Sverige
06-01-2007, 01:47 AM
Hey everyone,
I've had anxiety since the time when I first started college. I think it really developed when I moved into a dorm on campus and then I was diagnosed with mono. Of course at that time, I didn't know what panic or anxiety disorders were and went to the doctor, naturopath, and acupuncturist for all sorts of tests and attempts to get cured. My doctor at one point gave me lexapro, which I tried for a couple of days, until I realized it just made my anxiety worse. I ended up in urgent care, because it felt like my head (like my actual brain) was tingling and my skin was burning. That is when I decided that I would never take medicine for my anxiety again.
As time went on, my boyfriend, who is now my husband became my "safe" person. I used to drive all of the time and I really enjoyed it. I used to be out at any time of the day or night.
Now, I have agoraphobia, which I have probably had for about 3 years or so now. It's really frustrating. I want to feel "normal" again and be able to do all of the things that I used to do. Now, just going outside alone gives me anxiety.
I'm a "night" person and I usually stay up until 3am, so that I will sleep later in the day, because then I will not be alone so much when my husband is at work. This gives me less time to develop any anxiety.
I avoid many situations that give me anxiety, which is how I have avoided a full blown panic attack for over a year or two now. I can barely drive when my husband is with me. If I do, I usually end up taking the long way to avoid sitting at long traffic lights. I realized that I don't like major traffic lights for the most part, because then there is a greater chance for me to panic. I would really like to attempt to drive on the highway again, but I am trying to manage the streets and this smaller highway for now.
Lately, I have been attempting to retrieve the mail from the mailbox, which is about 100 feet one way from my front door. This has been producing a little anxiety, but I figure that I need to start somewhere.
If my husband isn't with me, I really do not go anywhere at all. He even goes to school with me once a week, and waits for me while I take my 3hr long class.
Anyway, he told me over the weekend that he will have to go on a business trip to Chicago in July from Sunday morning- Thursday morning. Chicago is about a 4 hour plane ride from here. I will be away from my husband, who is my "safe" person for 4 nights and 5 days. I really have no idea of what to do. Sometimes just the thought of it scares me, and other times I feel confident and that I can do it. I told him that I will most likely in that house during the whole time. I'm not sure if I can do this. It's hard enough for me to be home alone while he is at work for 8-10 hours a day. How am I going to manage 96 hours?
This is really stressing me out, as well as my finals and projects that must be done within the next two weeks for my 3 classes. Also, two weeks from now, we will be going to Sweden to visit his family. I've been on this journey twice before, but flights scare me, because there's about 10 hours that I will be in a plane. I always try to distract myself, which sometimes works, but I also get very ancy. The point when I get frustrated is knowing that when I was 17, I went to Sweden by myself as an exchange student to a very small town (<30 ppl) for 6 weeks, and this wasn't even an issue. I didn't know anyone there beforehand. Also, it took me 3 flights and about a day to get there and this was the first time that I traveled outside of the country. I just wish I could get to that point again.
It has helped a bit to know that I am not the only one with agoraphobia and anxiety/panic. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one like this when I look at people that are around me. I think "why can't I just be like that?" And I finally know that such a condition does exist and that I am not crazy as I once believed when I was having really bad panic episodes. :)
I've had anxiety since the time when I first started college. I think it really developed when I moved into a dorm on campus and then I was diagnosed with mono. Of course at that time, I didn't know what panic or anxiety disorders were and went to the doctor, naturopath, and acupuncturist for all sorts of tests and attempts to get cured. My doctor at one point gave me lexapro, which I tried for a couple of days, until I realized it just made my anxiety worse. I ended up in urgent care, because it felt like my head (like my actual brain) was tingling and my skin was burning. That is when I decided that I would never take medicine for my anxiety again.
As time went on, my boyfriend, who is now my husband became my "safe" person. I used to drive all of the time and I really enjoyed it. I used to be out at any time of the day or night.
Now, I have agoraphobia, which I have probably had for about 3 years or so now. It's really frustrating. I want to feel "normal" again and be able to do all of the things that I used to do. Now, just going outside alone gives me anxiety.
I'm a "night" person and I usually stay up until 3am, so that I will sleep later in the day, because then I will not be alone so much when my husband is at work. This gives me less time to develop any anxiety.
I avoid many situations that give me anxiety, which is how I have avoided a full blown panic attack for over a year or two now. I can barely drive when my husband is with me. If I do, I usually end up taking the long way to avoid sitting at long traffic lights. I realized that I don't like major traffic lights for the most part, because then there is a greater chance for me to panic. I would really like to attempt to drive on the highway again, but I am trying to manage the streets and this smaller highway for now.
Lately, I have been attempting to retrieve the mail from the mailbox, which is about 100 feet one way from my front door. This has been producing a little anxiety, but I figure that I need to start somewhere.
If my husband isn't with me, I really do not go anywhere at all. He even goes to school with me once a week, and waits for me while I take my 3hr long class.
Anyway, he told me over the weekend that he will have to go on a business trip to Chicago in July from Sunday morning- Thursday morning. Chicago is about a 4 hour plane ride from here. I will be away from my husband, who is my "safe" person for 4 nights and 5 days. I really have no idea of what to do. Sometimes just the thought of it scares me, and other times I feel confident and that I can do it. I told him that I will most likely in that house during the whole time. I'm not sure if I can do this. It's hard enough for me to be home alone while he is at work for 8-10 hours a day. How am I going to manage 96 hours?
This is really stressing me out, as well as my finals and projects that must be done within the next two weeks for my 3 classes. Also, two weeks from now, we will be going to Sweden to visit his family. I've been on this journey twice before, but flights scare me, because there's about 10 hours that I will be in a plane. I always try to distract myself, which sometimes works, but I also get very ancy. The point when I get frustrated is knowing that when I was 17, I went to Sweden by myself as an exchange student to a very small town (<30 ppl) for 6 weeks, and this wasn't even an issue. I didn't know anyone there beforehand. Also, it took me 3 flights and about a day to get there and this was the first time that I traveled outside of the country. I just wish I could get to that point again.
It has helped a bit to know that I am not the only one with agoraphobia and anxiety/panic. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one like this when I look at people that are around me. I think "why can't I just be like that?" And I finally know that such a condition does exist and that I am not crazy as I once believed when I was having really bad panic episodes. :)