Dont tell me, "It's all in your head!"

[Can'tBreathe]

Hi there fellow Anxiety friends, unfortunate as it is that we are here, I'm glad I am not alone. Here's my story: I used to be a confident, extroverted go-getter! A problem solver, happy-go-lucky girl, and then ONE day out of the blue I just stopped "breathing properly". Just before Christmas, while I was leisurely reading a book I felt my breathing become laboured. I panicked. I don't have medical insurance either. Things escalated quickly. I experienced dizziness, clammy hands, hyper ventilating, vomiting, dry mouth and feeling like I'm having a heart attack. The pain in my chest was unbearable. Having a family not very supportive of "mental illness" I drove myself to the hospital. I was treated with Lorien (SSRI) and Atarax. I'm not sure if any of you have experienced Atarax, basically its a very powerful antihistimine. I felt "out of it" 24/7. The AD made nauseous and made my hair fall out. I became terrified to be in public in case I embarrass myself. How do I explain what is happening to me. And worse ... When they ask why! As if I "bring it on myself". I returned to the hospital after another massive attack, I was then prescribed Stressam. It didn't work AT ALL! After a month, I left the Lorien as I felt its side effects were only negative and I was finally prescribed Xanor Slow Release. It is the first relief I have ever felt since this whole episode. I just want to feel NORMAL again. My panic is at it's peak in the morning, especially if I have consumed alcohol the night before. My panic attacks have changed now, I don't have full scale attacks. Rather now I experience a CONSTANT feeling of agitation, no matter what my circumstance. I feel a knot in my shoulders and I have been grinding my teeth. I have an appointment with my therapist again on Monday, he feels confident the worst is behind us. But as I type this with a permanent frown, clammy hands and a stiff neck, I wonder if I will ever be a happy care free individual again. I wish I could explain the difference between ordinary STRESS and ANXIETY to your average person who tells me to "just relax, what's bothering you?". Sigh

[lua piquanina]

I started exactly like this. Alcohol was also terrible for me, particularly the day after. I have to say that I've had many panic attacks but there was nothing like the first two. I went to the hospital three times during an evening. I was fearless and outgoing at the time and then from nowhere I thought I was going to die. The fear of impending death was new to me. I was quite relaxed at the time and people would ask why I was stressed. It was a chemical imbalance so there was little I could do. I started on cipralex, 10 mg and it helped me a lot. I now do hypnosis (basically listen to an app on my phone) and did cognitive behavioural therapy, which looked like a no-brainer ridiculous exercise but changed everything. Anxiety changed my life and I believe for the better. It made me aware of myself, the effect that the surrounding may have on me and the power to re-educate my mind. i believe now I know myself like never. It also made me healthier (it started with fear but it became a habit). Nonetheless, I am still scared of panic attacks. I'm not at a fearless stage yet and I still don't accept as I would like. They are a curse!