I wrote earlier: I felt so bad at one point I thought the only way was a ten day intensive meditation course in silence. I took it in the center in Sweden. Vipassana meditation techniqes. really simple technique called ana panna , which is observe the breath touching inside your nostrils.
yes, thats it
:-)

the nostrils. observe them. be aware of whatthey feel like when the breath passes through them in ord own tempo.
Website: dhamma.org if your interested. An it's run by donations, so u are only allowed to pay for it if you finish, and you decide your self, how much- if anything at all - you want to pay for it. Nice, right? :)

Anyway, reading your posts made me think that it's outrageous that young smart people like you guys - high school students - should walk around in a mental prison. An so many of us have felt similar in high school - but what I wanted to share is my maybe somewhat provocative point, that these feelings serve us some kind of purpose. Maybe u think differently about it.
But I like to think of my preoccupation with my self as an expression of my fear to grow up. I feel social phobia because I am afraid of talking responsibility for who I am and what I say.
Earlier I said things that were rejected and ridiculed by my parents and others, so I started to hide and try to control every little but I said and did.
But I dried me out, It absolutely tirering to live like this. Both for u and the people around you.
I was Really tense and irritating to my self and others I believe.

To me it is a question of talking the responsibility for my actions and for what I say. Do you have the same perception of social phobia, or are you more understanding your problems as:' my particular brain has a low ...something in Latin .... So if I take the med, then I am fine' ?
Many people say med helps them, but is it enough- does the problem not lie somewhere else but the obvious symptoms? Is the problem not exactly that we as social phobics ;-) sorry for generalizing;), are just plainly afraid of facing our inner fears and conquer them?
To me my fears take the shape of shadows on a wall that look like big scary dragons, but now I am an adult, now I have the courage to take my inner child by the hand, and show her that it is only the wind playing with the curtains.

[Alex010096]

I think that for me, social anxiety has to do with how I was trained to be throughout my life. Being very sensitive to the people around me helped me to cope at home. Now that I've been living away from home for a few years, I'm still working on trying to 'reprogram'.
My therapist also explained that anxiety is the work of the nervous system. A fight or flight response that enabled humankind to survive historically. Today, we've inherited that trait but don't face the same kind of challenges we once did. That is why people become anxious. Some of us are just more prone to this than others, I guess

[sazco]

I think that for me, social anxiety has to do with how I was trained to be throughout my life. Being very sensitive to the people around me helped me to cope at home. Now that I've been living away from home for a few years, I'm still working on trying to 'reprogram'.
My therapist also explained that anxiety is the work of the nervous system. A fight or flight response that enabled humankind to survive historically. Today, we've inherited that trait but don't face the same kind of challenges we once did. That is why people become anxious. Some of us are just more prone to this than others, I guess

how did being sensitive help you cope at home?

[Alex010096]

By avoiding confrontation. Being sensitive allowed me to notice what mood swings my step-father might have, etc.

[Nelly]

Hi Alex and co.

Interesting what u write about coping with situations at home growing up- for better or worse i guess?- and now your situation has changed, and your strategy doesn't apply anymore.
I think I have been and probably still am going through such a phase. Well, so what is your situation right now? What is the real bugger in your life after you left the former ' bugger': step dads unpredictable moods.?

Maybe an answer to that q, would reveal which coping strategy you would tend to use.

Pretty abstract q actually...:) dont even know if i could answer it my self ..but I will think about it till tomorrow. :)

[Nelly]

Also interesting about the word : reprogram.

Yes! I think a lot of us in here would benefit from a positive and kind reprogramming!!! Just imagine what sort of person we'd be, if we could live with our 'dream program' ...;) in stead of bad thoughts then just having no thoughts or just having jokes and good ideas and kindness to share with others. That is my dream program!! :D
Get all happy when I think about it :) thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences everyone! Since I entered this forum a week ago, I have actually been just more stable and strong in my everyday life. I feel like I have a security in this site and you anonymous but super super present and open hearted people . I don't even know where on earth you guys are writing from. It is a strange little planet

[Alex010096]

Nelly,

I'd say that today the major issue is me being mean to myself. I'm a perfectionist because I know I'll get mad at me if I don't get everything perfect.
Also, I don't mind saying that I'm from Canada just out of curiosity to see from where around the world others are from :) only being on here a few days, I already feel like I'm within a community.

[Lin]

I have never been able to make idle talk to people in groups etc, and find it extremely hard. When I am well people never believe me because I come over as confident in my job, but I have having to make social talk with people even when well. So this time with anxiety and depression I have completely stopped my social life, with old friends and work colleagues. I used to go to lunch with friends nearly 5 days a week and we used to go out with friends at weekends but for two years now since my depression started i just can't do it.
I can talk and meet anyone while at work, and concentrate, but once outside of work I either can't think what to say or go into overdrive and can't stop. Even if I have worked with someone on a Friday, if I manage to go into town early on a Saturday to one shop, and see that colleague, I will walk the other way rather than speak to them. I then text to apologise in case they have seen me as don't want to offend people and lose friends. It is really difficult once stopped socialising to keep friends up by texts, e-mails, facebook etc, but if they are true friends they will wait for you to get better, so try not to worry too much.

[Alex010096]

Lin,

Do you think you're an introvert or an extrovert or some mixture? Sometimes we just need to do what makes us happy. If you still want to meet up with your friends, why don't you ask them to spend time with you one-on-one, for short periods of time? It might give you the social time that you crave (I think?) without being overwhelming.
Speaking from personal experience, seeing friends without preparing for them can be terrifying. I'm sure if you're texting them to let them know what's going on, they won't be hurt. :)

[Lin]

I think I always come over as an extrovert, but really not inside. So people expect me to be really confident when well and are surprised when I am not.

To get back to work after 5 months sick in 2011 I started meeting friends for lunch, one at a time in a quite cafe near work and just once a week, and it helped me get back to work. So I thought once I was back to work the social side of my life would come back too, but this time it just hasn't

The last two weeks i have pushed my head and met some friends for coffee or lunch and tried shops sometimes, because got to go back to work soon again now knees nearly over operations but it has been really hard.

My husband hates it if I do manage to go out and I go into overdrive, he says it is so embarrassing when I just ramble on and on, like I do in texts and e-mails at moment, and in these messages!

I only need the smallest thing to go wrong before something I have tried to plan to do, and I will cancel it and just avoid pushing myself.

Had post natal depression many times over 28 years of married life, and this is the first time that socialising has been a problem, can't even go and watch my local team play football where we are lifetime season ticket holders because I can't stand the noise of the tannoy or people in front, behind etc and ruin it for my husband because start to swing leg etc which he hates.

[Alex010096]

I'm sorry that it's so hard for you, especially with your husband acting that way. Is there any way you could explain it to him that would get him to be a little more respectful of your feelings and struggles?
Also, maybe you should let your introverted self surface. It helps to give yourself lots of 'me-time' if you're getting stressed about being around other people. No one will blame you for taking time to yourself. If they do, they're not worth your attention, anyways.