kevin
05-29-2007, 01:04 AM
I am completely insane.
I believe I now have schizo and beyond.
I have not taken any medications for my anxiety/panic attacks/disorder other than tranquilizers the odd time. I have gone beyond a simple anxiety disorder.
Its difficult to explain, but I often feel like everything in my life is somehow in a computer in my mind.
Sometimes I see things as being 2D instead of 3D.
I often wonder if people have their own thoughts or if they are simply put in my world.
I often see little swirls of faint white in walls when I'm focusing on something in front of it.
When I look at the sky when its bright out I see little flashing white dots all over the sky.
Yesterday I was having a panic attack and gravity in itself freaked me out. Also, the earth has freaked me out as well as the universe. Everything beyond the earth has freaked me out.
I often think of my son being harmed and killed (not by me).
I often tell myself that when my son dies I will commit suicide.
I often create scenarios where I could get severely hurt or injured in even the most safest of places.
I often think of the world coming to its end.
I had a panic attack when I turned 22 because "I am 22 now and I cant go back or change my age".
I often wonder how I can even control my own bodily functions.
I often wonder how I can breathe when I have no control of it.
I often wonder why I even have to breathe.
I often think people are thinking poorly of and judging me in their minds.
My self-esteem is at an abysmal point. I honestly believe I am completely ugly, and a fat ass (I weigh about 170 and I'm 6'4).
Attempts at explaining things to my mother gets me bitched at.
I care about what everyone thinks more than what I myself think.
I always convince myself I have some form of cancer.
One second I will be laughing, the next I will be thinking of death, the next I will be light headed and confused, the next I will be angry, the next I will be apathetic...and it goes on.
Attempts at pinpointing my anxiety only lead me into thinking about every single aspect of my life I have fucked up, and how I can't take it back and go back into time and do everything completely different, because I would if I could.
I believe I now have schizo and beyond.
I have not taken any medications for my anxiety/panic attacks/disorder other than tranquilizers the odd time. I have gone beyond a simple anxiety disorder.
Its difficult to explain, but I often feel like everything in my life is somehow in a computer in my mind.
Sometimes I see things as being 2D instead of 3D.
I often wonder if people have their own thoughts or if they are simply put in my world.
I often see little swirls of faint white in walls when I'm focusing on something in front of it.
When I look at the sky when its bright out I see little flashing white dots all over the sky.
Yesterday I was having a panic attack and gravity in itself freaked me out. Also, the earth has freaked me out as well as the universe. Everything beyond the earth has freaked me out.
I often think of my son being harmed and killed (not by me).
I often tell myself that when my son dies I will commit suicide.
I often create scenarios where I could get severely hurt or injured in even the most safest of places.
I often think of the world coming to its end.
I had a panic attack when I turned 22 because "I am 22 now and I cant go back or change my age".
I often wonder how I can even control my own bodily functions.
I often wonder how I can breathe when I have no control of it.
I often wonder why I even have to breathe.
I often think people are thinking poorly of and judging me in their minds.
My self-esteem is at an abysmal point. I honestly believe I am completely ugly, and a fat ass (I weigh about 170 and I'm 6'4).
Attempts at explaining things to my mother gets me bitched at.
I care about what everyone thinks more than what I myself think.
I always convince myself I have some form of cancer.
One second I will be laughing, the next I will be thinking of death, the next I will be light headed and confused, the next I will be angry, the next I will be apathetic...and it goes on.
Attempts at pinpointing my anxiety only lead me into thinking about every single aspect of my life I have fucked up, and how I can't take it back and go back into time and do everything completely different, because I would if I could.