Why cant i just let go

[weary]

Why can't I just let go.......... Why can't my family understand when I have chest pains they need to all get along instead of causing me to flip out and spend my day off in my room with my 5 yrnold because my husband and stepson of 19 can't just let shit go my heart is racing to the point I can't even see straight I am shaking to the point I can't stand .......

[trinidiva]

Take a deep breath....it will be ok. I think people sometimes don't understand that its better just to back off and not push too much, it can cause a panic attack. You probably do just need a little time to yourself just to unwind a bit.

[weary]

I would love some time alone but that does not happen because to keep the peace I keep my daughter with me in my room and yet they all judge me because she hangs to me 24-7 no one else can help her because it is always yelling at her so I am the only one who can do anything for her ....... I swear I feel like I am going to go over the deep end. Why can no one help me but trigger to make things worse

[trinidiva]

Listen, I understand. I have a son and a 4 year old girl, who loves to be around mommy all the time. Have a talk with your husband. Tell him you need some time to yourself. He cannot chose to just parent one child and not the other because she is a girl.....can he take them to a movie or something, or out to get a bite to eat? Anything where you can just get a few minutes to yourself? My husband sometimes will rent a movie from the redbox and pop some popcorn, and have a movie time. I will sometimes stay upstairs and just relax or take a nap, no interruptions. You have to make it clear that you need time to yourself though. I've been where you've been, trust me.

[weary]

That is part of the issue he won't they just don't get it .... I asked my husband to join this forum so he too could ask questions on what he could do to help me when I am at my lowest points and get some other perspective views I don't see fear in his eyes I see sadness because he does not what to do ... So I give him a way to help me and he refuses I wish I could just get past it

[trinidiva]

Yes, I think I used to get upset because I expected my husband to know what needed to be done, but he didn't....then I would get mad. Now, I'm very vocal about everything. I will write a list sometimes, of what I need him to do, and that works better.
Is it that he actually REFUSES to help when you ask him, or you are kind of expecting him to take initiative and do things, and he doesn't?

[weary]

I think it is both common sense tells you when your spouse says they are having chest pains to keep things calm ... But if I tell I can't do this anymore it is what do you want from me which turns into a fight ......

[trinidiva]

Agreed, but sometimes you just have to spell things out, if the common sense factor isn't kicking in.
I know, its annoying, but for your peace of mind, you should do it.

When things are calm, sit him down and really tell him that you need his help. Explain that you know that he may not understand every aspect of your anxiety disorder, but that sometimes, you just need a little time, to kind of clear your head and get yourself back together. Tell him that it would help you tremendously. See if he agrees to that, I hope that he would.....
Or....if your daughter IS with you and you start not feeling well, can you have her color or read some books, or maybe put on on an episode of Sesame Street or something, just to buy yourself some time to get yourself together? My husband works 24 hour shifts sometimes so there are times when I'm not well and still have to handle both kids. I even found a meditation app on my phone that plays soothing sounds, like the sound of rain or a running brook, and I have my daughter do the 5 minute meditation with me. It at least gives me a little bit of time to calm down.

[bajablue]

Our spouses are not trained to deal with us or this condition. We can only ask for reasonable things - like to be present when we are having panic or to leave us be - whichever works best. I thought my wife should be more involved in my illness. She did read and educated herself but that was pre internet so it was books and magazines back then. Anyway, she did it and that helped some. But I learned to what I need to do when I need to do; to voice my needs and if they are not respected to find my space either in our home or outside where I could feel better.
All I ask of my wife now is to be there and comfort me. She knows when I am down that reassurance that she is there for me; present with me, is all she can do. We have to own our own recovery. Nobody will do that for us.
I am thinking of you Weary.