My ocd is getting worse (expletives abundant)

[Duck Daffy]

Title says it all. This is the most fucking annoying shit I've ever experienced. I wake up every morning in a 'beaten' mindset - as if my body no longer produces testosterone and I'm just a bitch. If you don't know, I have been suffering from an increasingly annoying/distracting/disabling/frustrating HOCD stint. Falling behind in school and my training regiments are becoming lack luster. This has completely turned my life around. I feel as though I am "turning gay". There's a constant battle within my mind throughout the day. I cannot ignore it. I cannot. I've tried occupying myself with random activities of interest, but that can only last for so long. I'm 17 and I know life gets a hell of a lot worse, but this is killing me. This is so fucking stupid. I provide evidence to myself as to how I am not gay, but yet, my mind presses on with this ridiculous notion. Life is miserable right now. Fuck this. I've never considered it, but the thought of suicide has been on my mind more frequently lately.

[mellymel]

I can relate. I have schizo ocd and harm ocd. I am CONVINCED that I am dangerous to my family and that I'm losing my mind. BUT IM NOT EITHER. I have come to realize that with ocd the thoughts attack whatever scares you the most. Let the thoughts come as much as they want as often as they want...eventually they will bother you less. I promise. People were telling me this about my obsessions and I didn't believe them until they started to bother me less. Don't get me wrong, I still have really tough days, and as soon as my eyes open in the morning it's already playing in my mind. But don't let it do this to you. Be Stronger then it. You are just fine. And worse case scenario your gay, so what? But if it bothers you that much your probably not anyway :) take care.

[Duck Daffy]

I try to let the thoughts flow, but it feels like I'm giving them reason instead. They're becoming progressively worse, it seems. During the first couple of months, I was terrified by these thoughts. You'd think the fear would allude to me not being gay, but my mind can't let it go. Is there anything I can do to find some sort of mental relief?