Soooo...

[Goldstone]

Sooooo, I am new to these forums and seeing if this iOS app is better than the last one I tried. I am a full time carer to my wife and have had depression for 2 years. I think I am better but my wife doesn't think so. Part of me agrees and some days are worse than others. Just looking for a few good people to share some discussions with. Greetings to all.

[Lin]

My husband is fed up with caring for me after over 2 years now. Very difficult for both of bus for different reasons. I couldn't live with me, so don't know why I expect him to be able to.
I am new to this two but good to know others out there felling and needing help like me.

[Lin]

Just realised how bad I am with the keyboard please ignore spelling mistakes above - will check before submit in future. Hope with spelling mistakes above you can still understand what I was trying to say!

[Goldstone]

Hi Lin.

Well certainly sounds like we have some things in common with the carer side of things. Although our roles are reversed. Personally I am not fed up of my wife...yet..joke! My depression stems from when I was working and has continued, although its easier and for slightly different reasons. Perhaps we can bat off each other as we see the different sides to the same coin. Look forward to the convo's. And don't worry about the spelling. I am not the grammar police and it all made sense :)

[Lin]

Sounds good to be able to chat and will be good for us to see it from different sides of the depression. Going on a recovery tool kit course tonight after work and then three more nights over next three weeks. Hoping to get a plan to help me which will help my husband too. Worse bit he finds is doing lots of jobs I did which I don't think he even thought about, also not good at socialising so he is missing our social life too. Do you have similar problems from the caring side and depression?

[Goldstone]

Thankfully I have also been quite good at keeping on top of the house chores and doing my bit so it stood me in good stead for the situation I find myself in. However, it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination.

If I get side tracked just for one day I find myself playing catch up. It's a 24/7 role. With the wife to help and three kids to keep an eye on and two dogs It's never an easy life. My wife gets on at me if I get behind. I don't blame her because who else will do it?

I find though that when we were both fit as a fiddle we shared the chores but now it's virtually all me yet she doesn't understand that some days you just need a break from it all, and that's the reason things get behind.

It sounds like that your husband was never used to doing the chores and if that's the case then of course it must be a huge change for him. I am 34 and if he is a lot older (??) then he will be more set in his ways than I am. Which no doubt makes it harder.

[Goldstone]

As for the social life, I never really had one anyway. I am a bit of a quiet one and my previous job meant a social life was a luxury. It's no different now. Of course it's made small differences for her and I totally recognise that fact. Most of her friends have turned their backs on her which is really difficult.

I won't begin to try and suggest ways to 'fix' your relationship or rejuvenate it. After all, I don't know all the facts and indeed who knows where we will be ourselves in 3,5,10,15 years time. In any case it will probably come across as condescending. I hope though that any wisdom/advice/experience I impart will just go some way towards motivating you or giving you some solace or some ideas even.

Feel free to keep bouncing off me. That's what we are all here for after all. I guess. Looking forward to reading your replies.

Rob.

[alankay]

Howde and welcome. Alankay

[Lin]

Yes we have been married for 28 years and except from short periods of time when I have been I'll, most of that time I have done the majority of the jobs, Also my husband works away for some projects so then it is just me for weekends. What is galling is he is moaning at doing jobs I have always done, but he won't acknowledge it. I still do the ironing, sons washing and hanging out, buy birthday cards and presents and Xmas on line for his family and mine, Anne when well I do help cook and wash up. I also try to clean the bathroom and toilet. But because he has to give me lifts to places and do mostly tesco and town he now makes it sounds like he does everything. And seems to begrudge often most of it, especially driving me around. Finding it really difficult to understand why he doesn't see it from my side too and how I try tho help and what done in past. He gets me so cross and then he starts criticising me and mocking me which just makes it all get worse. Really difficult to keep going.