ifoundhelp
01-21-2013, 04:08 AM
I suffered from anxiety, depression, crippling derealization and constant panic attacks. It's all a thing of the past and I have been panic free and derealization free for the past 2 years. Apart from the story below providing advice, I also want to emphasize the importance of staying in the present moments with present thoughts, instead of worrying of the future and past. Control your thoughts and gradually the DR will disappear, have the courage to fight it out once and for all.
Anyway this was written a long time ago and I am perfectly happy at the moment:-
During these panic attacks I would feel like im remembering or re-dreaming a dream that I had forgotten I had the night or a few nights before. My whole perception would change to a dreamlike depressing world where you feel like the only one who exists. There would always be an 'entity' warning me this would happen (during the attack), and its always saying the same thing, I always forget what the words are though, or if I do remember its something like 'your losing connections, get out, remember this, remember what its like, the blue balloon.'
At the time though it makes complete sense. As soon as this happens, my heart starts beating really fast, I feel weak and drained and I can smell a blood/metallic scent. I get really nauseous, I forget where I am and what I was doing (takes about 10 minutes to shake this off) and sometimes I start sweating. The attack is so intense its unimaginable unless you have experianced it. They are so depressing. At first when I got them, I was more intrigued by them, they fascinated me.
The more panic attacks I had the more I lost touch with reality. I didnt feel real, nothing felt real. I almost resorted to hurting myself just to feel again, but then came accross ayurveda, which I will explain later. I also got noturnal episodes which would wake me up. I would experiance the same things I have already tried to describe. However sometimes I would have different 'seizures' during the night. I would wake up, and feel like the room is expanding MILLIONS of times it size, while I shrink to the size of an atom. Then the room would shrink to the size of an atom and I would expand to the size of the universe. Kind of like in the rhythm of a heartbeat. It was torture. My perception of time and space would change, its hard to describe. Things far away would feel like theyre really close, as if your zooming in. A weird way to describe it (if you play COD lol) is like looking through a sniper rifle, then out again, repeatedly really fast for hours. It was torture but there no way to escape it. If you go to sleep you get another seizure, if you stay awake you have to deal with these disturbing perceptions of reality. I would describe as torture to the mind. I couldn't wish this on anybody, not even my worst enemy.
Once these fucked up episodes finished, I would feel odd for a few days to come, and then I would feel like I am on the road to recovery. But then as soon as I'm hopefuly again, guess what, another fucking panic attack. I lived in fear of having episodes of which I had no idea what I was experiancing, I thought I was going mad.
I prayed to God to stop them, I questioned reality, my memory was like a goldfish, I would talk sometimes but my words would sometimes become jumbled and I would look stupid as If i was high or something. It made me paranoid and anti-social because I didnt want to look odd. I remember for a particular time I would hold all my emotions in (at this point I havent told anyone about what I'm experiancing) until I got home, then I would get in the shower, start the hot water, get down on my knees, start crying from and pray and beg from the bottom of my soul for a higher power to help me. I would be so emotional that even 1 hour later my whole body would be shaking. I didnt tell my parents anything as I didnt want them to know what I was going through and upset them. It made me happy knowing that they didnt know what I was experiancing and them thinking I was a normal happy person. I didnt even know what happiness was, I had forgotten, the new meaning of happiness for me was 'a lack of sadness'. OK enough about the depressing rant, Ill start getting to the good news which I think could help everyone.
Ok so about 2 months ago I was watching something on zee tv, some Indian channel (Im 20, from and born in the UK but am Indian, of Gujarati descent). Some guy was claiming to be able to heal and relieve hernias, kidney problems, diabeties, infertility, and basically everything. I was watching him for a few hours just prescribing different home remedies and treatments for particular problems. I then looked him up, read up his life story etc, and read somewhere that ayurveda worked very well on people with mental health problems.
Modern medicine DOES work, but does it deal with the root cause of the problem or just the effects of the cause?
Anyway I youtubed him (dr.pankaj naram) and epilepsy etc and only managed to find one story regarding him and epilepsy, and it was claiming these herbs and prescribed diet cured her son of epilepsy. Apparently some bodies are more sensitive to other foods which build up as toxins in the body and cause havoc etc etc.
Ok, cutting to the chase now. I went to see Dr Smita Naram, I was lucky to get a slot with her as she and her staff were only in London for a few more days and wouldnt be back for another 6 months. When I saw her, we did all the usual meet n greet etc, then she asked for my wrist. She pulse read me and I was hoping she would say everything that was wrong with me (they pulse read you and see whats going on in your body - dont really know how, its called ayurveda pulse reading though). I was hoping she would saying you have epilepsy. Instead she said there was something wrong with my mind, I have difficulty concentrating on anything, you skin problems and hair falling (I do slightly but its not noticable unless you stare at my hair from 10 cm away). I then told her what I had and she started nodding, and saying her son had exactly what I had and that she was going to heal me, and that my hallucinations and episodes would stop after 1 1/2 years of taking the herbs she would make me buy (yes I know this sound dodgy) and by following the diet she has given me.
So fast forward a few days later. I get the herbs on a discount (I explained that im a student etc) and im starting to take them. For the first 2-3 days my chest and ears went bright red and I had dry skin all around my ears. This redness and dry skin was gone by the 2nd week. I started doing pranayama as well (anulom vilom, kaphal bhatti, meditation). I was still living in fear of having a episode, but I didnt get another one, I got close to one once-- some weird vibe before you get a dejavu. Life was getting good and about 1 1/2 months later I feel almost back to normal, constant fatigue was gone, de-personalization and de-realization gone etc. I felt strong again physically and emotionally, and I was actually laughing again. The process was slow, you dont really realize the change to 'reality' but you do realize that your not having episodes almost a few weeks later. Anyways, so yeah, life was good. Unfortunately I had to resit my exams (1st year university), as I did no work, I couldnt, even if I looked at my books my mind would be in another place, I couldnt concentrate and I would be constantly contemplating the meaning of life. Why am I here, whats the points, is there even a reason, maybe death is more peaceful. It was like trying to study while your mind is being tortured by unwelcome thoughts that you cannot control. Well yeah, so I had to resit my exams, and I just passed. It had been about 2 1/2 months since I had been using the herbs.
Ive had to delete alot of my post to remain in the '10,000' characters so im ending it here, but you get the jist. Try ayurveda along with ur medication and just see what happens.
Peace x
Anyway this was written a long time ago and I am perfectly happy at the moment:-
During these panic attacks I would feel like im remembering or re-dreaming a dream that I had forgotten I had the night or a few nights before. My whole perception would change to a dreamlike depressing world where you feel like the only one who exists. There would always be an 'entity' warning me this would happen (during the attack), and its always saying the same thing, I always forget what the words are though, or if I do remember its something like 'your losing connections, get out, remember this, remember what its like, the blue balloon.'
At the time though it makes complete sense. As soon as this happens, my heart starts beating really fast, I feel weak and drained and I can smell a blood/metallic scent. I get really nauseous, I forget where I am and what I was doing (takes about 10 minutes to shake this off) and sometimes I start sweating. The attack is so intense its unimaginable unless you have experianced it. They are so depressing. At first when I got them, I was more intrigued by them, they fascinated me.
The more panic attacks I had the more I lost touch with reality. I didnt feel real, nothing felt real. I almost resorted to hurting myself just to feel again, but then came accross ayurveda, which I will explain later. I also got noturnal episodes which would wake me up. I would experiance the same things I have already tried to describe. However sometimes I would have different 'seizures' during the night. I would wake up, and feel like the room is expanding MILLIONS of times it size, while I shrink to the size of an atom. Then the room would shrink to the size of an atom and I would expand to the size of the universe. Kind of like in the rhythm of a heartbeat. It was torture. My perception of time and space would change, its hard to describe. Things far away would feel like theyre really close, as if your zooming in. A weird way to describe it (if you play COD lol) is like looking through a sniper rifle, then out again, repeatedly really fast for hours. It was torture but there no way to escape it. If you go to sleep you get another seizure, if you stay awake you have to deal with these disturbing perceptions of reality. I would describe as torture to the mind. I couldn't wish this on anybody, not even my worst enemy.
Once these fucked up episodes finished, I would feel odd for a few days to come, and then I would feel like I am on the road to recovery. But then as soon as I'm hopefuly again, guess what, another fucking panic attack. I lived in fear of having episodes of which I had no idea what I was experiancing, I thought I was going mad.
I prayed to God to stop them, I questioned reality, my memory was like a goldfish, I would talk sometimes but my words would sometimes become jumbled and I would look stupid as If i was high or something. It made me paranoid and anti-social because I didnt want to look odd. I remember for a particular time I would hold all my emotions in (at this point I havent told anyone about what I'm experiancing) until I got home, then I would get in the shower, start the hot water, get down on my knees, start crying from and pray and beg from the bottom of my soul for a higher power to help me. I would be so emotional that even 1 hour later my whole body would be shaking. I didnt tell my parents anything as I didnt want them to know what I was going through and upset them. It made me happy knowing that they didnt know what I was experiancing and them thinking I was a normal happy person. I didnt even know what happiness was, I had forgotten, the new meaning of happiness for me was 'a lack of sadness'. OK enough about the depressing rant, Ill start getting to the good news which I think could help everyone.
Ok so about 2 months ago I was watching something on zee tv, some Indian channel (Im 20, from and born in the UK but am Indian, of Gujarati descent). Some guy was claiming to be able to heal and relieve hernias, kidney problems, diabeties, infertility, and basically everything. I was watching him for a few hours just prescribing different home remedies and treatments for particular problems. I then looked him up, read up his life story etc, and read somewhere that ayurveda worked very well on people with mental health problems.
Modern medicine DOES work, but does it deal with the root cause of the problem or just the effects of the cause?
Anyway I youtubed him (dr.pankaj naram) and epilepsy etc and only managed to find one story regarding him and epilepsy, and it was claiming these herbs and prescribed diet cured her son of epilepsy. Apparently some bodies are more sensitive to other foods which build up as toxins in the body and cause havoc etc etc.
Ok, cutting to the chase now. I went to see Dr Smita Naram, I was lucky to get a slot with her as she and her staff were only in London for a few more days and wouldnt be back for another 6 months. When I saw her, we did all the usual meet n greet etc, then she asked for my wrist. She pulse read me and I was hoping she would say everything that was wrong with me (they pulse read you and see whats going on in your body - dont really know how, its called ayurveda pulse reading though). I was hoping she would saying you have epilepsy. Instead she said there was something wrong with my mind, I have difficulty concentrating on anything, you skin problems and hair falling (I do slightly but its not noticable unless you stare at my hair from 10 cm away). I then told her what I had and she started nodding, and saying her son had exactly what I had and that she was going to heal me, and that my hallucinations and episodes would stop after 1 1/2 years of taking the herbs she would make me buy (yes I know this sound dodgy) and by following the diet she has given me.
So fast forward a few days later. I get the herbs on a discount (I explained that im a student etc) and im starting to take them. For the first 2-3 days my chest and ears went bright red and I had dry skin all around my ears. This redness and dry skin was gone by the 2nd week. I started doing pranayama as well (anulom vilom, kaphal bhatti, meditation). I was still living in fear of having a episode, but I didnt get another one, I got close to one once-- some weird vibe before you get a dejavu. Life was getting good and about 1 1/2 months later I feel almost back to normal, constant fatigue was gone, de-personalization and de-realization gone etc. I felt strong again physically and emotionally, and I was actually laughing again. The process was slow, you dont really realize the change to 'reality' but you do realize that your not having episodes almost a few weeks later. Anyways, so yeah, life was good. Unfortunately I had to resit my exams (1st year university), as I did no work, I couldnt, even if I looked at my books my mind would be in another place, I couldnt concentrate and I would be constantly contemplating the meaning of life. Why am I here, whats the points, is there even a reason, maybe death is more peaceful. It was like trying to study while your mind is being tortured by unwelcome thoughts that you cannot control. Well yeah, so I had to resit my exams, and I just passed. It had been about 2 1/2 months since I had been using the herbs.
Ive had to delete alot of my post to remain in the '10,000' characters so im ending it here, but you get the jist. Try ayurveda along with ur medication and just see what happens.
Peace x