Anxiety about anything planned

[Itchyteef]

Hello everyone. This is my first post on here. I shall try and explain a little about my anxiety problem that I have and would like to know if anyone has the same kinds of problems. I'm a 32 year old male from England and my anxiety starts when I have anything planned, now this can be anything planned from the thought of going to work everyday to even the easiest and mundane thing like taking my mother to the shops or something like that. I don't have a problem doing anything if it's on the spur of the moment but if anything is planned to do the following day, or a week or a month ahead then that is when my anxiety starts. I have been like this for as long as I can remember in small doses. I remember when I was 19 years old there was a funeral I was to attend and was taking my parents with me and the thought of going to this funeral was seriously getting to me because "i had to go to it" . I live my life with what I call "a get out clause" where as if anything is planned I have a "get out clause" where I tell myself that I don't have to go to or do something, that way planned things are easier for me to do as I don't have the pressure of "i have to do it" because i know i don't really have to. I don't want people to think that this is the way my thinking is because I don't want to do it, there are a lot of things that that I want to do but i have to use the "get out clause" in everything planned.

Over the years it has affected things in my life, that to be honest, I could still live a normal life without it affecting me to much, like going on holiday or even to the cinema but over the years it has got worse and has now aftected my day to day life, so much so I no longer have a job as I had to quit my job after being at the same firm for 15 years.

I hope I haven't confused you to much, I have written it as if I was talking to you as opposed to writing it on a letter or something

[jylcat]

I understand, I have this problem as well. I'm 31 yo and I've had this feeling for the past 8-10 years or so, getting worse as time goes on. I've only felt this way since I've had generalized anxiety disorder, so I assume it's a social phobia / agoraphobia manifestation. I don't understand why I feel this way since I remember I used to look forward to going out with my friends and now I don't. Once I'm out, I usually have a good time, but it's the whole planned aspect that makes me feel like i can't handle it.

[neutoticamber]

Me too! Me too!! I am the same exact way! I am 30 years old (female) and I have been like this for as long as I can remember. I remember when was very young I would freak out on the way to church... or anything planned with my family. Anytime, I felt that I HAD to be somewhere... an appt. or some sort of commitment it would cause anxiety. Even eating in a restraunt can cause anxiety.... as I wait for the food or the check.

The underlying root is the fear of LACK OF CONTROL. As long as it is spur of the moment or something I have planned on my own, I am fine. I am in control. But as soon as other people are in the mix or I feel pressured or committed to something I get freaked out. It's all about control. It's easier to deal with if you understand the root cause.

Have you tried counseling? In your situatoin it may be as easy as learning how to deal with letting go of your need to be in control of every situation and then going from there. Good luck.. you are not alone!!

::Raises hand:: I've been this way recently too. And neutoticamber is right, in that it's a fear of lack of control. I'm very calm and collected if I'm doing something "on my own terms", but if I make a commitment to something as little as a day ahead of time, I tend to have an anxious desire to get out of it. I end up perceiving the upcoming event as a chore of some sort, just because I'm committed to it.

The only thing I've been able to do about this is to NOT give into myself when I feel this way. I've noticed that if I give in and make excuses to get out of something, I end up with guilty depressive feelings. I become all-the-more aware of my tendency to want to escape plans.