Feeling really alone~this anxiety isolates

[Moonstone]

Well looks like I have found my "tribe", LOL the people that will most likely 'get me'.

I chose my username, cause the moon is bright and beautiful, yet surrounded by darkness.

I have been having extream anxiety for a couple of months now, I wake up from a peaceful dreamland usually, and BAM! I am in full anxiety mode, with the impending doom feelings, my night cloths are drenched at the collar, soaking wet and my heart is racing a 1000 miles an hour.

I am tired of living this way. I am by nature an optimistic person, the glass is always half full....but now it seems like it is draining and the glass is getting empty :( I hate to complain, but this is my reality at the moment. I am on daily Benzos but they don't work as they once did....

Well I don't want to make this intro post a novel, I do have so much to get out, but in due time I guess.

So glad that forums like this exist :) And look forward to getting to know you all here, and for you to know me...which seems kinda scary...Don't know why...

And look forward to support, ideas, advice, suggestions and giving the same when I am able.

Thanks for having me.

~Moonstone.

[jamus75]

Hello and welcome. I recently joined myself and found it very helpful knowing I'm not alone. People without anxiety/ panic disorders can't understand what we go through. You can tell them and they think they can but they truly cannot. It's assuring to know the people here can.

[Moonstone]

My first visitor :) Ya know it felt so nice to see a reply!

Thank you jamus75 ! You are so right, they really don't know, and really why should they? My emotions have the flu, I say. But it IS so hard to explain and if ya haven't gone thru this kinda stuff, then they iust don't know (BTW, on my computer the letter " j " doesn't work..I have to find that letter n copy n paste it ) so I will use from now on the i key, unless I am on my phone.

Anyway, the best way I have described it is going down a steep rollar coaster all the time, or for whatever period of time, with ice cold water running thru your veins. That's what it feels like to me, and it is close for me, how I feel for long stretches of time.

It is assuring to know that people get it...plus I am tired of telling normiez when they ask how I am, oh having anxiety again.....no can't do that, having an anxiety day..etc. I need to get my hair done, and ya think I can make an appointment, keep it, get dressed to look half decent and sit in a chair with someone in control, trying to look and sound relatively normal? Heck no! LOL. UUUgggghhhh...Tired of this, I gotta try something different and banish this bug-a-boo.

I am searching for answers.

Thanks again iamus75, nice to meet you :)

[Moonstone]

Hi I am having such a really hard time with anxiety since yesterday. It is one of the more severe times I am having with it :( I can barely think and can hardly type. I am alone and really feeling it. I need to reach out here for some help.

[Joey21]

what exactly are you feeling? are you worried about something in particular or just having that anxious feeling?

[Moonstone]

Hi I posted something a couple of hours ago, a reply to Joey but don't see it her

Anyway there is nothing I am worried about in REALITYn but all the negative thought are bombarding me. I keep telling myself that itz just my anxiety doing its thing but it is hard. I can't focus and am amazedthat I can even type. Sorta type...my head is racing I am so cold and shaking a bit. It feels like there is ice water going thru my veins. My herat is pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears. I threw uo cause of this yesterday, no interest in eating. My goodness can't do anything not even shower. I know thatz gross. It makes me feel so alone. I feel a failure. I really reaching out for some feedback advice or anything. I can't stand this.

[Moonstone]

Did I write something wrong?

[jamus75]

How r u doing moon ?

[fisher]

Hello moonstone i to felt the same as you yrs ago its so scary its a circle thats hard to break..,i will tell u my story on how i managed to get through it,dont get me wrong i can still get feelings of it its always in my head x

[kdubg]

Welcome to the club moonshine. I've been fighting severe anxiety for over 2 years now. Seen doctor, psych, therapists, but I'm still working on it. I was a lot like you and really positive but then something happened to a co worker and now I live everyday fearing I will have a heart attack or die. It's extremely tough, and your right, no ones knows what you mean unless they've gone through it. Your not alone !

[jessy]

Welcome moonstone :-)

Sorry to see you are having a bad time at the moment .
I have lived with anxiety & depression for many years , sometimes it's really bad , other times its manageable .

I can relate to everything you have said & I do understand ,

How long have you been feeling this intense anxiety ? Also which Benzo are you taking ? And is it not helping at all ???

Jeasy xx

[scared44]

Welcome Moonshine hope you get some help and great advice.... Beverley :)

[scared44]

Sorry Moonstone lol

[Moonstone]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your time and hope to be of help too one day

Well I had maybe 2 hours sleep. Uuggghh

I hAve been feeling this intensity of anxiety for a couple of days now. Usually I would try and walk it off but I am having some bad G.I tract stuff happening
The benzos that I take daily aren't helping.

Please, tell me what has helped you. What can I tell myself while going through this? The self soothing self talk tecniques? I really need out of this,,,
Thanks !!!

[Malyn]

Hi Moon

How are you feeling now. I have a bad anxiety relapse since October last year. I couldn't work for more than a month. Went back to work in Nov but most of the time I go home feeling sick if having a hard time going to work.

I drink chamomile tea and take a half of the.25 xanax when I am really anxious. In the afternoon I am fine but couldn't eat during the day coz of nervous stomach.

I have this anxiety on and off since I was a Kid. When I have a Panic I hold my breadth and count up to six then inhale count 2 then exhale do it for 10 times.

And I tell myself I had it before and I got better. It takes a while for my nerve to heal but I will get well again and it helps

Is this your first time to feel panicky or you had it before

[moonchild1986]

I'm in the same place moon. It's hell. I can't enjoy life anymore. I have a 7 yr old son and somedays I don't recognise him. (Because of the extreme anxiety)
I really need someone to talk to

[jamus75]

When I hold my breath I feel my pulse more so that don't work for me.

[Moonstone]

Hi,
The INTESE anxiety has lifted for now at least, so scared it will come back. Do have anxiety today but a few notches down from the last few days. Had broken sleep last night and still woke up quite sweaty? Why does that happen.

And also my stomache feels sooo aweful....rather sick like if I were to smell something really bad, I'd be throwing up again. Don't feel like eating at all.

I hope to get this anxiety more under control...and some more sleep too.

I would love a mentor...someone who has been thru this anxiety and has come out the other side. I am looking to try some new things to help myself manage this anxiety better. Just thought I would put that out there.

[Malyn]

Hi Moon

Is this your first time having panic and anxiety?
I have anxiety since I was a kid. I get relapse when I am under a lot of stress. (Job or death in Family or health issues). I would be sick for a long time more than 6 months really bad insomnia like no sleep at all straight for 3 months. Can't go to work. But I survived and have anxiety free for a while but then when I get worried I get sick again.

Like right now I been having anxiety 24/7 for more than 4 months. I started my zoloft again bec I stopped when I got better but wrong decision bec when you have anxiety you will always get a relapse. We will get better but we are prone to anxiety.

I tell myself that I was worse before when I couldn't take medicine bec I was pregnant Xbox anxious and depressed but I got well.

So we will get better. We just have to be patient and live one day at a time.

You should ask for low dose of xanax for really bad days. I used to be afraid to take medicine but you don't tolerate or suffer. Nobody is drug free nowadays. A little dose of xanax esp when I am going out help me get out the house

[Moonstone]

Thanks M.
No this isn't my first bout with anxiety, but the intensity that it got to it few and far between ( and I feel like it wants to get intense again).
I already take 2 Benzos daily and have for a few years now, and they are loosing their effectiveness. I wish my P-doc would have told me in the beginning to take the benzos only as needed, but she told me daily and that's what I am and doing. The dose I am on is not helping me at all.

I asked my P-Doc for xanax as a on needed basis only and she said no....truly she is the crappiest Therapist MD ever. Not because of that, but she really doesn't know her medications, and is not doing any kind of "talk therapy" at all. She is leaving the profession to go on a different career. I think she knows she isn't helpful and is geting out of psycotherapy. But then that leaves me without a therapist, and I do take some meds like the benzos and Zoloft. I hope my GP can and will take over for her writting me the prescriptions I need. As you know these kind of meds you can't just stop. And with the anxiety I am having now, it would be in a deeper part of hell to wean off them now. I have till June with my P-doc, and I hope I can find another one. Where I live it is really difficult to find one on our provincial health insurance. (we get free health care here in Canada) Maybe that's what I am worried about...I don't know.....

I bought an Amino Acid called L-Glycine, and the reasearch I did shows that it helps with anxiety, panic and some other benefits. I started them today and hope it helps. I read that some people can go off there benzos quite easily with this Glysine. I will wait and see how it works...but I do feel different a wee bit better for taking it this one day, but certainly not out of the woods. It is still hard to eat with this high anxiety. I hope I can get some good sleep. I have to really focus on not thinking or rather worrying about stuff, like stuff that is happening half way around the world. Seriously, if I am not vigilant I can raise my anxiety worrying about people in dire straits half way around the world. Not that I can help them or save the world, but my anxious mind goes to these way off places if I am not careful.

And i really wish I could heal everyone one this board even.....but can I...of course not, especially when my emotions have a bad flu right now.....

And M. you are so right. we need to live in today, in the moment and not worry about yesterday or tomorrow...what can we do about those 2 days?? nothing, so I gotta be vigilant and not worry about those 2 days, and see what I can do to help myself get out of this dark pit I am in right now...I must live in today...Thanks Maylan :)

So here I am right now and it is what it is....I love coming to this board and seeing that someone, a total stranger took the time to post to me. That put a little sunshine in my heart. It is truly helpful. Long posts are welcome too :) I just wish I didn't feel like my emotions are being tortured. With your alls help, I will get better, we will get better...

What we can not do by ourselves, we can do together....I truly believe that.

So what helped you all today???? to get thru the day???

[jamus75]

Don't have to be alone. A bunch of us are on Kik messenger. Always someone to talk to usually