Just kill me already

[ry1987]

My anxiety is EXTRA bad today for reasons I'd rather not disclose online...but today takes the cake as far as worst day ever. I feel like I just want to give up on living. I feel like my life is cursed in every way possible. If I didn't fear the possibility of no afterlife Id just put myself out of my misery. But as life would have it I'm absolutely terrified of death so I'm stuck whether I like it or not. I'm sick of being afraid. I'm sick of staring out my peep hole in my door ten billion times a day. I just want to scream. I know there are so many others who are certainly struggling way more than me but I cannot help but hate every single aspect of my life. The anxiety and depression make it unbearable. I'm so sad. :'( why is all of this happening to me? Why was this the plan that was written out for me? Haven't I gone through enough? I'm struggling and am dying to be released from my pain...

[BettyInBlack]

I know how you feel girl. I often feel the same way. There has many days where I wanted to end it all, but I'm too afraid to actually do it. In reality, I just want the pain, fear and panic to stop.

What's worse, I have felt great and back to normal for the past few weeks. I thought I was getting my life back, and for once in a looooong time, I felt happy. Then today happened. I had a terrible panic attack and now I'm stuck inside my house, afraid to leave.

It's hard, and everyday is a struggle. I've been trying to stay positive, and you should too. I live for the "good days" and can only hope one day I can go back to being normal, and able to live a normal life.

[ry1987]

Days like today are nothing new to me. I hit an all time low all the time. I've tried and tried to sit down and make myself think of a way out. Some sort of answer but it doesn't come. I'm terrified of facing my problems. Actually terrified doesn't even begin to cover it. Sometimes I think just killing myself would be much easier than facing what I've got on my plate. Yes, it's the easy way out and not right by any means but my sadness is bone deep. I'd be humiliated to talk to anyone about it because it would probably make me break down. I cannot cry in front of others. I mean...I understand if I'm not willing to get help then I shouldn't be complaining about it...but it's not that easy. A part of me is dying for help but the other part of me is a big pussy. I wish I was 15 again and could start from there. :/

[ry1987]

Thank you for sharing Betty...it's always good to hear from another that understands.