Katydid
02-15-2013, 06:10 PM
Hello,
I have had anxiety and panic attacks since I was in my mid 20's - I am now 46. It has been off and on - years with no real symptoms except anxiety but with no or fewer panic attacks. It seems that the last year or so it has gotten considerably worse. My dr and I are trying to find a chemical cocktail that will alleviate some of the symptoms but haven't quite figured it out yet. I am a hippie by nature and would prefer the natural route but isn't working well enough for me to continue working, leave the house, etc...
I am married with no children. I have a brother (my closest sibling) who is bipolar, OCD and severe anxiety. I worry about him a great deal. He had to have a heart valve replaced in 2010. This last year my dad (both of my parents are elderly and we live far away from each other) was in a horrible accident at this job and was in the hospital for many months. I traveled, stayed with them, transported my mom back and forth to the hospital and helped my dad with physical therapy while continuing to try to work remotely. At the same time, my husband had two surgeries (nothing serious but 3 months of recovery each time).
I seemed to be able to hold it together to get through this period (on Xanax :)) but now that the majority of crisis are over, it seems like my anxiety is worse than ever. I can't sleep at night and that seems to make it worse. Add in to the mix that I am coming up on my 10 year anniversary at my job (with my tasks seeming to lessen and disappear) and I don't understand it. I don't understand when I have so much and there are so many in the world who have so much less, why I can't just be happy and well contented. I feel so isolated. I can't seem to make connections with people I like/love. I just want to be alone most of the time. I feel more comfortable just hanging out with my dog, my husband and my brother. But I work at a charity with 99% all women and they sit around and bond and I don't understand why I don't feel like I belong.
I try telling people how I feel but I'm so shy by nature that the words come out all jumbled up and end up making no sense. I don't know how to say how I feel. I just feel all jumbled up inside.
This whole internet thing is kind of strange to me. A friend convinced me to get on Facebook but then when I get on there, it actually makes me feel more alone than I was if I hadn't looked at it at all. I end up comparing myself to all these people. Not a smart thing to do considering I'm almost 50 ha! Anyway, I don't know how comfortable I feel talking about any of this on this forum but I would really like to converse with someone who gets what this feels like because I certainly do not know how to express myself verbally. I'm much more comfortable splashing paint on canvas and seeing what I get.
Thank you for reading :)
I have had anxiety and panic attacks since I was in my mid 20's - I am now 46. It has been off and on - years with no real symptoms except anxiety but with no or fewer panic attacks. It seems that the last year or so it has gotten considerably worse. My dr and I are trying to find a chemical cocktail that will alleviate some of the symptoms but haven't quite figured it out yet. I am a hippie by nature and would prefer the natural route but isn't working well enough for me to continue working, leave the house, etc...
I am married with no children. I have a brother (my closest sibling) who is bipolar, OCD and severe anxiety. I worry about him a great deal. He had to have a heart valve replaced in 2010. This last year my dad (both of my parents are elderly and we live far away from each other) was in a horrible accident at this job and was in the hospital for many months. I traveled, stayed with them, transported my mom back and forth to the hospital and helped my dad with physical therapy while continuing to try to work remotely. At the same time, my husband had two surgeries (nothing serious but 3 months of recovery each time).
I seemed to be able to hold it together to get through this period (on Xanax :)) but now that the majority of crisis are over, it seems like my anxiety is worse than ever. I can't sleep at night and that seems to make it worse. Add in to the mix that I am coming up on my 10 year anniversary at my job (with my tasks seeming to lessen and disappear) and I don't understand it. I don't understand when I have so much and there are so many in the world who have so much less, why I can't just be happy and well contented. I feel so isolated. I can't seem to make connections with people I like/love. I just want to be alone most of the time. I feel more comfortable just hanging out with my dog, my husband and my brother. But I work at a charity with 99% all women and they sit around and bond and I don't understand why I don't feel like I belong.
I try telling people how I feel but I'm so shy by nature that the words come out all jumbled up and end up making no sense. I don't know how to say how I feel. I just feel all jumbled up inside.
This whole internet thing is kind of strange to me. A friend convinced me to get on Facebook but then when I get on there, it actually makes me feel more alone than I was if I hadn't looked at it at all. I end up comparing myself to all these people. Not a smart thing to do considering I'm almost 50 ha! Anyway, I don't know how comfortable I feel talking about any of this on this forum but I would really like to converse with someone who gets what this feels like because I certainly do not know how to express myself verbally. I'm much more comfortable splashing paint on canvas and seeing what I get.
Thank you for reading :)