Emotionally detached

[Goldstone]

Just wanted to get some feedback from others on this issue.

My wife thinks that I don't 'want' her anymore. I am talking emotionally as well as sexually. But I want to focus on the emotional side as for me that's more relevant here.

I am acutely aware that I don't instigate many hugs or ask her 'how she is' enough etc.. But I don't think we have a problem as a couple in fact I know she is happy as such but she is worried I am going 'off' her. I am not. I just find it hard to get emotional at the moment about anything. It's like I am not willing to lower my guard on any feelings I have. I am good to my wife. I know I am and that's not being clever or cocky. We are good together and things are good within the family unit.

I am just wondering if my emotional detachment is more down to my depression than I give it credit for. Is this really anything to do with my depression or is it not likely to be connected. Bearing in mind I don't consider myself severely depressed I wonder why it's affecting my emotional responses so much. Perhaps it's not the depression, perhaps it's my brain just protecting itself from having to deal with anything. Maybe they are one and the same.

Any thoughts would be warmly received.

[Lin]

We have been married over 27 years and this time it has definitely felt like my husband doesn't want me any more and would be better off without me. Several times over last 2 years felt needed to move out. Went into hospital for 7 weeks near beginning but that did not help him really, also went away on a retreat to give him a break but he was no better after and had been bored without me! Very difficult strain on relationships. When had this before it has not gone on so long so been easier, but every time i always feels like he has lost his sympathy and he doesn't think I see his side at all - which does not help either of us.

[bajablue]

We have been married over 27 years and this time it has definitely felt like my husband doesn't want me any more and would be better off without me. Several times over last 2 years felt needed to move out. Went into hospital for 7 weeks near beginning but that did not help him really, also went away on a retreat to give him a break but he was no better after and had been bored without me! Very difficult strain on relationships. When had this before it has not gone on so long so been easier, but every time i always feels like he has lost his sympathy and he doesn't think I see his side at all - which does not help either of us.

Marriage is tested by anxiety/depression. I have been married 29 years. Many ups and downs. If you weighed the good and the bad in my relationship, I think the good still outweighs the bad. Thus here I am and here she is. Making our way the best we can. It was tougher when we were younger and the idealistic views of what marriage should be still played a part; we almost seperated back then. Now, for lack of a better word, we are in it to the end.

[Lin]

In it to the end sounds lovely - I hope we are too, even with struggling so hard at the moment. Even in the bad times I can't imagine being without him. Just frustrating that I think he could get more help to understand my problems but refuses to at the moment. Last year he had some carer support help and he was much more sympathetic and not so fed up because he met other carers worse off than himself - just wish he would get that help and sympathy towards me again but he refuses to get help this year.

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[hippychich40]

I pretty much feel the same as you, it's quite a relief to find this is happening with other people as i thought it was just me. I'm not sure why it happens, or how it even started, i'm not depressed as such...I just cannot find it in myself to be close with anyone...be it husband or a family member..and this from someone who has always been very tactile and warm....I don't seem to show emotion, whether i'm in a happy mood or feeling annoyed....I sort of just ''carry on regardless'' like a robot...I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Needless to say, hubby doesn't understand, either thinks i've gone off him or there's someone else...but to explain it all would be pointless as he's not very sympathetic with my anxiety issues, he thinks i should just ''pull myself together''....
I hope you get it sorted Goldstone and it all works out for you xx

[Lin]

It is so difficult when people who don't understand anxiety and depression and say things like pull yourself together or just go on holiday - they really have no idea. Once people have experienced it they are much more caring and understanding.