gjtango
02-25-2013, 06:20 AM
Hi all!
Joined up for some advice/in the hope that people can relate to my current feelings. Also wanted an outlet to express my story up to now!
I've been susceptible to symptoms of anxiety ever since I had a bit of a bad trip on Hash Cake back in 2002 when I was 14. I ate a bit too much and it really spaced me out- huge feelings of de-realisation/de-personalisation that took me a fair few months to get over. But I did and felt fine for many years, even being able to smoke weed and be fine. However, come around 2006 I found that whenever I used weed I would experience the same negative symptoms each time so stopped. However, whilst at university (graduated in 2008) I found that my hangovers after drinking alot of alcohol were particularly bad and brought about many feelings related to anxiety (de-realisation, spaced out etc). I am 25. These have got progressive worst over the years to the point where the next day, having had maybe 2-3 drinks the night before would result in sleep deprivation, chest pain, de-realisation, needing to breathe deeply, racing heartbeat etc. But after a good nights sleep I would be almost back to normal the day, and a few days after that back to normal.
I recently moved from the UK to the Philippines with my company to work (quite a big move). Been here 4 weeks. Last Saturday I went out and had too much to drink- maybe 8 beers. Woke up after about 5 hours sleep, feeling ok but progressively worst into the afternoon. Now I've always been one to believe in the power of exercise to help combat bad foods, drinks etc that one has consumed, so I decided to go out and run 7 miles. (I've been running for 6 years, 20 miles per week so this is not uncommon). This was the first time that I have run in the Philippines- I felt that I needed to sweat out some of the booze. This particular run was very different to that of any done in the UK in that I ended up witnessing alot of Poverty/hardship along the way (I live in the business district but poverty is on your doorstep here if you get in a taxi or run 15 minutes or more down the road like I did). I came back not thinking much of it other than it was the most mental run I had ever been on, went and had some dinner and later went to bed.
Yet, since Monday (so 7 days) I have experienced so many symptoms of anxiety and for a much more prolonged period of time than ever before.
Racing thoughts were the initial one- particularly about poverty, why our world allows this etc, coupled by intense feelings of sadness and despair. Started feeling guilty/wrong for living a great western lifestyle etc. I also started to get really emotional about my family, whom I am close to back home but have not missed at all really as have really enjoyed my time here so far (I'm quite individualistic and have travelled abroad on my own before). Felt like I wanted to cry but over nothing really. I felt de-personalised/de-realised for many days on end. Previously I was able to tell myself those thoughts are irrational but all these other anxiety symptoms I have been feeling further elevated those feelings. My breathing felt messed up as if I needed to take deep breathes but that has subsided alot now and I am basically back to normal on that front.
As of today I'm still getting feelings of anxiety/nervousness over nothing- jelly like legs, nervous stomach, a sort of pressure in my head. I've told myself regarding the guilt of poverty thing etc that the best I can do is spend a bit of time volunteering/spend a few quid to help some people, but I shouldn't feel guilty for working hard and being Western (!). The feelings of guilt etc on that front have also subsided quite alot since last week but are still in my subconscious. Yesterday was the best day so far- felt pretty much completely back to normal last night and slept the best for many days (no jumpy feelings before sleep either), woke up fine this morning but around lunchtime its almost as if I just had a mood swing over nothing- started feeling sad, nervous again over NOTHING. Same feelings- jelly legs, nervous stomach, bit of de-realisation but not as bad as in the week.
I've been trying to diagnose myself since last week. Had many thoughts go through my head as to why I have started feeling this way- possibly alcohol withdrawal (but all drink should be out of my system now- I have decided to quit completely since last Saturday), possibly that I've always had underlying anxiety fuelled from my bad trip 10 years ago and this has just randomly reared its ugly head for longer than usual (I've no reason to be anxious). Maybe even due to my lifestyle change just hitting me hard but I am very happy here although I do not think seeing what I saw on my run last week helped my mind at all, especially when coming off of booze.
So here I am a week on, still encountering all mixture of feelings of anxiety listed above. It's difficult to describe but I know deep down in my psyche that I shouldn't be feeling this way- that whatever feelings/emotions are coming over me are irrational and unnecessary, as I know that for 99% of my life I have felt normal and can remember normality. I lead a healthy life, eat the right foods, exercise often, have now quit drink & treat others well. But I'm still getting these feelings and the worrying thing is that they have become prolonged. I've not been sleeping great here due to light getting into my room which I am going to fix, so think that could be one contributing factor (used to sleep 8 hours per night at home, reckon I've been getting an average of 6.5 here), but other than that I am not sure.
Would love to hear thoughts/opinions/perspectives on my outlook!
Joined up for some advice/in the hope that people can relate to my current feelings. Also wanted an outlet to express my story up to now!
I've been susceptible to symptoms of anxiety ever since I had a bit of a bad trip on Hash Cake back in 2002 when I was 14. I ate a bit too much and it really spaced me out- huge feelings of de-realisation/de-personalisation that took me a fair few months to get over. But I did and felt fine for many years, even being able to smoke weed and be fine. However, come around 2006 I found that whenever I used weed I would experience the same negative symptoms each time so stopped. However, whilst at university (graduated in 2008) I found that my hangovers after drinking alot of alcohol were particularly bad and brought about many feelings related to anxiety (de-realisation, spaced out etc). I am 25. These have got progressive worst over the years to the point where the next day, having had maybe 2-3 drinks the night before would result in sleep deprivation, chest pain, de-realisation, needing to breathe deeply, racing heartbeat etc. But after a good nights sleep I would be almost back to normal the day, and a few days after that back to normal.
I recently moved from the UK to the Philippines with my company to work (quite a big move). Been here 4 weeks. Last Saturday I went out and had too much to drink- maybe 8 beers. Woke up after about 5 hours sleep, feeling ok but progressively worst into the afternoon. Now I've always been one to believe in the power of exercise to help combat bad foods, drinks etc that one has consumed, so I decided to go out and run 7 miles. (I've been running for 6 years, 20 miles per week so this is not uncommon). This was the first time that I have run in the Philippines- I felt that I needed to sweat out some of the booze. This particular run was very different to that of any done in the UK in that I ended up witnessing alot of Poverty/hardship along the way (I live in the business district but poverty is on your doorstep here if you get in a taxi or run 15 minutes or more down the road like I did). I came back not thinking much of it other than it was the most mental run I had ever been on, went and had some dinner and later went to bed.
Yet, since Monday (so 7 days) I have experienced so many symptoms of anxiety and for a much more prolonged period of time than ever before.
Racing thoughts were the initial one- particularly about poverty, why our world allows this etc, coupled by intense feelings of sadness and despair. Started feeling guilty/wrong for living a great western lifestyle etc. I also started to get really emotional about my family, whom I am close to back home but have not missed at all really as have really enjoyed my time here so far (I'm quite individualistic and have travelled abroad on my own before). Felt like I wanted to cry but over nothing really. I felt de-personalised/de-realised for many days on end. Previously I was able to tell myself those thoughts are irrational but all these other anxiety symptoms I have been feeling further elevated those feelings. My breathing felt messed up as if I needed to take deep breathes but that has subsided alot now and I am basically back to normal on that front.
As of today I'm still getting feelings of anxiety/nervousness over nothing- jelly like legs, nervous stomach, a sort of pressure in my head. I've told myself regarding the guilt of poverty thing etc that the best I can do is spend a bit of time volunteering/spend a few quid to help some people, but I shouldn't feel guilty for working hard and being Western (!). The feelings of guilt etc on that front have also subsided quite alot since last week but are still in my subconscious. Yesterday was the best day so far- felt pretty much completely back to normal last night and slept the best for many days (no jumpy feelings before sleep either), woke up fine this morning but around lunchtime its almost as if I just had a mood swing over nothing- started feeling sad, nervous again over NOTHING. Same feelings- jelly legs, nervous stomach, bit of de-realisation but not as bad as in the week.
I've been trying to diagnose myself since last week. Had many thoughts go through my head as to why I have started feeling this way- possibly alcohol withdrawal (but all drink should be out of my system now- I have decided to quit completely since last Saturday), possibly that I've always had underlying anxiety fuelled from my bad trip 10 years ago and this has just randomly reared its ugly head for longer than usual (I've no reason to be anxious). Maybe even due to my lifestyle change just hitting me hard but I am very happy here although I do not think seeing what I saw on my run last week helped my mind at all, especially when coming off of booze.
So here I am a week on, still encountering all mixture of feelings of anxiety listed above. It's difficult to describe but I know deep down in my psyche that I shouldn't be feeling this way- that whatever feelings/emotions are coming over me are irrational and unnecessary, as I know that for 99% of my life I have felt normal and can remember normality. I lead a healthy life, eat the right foods, exercise often, have now quit drink & treat others well. But I'm still getting these feelings and the worrying thing is that they have become prolonged. I've not been sleeping great here due to light getting into my room which I am going to fix, so think that could be one contributing factor (used to sleep 8 hours per night at home, reckon I've been getting an average of 6.5 here), but other than that I am not sure.
Would love to hear thoughts/opinions/perspectives on my outlook!