How can i get through today?

[Peak]

Yesterday was a really stressful day at work in that it appears as though I have fallen out with three colleagues because I'm senior to them and had to put them in their place. I'm not technically their boss, I can't hire or fire them, but I am what other companies would call their supervisor. As I consider them also my friends I found it a bit stressful doing this and it affected me more than I was aware.

Last night I was at a concert and started to feel very anxious. I started to get what I thought were loads of ectopic heartbeats so many in fact that I started to get quite concerned and was half expecting to have a stroke there and then. Then it suddenly dawned on me that what I was feeling was the thud of the kick drum hitting me in the chest. It felt exactly like how a strong ectopic beat feels to me. Trouble is that the damage had already been done and because the thought of stroke was in my head my heart did start to race and I was getting ectopic beats as well. I also was feeling very tired and my head was feeling woozy and a bit light headed/giddy.

This morning I wake up and I'm instantly getting some ectopic beats and I'm feeling tired and woozy but then I've only had 5hrs sleep. Today though my boss is calling a meeting with the whole department to talk about the problems that have gone on with the colleagues and to give everyone a bit of a dressing down. I'm sure this will bring tensions to the boil which could break out into arguments.

I just feel as though I'm on the edge of a panic attack and if a great concert among 20,000 people isn't enough to keep my mind off of things, what chance do I have of getting through the day?

My doctors tell me I have GAD and I'm currently having CBT but whilst I do have GAD in that I have anxiety over a wide range of things, conflict being just a tiny one, when the anxiety then manifests itself with physical symptoms like ectopic beats I then get major anxiety about my health.

Any advice on getting through the day, my normal CBT techniques aren't helping much.

[jamus75]

I too always had just anxiety and panic attacks but then I had skipped beats and it scared me too. Come to find out everyone has them. People like us just are more aware. Once u feel them u feel them all the time. I have also been to a concert and the bass feels weird in my chest. Caused anxiety. You're not alone in these feelings as most of us here have had same worries and issues. My doc and others have told me that nobody dies from panic attacks. They are false alarms, not the real thing.

[laurandisorder]

All I can suggest is that you have a chat with your workmates as a friend, not just a supervisor and be honest with them. Tell them that professional dialogue and feedback is a part of your job (guess who is in the same kind of role! :) ) and that it actually makes you really anxious and nervous to give them a dressing down when it comes to work because you are their friends

You could also ask for some feedback yourself - ask if there is anything you could have done differently, or if they would have handled the situation differently to you.

I find this really hard too - as I was promoted to middle management above senior staff (like people twice my age and with more experience than i have chalked up years!) and I now have to answer to the big boss when things don't go to plan in terms of my team's performance.

An honest conversation should break the tension - and keep it informal. I always like to remind my team that if I feel that they are ever being misrepresented, that I have their backs and will stand up for them - this usually helps too.

Once the tension is gone, the anxiety should alleviate some. Good luck!!

[Peak]

Thanks all for the replies. It wasn't too bad today although after the meeting when discussing the staff problems with my boss and another supervisor I was aware of having an adrenalin rush as I started to tremble quite a lot (something I always get in confrontation type situations) which I know is my fight or flight response kicking in.

Things are by no means good at work and people are very obviously annoyed/hurt/offended and I'm sure I'm off a number of people Christmas card lists ;)

During the day and during the meeting I didn't really get any ectopic heartbeats, just a couple of quick ones but that was it. However as soon as I left the office and got to the station to catch a train the ectopic beats started up big time. I'm getting them at the moment anywhere from every 3rd beat to every couple of minutes for several seconds at a time and its been like this for nearly 90 mins now.

I know through CBT that I should not internalise things but concentrate the mind on the outside world so I don't think about the heart beat. I know I should draw probability pie charts to prove to myself that the cause of the ectopic beats is benign. I know I should try breathing techniques to calm down. I know this but when your heart feels like it wants to leap out of your chest every 3 seconds its really hard not to internalise and be focused on the heart.

God I so don't want to be like this, this isn't who I am. I'm not in control of me, I'm not me.