My story so far...

[aidendean]

Hello everybody


I thought I would tell everyone whys been going on in my life and if you an relate then great an could assure me that it's all anxiety related then even better! So here it goes:

Okay so everything started around 5 months ago when I had a bad case of gastrontitis, for around a week, then everything seemed to change, I had my basically first panic attack around a week later and everything around me felt different, I didn't know where I was or what was going on, I've had this feeling constantly since then :/ but my physical symptoms have got so extreme I'm 95% I've got a life threatening illness (brain tumor) so since that day I've had a weird numbing detachment from the right side of my body, and it's been getting persistently worse every single day, I've been to the hospital several times thinking I'm dying, but everytime they just say its anxiety and its making me severely angry!, I had a brain and neck scan on Thursday last week and still haven't had the results back, I'm so so scared that I've got a brain tumor! I know people think they have things but I've literally got so many symptoms of one, dizziness, always weak and tired, constant headaches, and my eyes feel really weird like they feel blurred and just generally fucked up, and recently I've started questioning every little thing!, like how I can move my arms and legs and how something as small as an eye can create images! I've even been so scared that I'm going to die that I wrote down a massive speech to be read at my funeral :/ thanking everyone who has been there or me, a list of the rest of my symptoms are:

Feeling of complete hopelessness
Feeling that I can't move my body and that it's deformed
Heart pain an heart palpitations
Severe headaches
Weird rash on skin
Always weak and tired
Constant muscle twitches all over the body

The list could go on for pages and pages

I just want someone who can tell me that this is just anxiety/ depression related and I'm not going die soon :( anything any comment anyone would be grateful, thank you for reading my story any comments are welcome!

[metallijim]

I have every symptom you have listed there and a whole lot more and Yes it's all anxiety related. When you say your body feels deformed I'm guessing you mean that you feel you can't control it properly? Like your in your body but someone else is doing the work?

[aidendean]

Have you actually had all the symptoms I've described? Because it would be amazing if someone actually had felt like I do!, ermm well I look at my arms and legs and they seem weird like they look different to what they used to.. But I've heard of personalisation and it could be that, I just feel I will never be the guy I used to, I used to be so happy all the time and the sky was my limit, and I feel like I'm on deaths door. :/ what other symptoms have you encountered my friend?

[justconfused]

I do the same. I'll look in the mirror and ask everyone around me if I look different or if my eyes look black around them or this bump or that one was there before. I also look at my veins and think did they used to stick out right there, or I'll look at a bone somewhere and feel like it used to not look like that.

[aidendean]

Oh my god! I do every single one of those things! Especially the vein one, I always think did my veins show up that strongly and were the always that colour, I can barely look in the mirror these days, because I just don't like what I see, I don't look the same (mentally) and if I'm honest I look like a hopeless waste of space :/ ....

[metallijim]

Yes I really have all the symptoms you have. They come and go depending how well I'm managing my anxiety. What you're experiencing with your body sounds like Depersonalisation (DP) alright. This can sometimes coincide with bouts of Derealisation (DR). It is very frightening if you're experiencing it for the first time. I've been having this the last couple of days now. The skin rash is more a symptom of stress rather than anxiety but you can't have anxiety without being stressed. Basically the more you worry and let this get on top of you, the longer the rash lasts and the worse it gets. Sometimes you won't get a rash but you might have like a burning feeling under your skin, like you have sunburn but your skin looks fine. If you get this do not scratch because you will break out in a rash almost instantly. Headaches Yes, Heart palps Yes, feeling down Yes, constantly fatigued Yes. It's all anxiety.

[justconfused]

The things is.. You honestly believe what you are saying is true, but my family laughs and says you look perfectly normal like you always have. I'm thinking in my head, no I swear I have never noticed this before. They seem like they think I just randomly ask stuff, but I'm serious when I ask. Or sometimes I'll look at my toes or something and say it looks like I'm not getting circulation or something. It gets ridiculous, but it's hard. It's like your mind looks for things even when you don't think you are. You will just be looking without realizing and all the sudden think, um why does that look like that. I can have like a minor muscle cramp around the knee or something from sitting too long and if it persists for more than a few minutes my mind starts up and all I can think is, oh no I hope this doesn't lead to some kind of surgery.

[aidendean]

I get that all the time!, but what's worrying me the most now is this sensation in my arms and legs mainly right side and right side of face, when I touch it I can just about feel it but the skin is numb and doesn't feel right at all, I'm just so so so scared I'm gunna die because the doctors have missed something :(

[justconfused]

I also experience that on the right side how odd. Although mine doesn't feel what I would call numb. I pinch it or put something cold on it and can still feel good so I describe it more as like a warm fuzzy tingle or something. It happens on my cheek, scalp, or arm. Sometimes even my side of my ribs. It always goes right away, though. With no accompanying pain or weakness on one side of the body which is what causes concern with most things.

[aidendean]

See mine is constant and there is definitely a numbing! I'm convinced is because of a brain tumor :(

[metallijim]

I noticed that since I've had anxiety my body has become super sensitive. Yesterday I was reading a newspaper. I had my left elbow on the table and I was resting my head on my hand (closed fist). I stayed like that for 5-10 minutes and when I took my hand away I had a flood of pins and needles in my face. It lasted for 10-15 minutes and freaked me out. I've become so susceptible to pins and needles the last few months. If I hold my arm above my head more than 10 seconds I swear I can feel the blood drain down and then the pins and needles flood my arm. I don't know if this is similar to what you're experiencing. Do you find when you sit or stand that it is worse than when you're lying down?

[aidendean]

My feeling is that it (normally my right side) feels not existent and extremly weak, my symptoms are definitely worse when I'm lying down or sitting down, when I move about I don't notice this as much but it's still there! These results of my MRI seem to be taking so long to come through! It will be a week tomorrow! And if worse case scenario happens and I have a brain tumor, with these physical symptoms being so bad it would mean that the tumor was big and I wouldn't have long to live :(

[robkiki]

I totally understand where your coming from I'm just like u I get headaches all the time pain in my eyes tingling on my face I think I'm dying or there must be something wrong but I told my doc this and he said its anxiety and from reading everyone on here it sounds like it just put my mind at rest that little bit

[metallijim]

I think if they found something on your MRI you would know by now. The MRI technician monitors the scans as they happen and would surely report any anomally's immediately to your doctor. I've noticed over the last couple of months that when your tests are clear the doctor seems to be in no rush to give you the results. Have you rang your doctor to see if the results are ready?

[aidendean]

Hmmm but Apparently the technicians can't read the scan :/ and things are getting worse every single day :(, I can barely walk around my house as it feels so weird and my head/mind just feels really fucked up! I fear I will never be myself again .

[aidendean]

Anyone else no about MRI scans?

[justconfused]

Anyone else no about MRI scans?

My sister had one Friday. She was told to come back to the neurologist and she would get the results, but they found a cyst that was trying to grow into the roof of her mouth. We got a phone call two days later before we even went back to the appointment. They scheduled a CT scan. They will definitely let you know if they saw something.