I cannot cope

[temperancebrennan]

I don't know how much longer I can cope with feeling like this every day. It's every single day, almost every waking moment. It even wakes me up when I'm asleep.
I cannot concentrate on my work. I've had 36 full days off in the past 12 months from it, that's not including all the part days (at least 7 this month already). So I'm scared that I will get fired.

I feel like crying all the time because of how bad I feel every day. I cried for 2 hours straight the other day. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I try my best to pretend to be normal by going to see my friends etc, but I'm always on edge & feeling my anxiety symptoms so I end up being quiet or fidgeting because I'm so uncomfortable.

I'm at work right now, but have had to take some time out because I can't use my hands properly (keep having to put my phone down whilst I'm writing this), my legs feel like lead, I have dry mouth, feel dizzy & out of my own body. I also have a headache, which may be from my increased medication, but it's not helping.

My blood test apparently came back normal, but to discuss it fully I need to book another appointment. So I cannot buy any supplements to help if I don't know if I really need them.

I'm just losing hope yet I want to get better more than anything. I just don't know what else I can do. I'm on medication, take natural remedies, drink camomile tea, cut out caffeine, listen to relaxation tapes, on a waiting list for CBT, use diazepam. But nothing seems to be helping.

I'm scared that I'm going to have to live the rest of my life feeling like this. My faith in getting better is dropping :(

[metallijim]

Do you mind me asking why you're on a waiting list for CBT?

[temperancebrennan]

Because I cannot afford to go private so it's through the NHS. There's a 10-12 week waiting list at the moment :(

[metallijim]

Oh, have you tried CBT cd's or dvd's while you wait?

[temperancebrennan]

I don't have any DVDs for it. I wasn't aware that it was something that could be done at home.
I cannot afford to buy anything until Friday. Do you use the DVDs?
I don't think I can handle today.

[metallijim]

Yes you can do it at home. There's a huge range of dvds. It's training exercises to change the way you think about and approach anxiety. There are quite a few approaches, it's a matter of finding the ones that help you. I haven't used these dvds, I'm currently attending 1 on 1 CBT sessions. I think you should maybe try a dvd while you're waiting and see what you think. What harm can it do?

[temperancebrennan]

Thank you. I will have to have a look online & at reviews.
I want to enjoy my days & I'm really struggling to get through a day in one piece.
Even at home I'm not relaxed, but I know I don't have to do anything so I feel like I can handle it slightly better.

I've tried "riding out the symptoms" but I don't think I can do it.

I had 4 months without anxiety & I feel like I took that time for granted now. I would give anything to go back to normal.

[metallijim]

We all want that time back. I'm sure you have heard this countless times but it really is just a mindset. It's easy looking back at how life was, it's harder to fight to get that back BUT definitely not impossible. Unfortunately it's not enough to just WANT to fell normal again, you have to work at it. Believe me when I say that changing the way you look at and approach anxiety is the toughest thing to do but once you're over this hurdle you honestly won't believe the boost it gives you. It took me a while to look at anxiety like this but once I got over this stage I made real progress.

[alankay]

How much valium do you take? That does it for me for the most part(when I can't calm myself down) but you need the right dose of course. Alankay

[shady303]

Hey first of all well done for getting to work this morning coz im from leeds and cudnt get out of my street because of the heavy snow.

[temperancebrennan]

I need to know HOW to deal with it though to overcome it. I know it'll be hard, but it will be worth it in the long run.

I take 2mg 3 times a day (my symptoms are pretty much constant) but it only gives me relief for a few hours in total.

I'm from Todmorden & had to get to Halifax. The main roads were quite clear so it wasn't bad getting in.

[laurandisorder]

I know how much you have been struggling the last few weeks and it sucks. I wish I could help make it better - we all do.

I know the feeling of the relapse - the defeat that comes with it. I have been dealing with this for four years off and on now and it really is a roller coaster. If recommend doubling your Valium in the morning. It usually takes me a couple of weeks of taking 5mg pills each morning to get through anticipatory anxiety. Then take one pill in the evening. Then you can cut back as you need. It might even be worth asking your doctor to mail out a 5mg script - at my very worst (when I was literally housebound and had to go to work with my partner because I was too frightened to be alone in the house) I was taking 10mg each morning. You can also start looking at some CBT exercises like TEA forms (thoughts, errors analysis) - if you google them, you will see how to do them - they helped me a lot at my worst.

I also recommend downloading some free applications for meditation and relaxation - there are a few really decent ones out there.

We're all with you on this tough, long journey. You aren't alone.

[temperancebrennan]

I know how much you have been struggling the last few weeks and it sucks. I wish I could help make it better - we all do.

I know the feeling of the relapse - the defeat that comes with it. I have been dealing with this for four years off and on now and it really is a roller coaster. If recommend doubling your Valium in the morning. It usually takes me a couple of weeks of taking 5mg pills each morning to get through anticipatory anxiety. Then take one pill in the evening. Then you can cut back as you need. It might even be worth asking your doctor to mail out a 5mg script - at my very worst (when I was literally housebound and had to go to work with my partner because I was too frightened to be alone in the house) I was taking 10mg each morning. You can also start looking at some CBT exercises like TEA forms (thoughts, errors analysis) - if you google them, you will see how to do them - they helped me a lot at my worst.

I also recommend downloading some free applications for meditation and relaxation - there are a few really decent ones out there.

We're all with you on this tough, long journey. You aren't alone.

Yeah it's been 4-5 years with me too after I had my first panic attack out of the blue. But it used to be mostly manageable, I would only get symptoms a few times a month or a couple of times a week & it went away quite quickly. The doctor said it was Aura Migraines initially. A couple of years ago it started getting worse (I guess I was feeling symptoms / attacks once or twice a day. A couple of times a month it would last all day) & that's when I picked up safety habits such as plucking my eyebrows / eyelashes, trying to keep my hands warm, messing with makeup & my skin etc. I was put on medication & ended up on a cocktail of 2 antidepressants & a sedative. I was still anxious all the time but sleeping whenever I wasn't at work because the sedatives knocked me out. I took myself off them in July & had 4 months with no anxiety or panic attacks. In November it came back tenfold. Now it's every day & I don't know how to handle the symptoms being constant. I know there's the saying "play the victim & you will be the victim" but I want to learn & take advice about how to be strong about it & not let it take over my life like it is doing now.

I might take your advice & take a higher dose of Valium rather than 2mg. But I was only given 42 tablets, so it wouldn't last me very long.

I have a few apps about dealing with anxiety. But are there any specific ones that you would recommend?

I really appreciate everyones responses. I feel like I'm a complete moaner, but I need to vent I think.

[metallijim]

There is no simple explanation as to 'HOW' to overcome this. Medication will only help relieve the symptoms, it's not a cure. It can go some way to take the edge off and help you cope but in the end it comes down to you. YOU are the one that overcomes this. I'm going to tell you a few things that got me on my way to recovery (I'm only beginning this journey). First thing I had to do was accept I have a mental health issue. "Mental Health" is 2 words I don't like but facts are facts. Second thing and believe me this is though, You have to get Pro-Active. When I came to this realisation I took steps. I changed my diet dramatically. I checked what foods were bad for anxiety and what were good and made the changes (I find my thoughts are a lot clearer). I also started to get out and do things. I go for walks, play pool and bowling with friends, go to the pub to watch football (I don't drink anymore, worst thing for anxiety). Also, I talk to people about my problem. My friends and work colleagues all know (this is how you find out who your true friends are, some will distance themselves but I look at it like "It's their loss"). Obviously people are embarrassed they have this and understandably so (there is an awful stigma associated with mental health) but I think this can play a negative part in the recovery. The third thing I done was to get help. I started CBT. I have to admit I was sceptical when I first heard about it. Turns out most of the good reviews and testimonies you will read are true (in my opinion). CBT takes some work and it varies from person but it's working for me. I've already made good progress in pushing out negative thoughts. A work colleague is going to take me out to his meditation class too. I don't know if meditation is for me but I'm willing to give it a try. Anyway sorry about the length of this post but I hope there is something in this that will help you
:)

[temperancebrennan]

There is no simple explanation as to 'HOW' to overcome this. Medication will only help relieve the symptoms, it's not a cure. It can go some way to take the edge off and help you cope but in the end it comes down to you. YOU are the one that overcomes this. I'm going to tell you a few things that got me on my way to recovery (I'm only beginning this journey). First thing I had to do was accept I have a mental health issue. "Mental Health" is 2 words I don't like but facts are facts. Second thing and believe me this is though, You have to get Pro-Active. When I came to this realisation I took steps. I changed my diet dramatically. I checked what foods were bad for anxiety and what were good and made the changes (I find my thoughts are a lot clearer). I also started to get out and do things. I go for walks, play pool and bowling with friends, go to the pub to watch football (I don't drink anymore, worst thing for anxiety). Also, I talk to people about my problem. My friends and work colleagues all know (this is how you find out who your true friends are, some will distance themselves but I look at it like "It's their loss"). Obviously people are embarrassed they have this and understandably so (there is an awful stigma associated with mental health) but I think this can play a negative part in the recovery. The third thing I done was to get help. I started CBT. I have to admit I was sceptical when I first heard about it. Turns out most of the good reviews and testimonies you will read are true (in my opinion). CBT takes some work and it varies from person but it's working for me. I've already made good progress in pushing out negative thoughts. A work colleague is going to take me out to his meditation class too. I don't know if meditation is for me but I'm willing to give it a try. Anyway sorry about the length of this post but I hope there is something in this that will help you
:)

I've accepted the fact that I have this condition. I've had 4 types of antidepressants as well as other medications & it would be naive of me to think that I can just rely on them. I know I have to make myself better.
I also don't stop myself going places. I try to keep busy, whether it's with friends, watching a film, playing a game, reading, sorting my room, painting my nails etc.
I just need to learn how to cope with the symptoms. Once they start, I can't think of anything else. No matter how much I try to take my mind off them. That's what I really need to work on. In my head, I'm fine. If I ever have a good day, I'm not a worrying person. I just want to see my friends, go out for meals, have some world beers, go shopping... All without feeling out of my own body & thinking about every little symptom.

[metallijim]

I understand. I really think the CBT will help you. Help you drive them thoughts out when they creep in.

[rhar]

What symptoms do you get?

[angieproc1977]

Hi , I'm feeling exactly like this right now been fine all day then wham palpitations galore I feel so tense and frightened I HATE these symptoms... What's the symptoms you have x

[rhar]

I've just started CBT and feel its already helping a little. I'm the same as you, it's all about the reaction to my symptoms

[temperancebrennan]

I can't wait to start CBT, but it's looking as though it's going to be almost 3 months until I will see someone.

The main symptoms that I get are numb hands / not being able to use them properly, feeling like I'm outside of my own body, legs like lead, headache, shallow breathing, twinges throughout my body, can't stay still, urge to cry. I could go on.

What have you learned in your first CBT session? I'd like to hear how people get on with it.

[rhar]

I get the same numbness and not being able to sit still. My main symptoms are dizziness and feeling faint and feeling like I'm going to fall over when walking.

My psychologist has told me that I need to learn to stop fighting the symptoms as thus makes them worse. When I'm feeling faint I have to say to myself "I am ok, this has happened before, it's my body's reaction to stress"

I also bought a book that she recommended. I'm from Australia and its an Australian author it's called "living with IT" it's a comic style book about panic and anxiety and is helping me.

[metallijim]

From my experience my first session is more about the therapist learning about my anxiety. My therapist took notes on my symptoms, when I first suffered anxiety symptoms, what symptoms, how I react to the symptoms. She's trying to get an idea of what makes me tick essentially. She also took my doctors details, she told me this is something most therapists do but will not contact my doctor without my permission. The second session is where it really begins properly. For me the main thing she wanted me to do was, when I feel down and have the racing thoughts, heart pounding etc, that I say to myself 'I'm having the thought that...........' (fill in the blank) and just think about it. It's just a thought, it's not fact, just simply a thought. It's simple and straight to the point. We also discussed the circumstances that make me most anxious, going out alone, crowded places etc.
I had my third session today and I'm starting to delve into the thoughts that make me most anxious. I could feel the symptoms lingering inside while talking about this but it felt good to talk about. I'm enjoying the CBT, I feel buzzed afterwards. Gives me a boost.

[temperancebrennan]

I really can't wait to start my sessions. It's good to hear success stories from it & knowing that works for other people.

I want to look for a book or DVD to help in the meantime but there are so many, I don't know where to start.
I live in a small town & all support groups that I've seen are quite far away & I don't drive.

[hunn3yy]

I know the feeling of having to wait I too am waiting for a personal therapist that's govt paid which means I have to be on a wait list.

[granty]

Although the symptoms are real there actually your mind making them happen take a deep breathe and tell yourself your going to be fine nothing bad is going to happen to you, easier said than done i know from personal experience, I find the more you concentrate on the symptoms the worse they get, you need to somehow distract yourself x

[metallijim]

Try amazon. Pretty quick delivery from them and you can make a judgement by the reviews too. Keep an eye out out for people trying them for the first time in the reviews.

[anxiousweirdo]

I have read this full thread and I just want to give u a big hug! Hope ur ok x

[temperancebrennan]

I could cry right now, everyone is so kind. I don't know what I'd do if I'd not found this forum. I really appreciate every response that I get. No one that I know really understands so it's brilliant to have support from you lot. It really means a lot to me that you took your time to read my post & reply.

I'm going to research DVDs & books to try whilst I wait for CBT.

I have made changes that I hope will start to make a difference. I cut out caffeine (which is huge for a former diet coke addict haha), I drink blueberry smoothies daily, use wholegrain bread, peanut butter, eat yoghurt, take vitamin c daily, drink camomile tea every day, I have my personal Bachs remedy with me & in all my drinks.

Once I can learn to control my symptoms then I'm sure I will be able to get better. It's going to be really hard, but I can't continue like this or I will end up a complete mess.

[granty]

Chin up 😉 when u hit an all time low the only way is up x

[metallijim]

I don't know if you're prone to migraines (I wasn't until I suffered anxiety) but just in case you are, peanut butter can be a migraine trigger but only IF you suffer with them. Just thought I'd give you a heads up.

[temperancebrennan]

I know, I just lose hope sometimes. I need to snap out of it.

[metallijim]

I know, I just lose hope sometimes. I need to snap out of it.

We all feel like that at some stage every day, you're not alone there :) The low points don't matter, it's every little battle you win against this that matters. You're moving in the right direction, remember that :)

[laurandisorder]

The apps that I use quite a lot include relax lite - which helps with breathing, mindfulness - which is good for mediation and brainwaves - which is a music based app that has relaxation and de-stress music in it. I highly recommend them.

[temperancebrennan]

So, I've been off work for the last 3 days but not left the house. I felt a lot better today, so thought my medication was starting to work.
Today my friend invited me round for food, but as soon as I got to the bus stop to go to hers, my anxiety symptoms hit me again. Now I'm at hers & feeling awful.
I don't know how I can go back to work when I can barely cope being at a friends house.

[bfsgreg]

I don't know how much longer I can cope with feeling like this every day. It's every single day, almost every waking moment. It even wakes me up when I'm asleep.
I cannot concentrate on my work. I've had 36 full days off in the past 12 months from it, that's not including all the part days (at least 7 this month already). So I'm scared that I will get fired.

I feel like crying all the time because of how bad I feel every day. I cried for 2 hours straight the other day. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I try my best to pretend to be normal by going to see my friends etc, but I'm always on edge & feeling my anxiety symptoms so I end up being quiet or fidgeting because I'm so uncomfortable.

I'm at work right now, but have had to take some time out because I can't use my hands properly (keep having to put my phone down whilst I'm writing this), my legs feel like lead, I have dry mouth, feel dizzy & out of my own body. I also have a headache, which may be from my increased medication, but it's not helping.

My blood test apparently came back normal, but to discuss it fully I need to book another appointment. So I cannot buy any supplements to help if I don't know if I really need them.

I'm just losing hope yet I want to get better more than anything. I just don't know what else I can do. I'm on medication, take natural remedies, drink camomile tea, cut out caffeine, listen to relaxation tapes, on a waiting list for CBT, use diazepam. But nothing seems to be helping.

I'm scared that I'm going to have to live the rest of my life feeling like this. My faith in getting better is dropping :(
So sorry to hear that you are still suffering-

[jhunter89]

Feel better soon chick x

[temperancebrennan]

Thank you.
I want to go back in to work, but I'm worried that I'll have to come home after a couple of hours like I have had to do.
I've not done a full week in work yet this month :(

[jhunter89]

Hey I know it feels bad not being able to function like a normal human being. People at work think you're a flake, not pulling your weight... But fuck those dicks. You're 10x stronger than them, they probably have no clue about anxiety and how hard it is to get through each day. So hold your head up high. They can't sack you for having a condition and if they do.. Take those bastards to tribunal! X

[dazza]

Thank you.
I want to go back in to work, but I'm worried that I'll have to come home after a couple of hours like I have had to do.
I've not done a full week in work yet this month :(

Strange question - but have you been drunk recently?
I mean really pissed.. like near wobbling?
If so - how did you feel?

Just wondering if ANYTHING can suppress your anxiety.. albeit for a short time.

[jhunter89]

Strange question - but have you been drunk recently?
I mean really pissed.. like near wobbling?
If so - how did you feel?

Just wondering if ANYTHING can suppress your anxiety.. albeit for a short time.

Meeeee I am

[temperancebrennan]

I was drunk about 3 weeks ago. After 2 beers I feel absolutely fine. But that's a route that I don't really want to go down.

[jhunter89]

No definitely not

[rhar]

Try to take one day at a time.. Congratulate yourself for making it out of the house, that's a big step! Breathing exercises never worked for me until I saw a psychologist recently and she taught me the "breathing waltz"... In through your nose and say one, two three then out one two three...

I have debilitating symptoms.. Feeling faint, dizzy, feeling like I'm going to fall over and more but I keep saying to myself... You can do this you know these feelings all too well and has anything happened in the past?? No.. It doesn't completely stop the symptoms buy it has eased them a tiny bit.

Does your work know you suffer anxiety?

[temperancebrennan]

I think I need to try an app for breathing exercises. My breathing gets so shallow that I end up burping loads (not very feminine!)
But it's the feeling in my hands & legs that bother me the most. Along with feeling outside of my own body :/

[temperancebrennan]

Yeah work know about it. But I think they're losing patience with me now because it's gone on for so long.
I wanted to go back to work tomorrow, but I don't think I'll be able to manage.

[rhar]

Yep I get them too. Used to scare me into panic. I've learnt to accept its part of my anxiety..

Like yesterday at work I had 2 panic attacks during meetings. These days I manage to sit there and stay in the room (in the past is bolt for the door and go home) then when I got home last night I was in such a daze from it all. I felt like I could barely see or stand up. If I turn my head I feel off balance and giddy. Instead of panicking I run a hot bath and try to let it pass. I have a three year old so it's not always easy finding some "me" time!!

[rhar]

Yeah work know about it. But I think they're losing patience with me now because it's gone on for so long.
I wanted to go back to work tomorrow, but I don't think I'll be able to manage.

What is your job?

[temperancebrennan]

I work in an office doing motor claims for a big insurance company. It doesn't stress me out though.
My symptoms just come on for no reason & then I fail at ignoring them & end up a complete mess.

[rhar]

Totally understand how you feel. Im the exact same.
I struggling going to get groceries and going anywhere!!

Are you seeing someone for this?

[temperancebrennan]

How do you manage to cope & do things even though it's so difficult?
I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. There's a 10-12 week waiting list for CBT, I'm on the list.
I am waiting on a pack for over the phone counselling in the meantime, but that has a 4 week waiting list.
The Sertraline that I'm on doesn't seem to be helping. Even when I take diazepam I am still feeling my symptoms.
I'm on my way home now. Managed just over an hour at my friends :( couldn't eat what she's made either. I've not eaten all day.

[rhar]

I really struggle. No one knows how hard each day is but I try to make myself. I don't want to live like this. I've accepted it's going to take a long time and that ill have good days and bad days (bad days are VERY bad).

I bought a really good book. I'm in Australia and its Australian but you can buy it over the Internet.

It's called "living with IT" by Bev Nisbett (I think that's the spelling) it's about living with panic attacks, it's in cartoons and has been helping...

[temperancebrennan]

Thank you, I'll have a look into that. I'm going on an amazon book spree tomorrow anyway.

I have been trying to make myself stay places, but I'm not being strong at the moment. It's getting harder.

[moonchild1986]

Hey. I'm going through the same at the moment. Im having to have a lot of time of college due to nasty anxiety symptoms :(

[temperancebrennan]

It's horrible isn't it? Knowing that you have things that you need & want to do, but can't get through the day because of the symptoms?
Do you find yourself worrying that it'll happen & waiting for it to happen? It's like a vicious circle.
Do you have any coping techniques at the moment?

[rhar]

Do you feel lightheaded and faint even when you think you don't feel anxious? I get it sitting down at meals... Its horrible and I swear I'm going to pass out but never do.... Yet...

[temperancebrennan]

I never really FEEL anxious in my mind, it's always my symptoms that happen out of the blue. Like yesterday, I was just at the bus stop waiting for my bus to go to a friends house & it hit me like a wall. I'd not done anything all day, so I hadn't really been thinking about anything. I took a diazepam to see if I could ride it out, but had to come home after 2 hours & take another just to feel a bit more normal.

[rhar]

The symptoms are awful..

I've had bad ones today.. Feeling lightheaded all day like I will collapse. Makes it so hard to enjoy anything!!!

[temperancebrennan]

Sorry to hear that :( have you managed to be in work?
My friend has invited me round tonight, but she lives 20miles away. I get public transport, but I'm worried that if I travel all that way, then need to come home, it's going to be a long journey back.

[rhar]

I didn't have work today but I went to a kids concert with my sister in law and felt lightheaded a lot of the time. I had to run to the bathroom and felt like I was going to pass out. It sucks.

If u can try to go out, you will feel better for it once you have. Can someone drive you home??

[temperancebrennan]

It's good that you managed to stay though, even if you had to run to the bathroom a few times. You didn't let it beat you. It's just bad that we can't enjoy things fully isn't it? :(

I live 20miles from my friends house, so I would feel bad asking her to do 40mile trip just because I'm not strong enough to cope with something that isn't even going to hurt me. Plus, I think they'll be having a few beers. She has said I can lay down in her bed if I need to.
I might just double my valium & see if that makes a difference.

[rhar]

You can do it.. Keep telling yourself that.

Just try to be in the moment. Sometimes I remind myself of that and say "in this moment I'm walking to the bus stop" in this moment I'm waiting for the bus.. Etc etc..

On the bus you could do what I do and look at the ppl and think ok, how many people are wearing blue? Then count. Then another colour.. How many are female, male etc. this can help a bit.

You can do this!!

[temperancebrennan]

Thank you. Those sound like some good techniques. I will give them a try.
I am going to go to my friends today.
If you managed to survive your day, then I'm going to try to survive mine. Thank you x

[dazza]

You can do it.. Keep telling yourself that.

Just try to be in the moment. Sometimes I remind myself of that and say "in this moment I'm walking to the bus stop" in this moment I'm waiting for the bus.. Etc etc..

On the bus you could do what I do and look at the ppl and think ok, how many people are wearing blue? Then count. Then another colour.. How many are female, male etc. this can help a bit.

You can do this!!

Jeez, I literally loughed out loud at this.

Sorry, I know how hideous it is because I've experienced it but, bloody hell... when I read it back from others I can't help but crack up.

Fancy having to remind yourself you're just walking to the bus stop or just waiting for a bus. C'mon... you gotta see the funny side :-D

It's also ridiculous how a person can go from absolutely normal to this, in a matter of hours.
I was absolutely fine one day, then, after I "thought" I was having a heart attack in the evening, the next day I was a nervous wreck and,
my anxiety / panic disorder journey had begun.

ONE DAY... just one fucking day and my whole life turned around.

You need to realise that it aint the bus stop / waiting / walking / being in a certain situation / being at work or what-the-fuck-ever is the problem.
You've done this a million times over.

The problem is a deeply embedded fear or fears that are tickling the armpits of your fight or flight mechanism.
This/these fear/fears has pushed you over the edge.

The thing is, you gotta ask yourself... WHAT THE FUCK has caused this? why am I this way? what are my REAL, DEEP fears?

Are you shy?

Is it people you fear?

There's something... SOMETHING has caused this. That SOMETHING needs putting to bed.

[temperancebrennan]

I understand what you're saying Dazza. It does sound daft. But the honest to gods truth is that I have NO idea what set me off with anxiety. I really don't. This is why I need CBT.
At first I was told it was "aura migraines". They just kind of came out of nowhere. I wasn't going through any stress. I had a job, lived at home, paid minimal board, had my friends, went out at weekends. Normal things.

Then I had my first panic attack just sat at my desk at work. I wasn't on the phone / talking to anyone / dealing with a big case. I believe that I was waiting for the system to work because it had been slow that day. That was when I was diagnosed with anxiety. It was manageable in that I was still okay to go places without thinking. I still got the symptoms sometimes, but they were mild. It seems to have got worse each year. And it frustrates me because I don't know the root cause.

I'm not good with meeting new people, but it doesn't scare me. People tend not to like me at first, so I just keep my distance unless I have a reason to talk to them. I'm always told that I'm "weird". Many of my friends, before they knew me, said they didn't initially want to know me because they thought I was weird. But that didn't bother me. I honestly don't care what people think about my personality or appearance any more. (I overcame BDD so I know what it's like to care about that)

I often go shopping on my own to big cities. I have travelling 300 miles on my own to stay with a friend I met online. I travelled to Bristol on my own for the day & ended up nearly getting stuck there. Things don't really bother me. The SYMPTOMS bother me because they stop me from doing things that I enjoy.

[temperancebrennan]

My only genuine fears are flying, heights, clowns & milk (I know the last one is weird).
But I'm facing my fears this year by doing a skydive. 2 birds, 1 stone.

Although, I'll never be nice to a clown or drink a glass of milk. That's too much.

[dazza]

Well, I don't know you or what's happened in the past, but I don't believe it's nothing.

It may not be ONE obvious thing, but rather an accumulative issue that's bugged you ALL your life.

It could well have been the migraine. Perhaps you thought it was a brain tumour or something similarly sinister?
(I believed a heart attack was imminent - but the symptom didn't ACTUALLY fit that of a heart attack)

But, you know, I don't think it was the actual left arm pain I had which caused the ensuing panic... I think it was something building up, LONG before this.
The arm pain was the final straw or the straw which broke the camel's back, so to speak.

Nah, I think it goes deeper than that.

I'm not your average person. I'm kinda mixed... I can be VERY shy and VERY confident. I'm a bit of a paradox person.

I've always feared getting old / losing my looks - and this coincides with relationships. I've always had an aversion to relationships... I kinda prefer to be single.

I met someone 2 years back and a relationship was forming. This was scaring me, lol... plus my mates were pairing off with partners and I saw the end of an era
coming. End of a "single life" era.

I'm also getting on a bit...

SO, put all these things together and I reckon THIS is what was building up inside me and then... BANG... the arm pain one night... which in turn caused panic / anxiety
disorder.

What I'm saying is that the reasons can be deeper and harder to find than you might think.

When we're young we tend to joke about the horrors of getting old. Wrinkles / baggage / illnesses / etc. but these things eventually become a reality - which can be quite daunting. Not necessarily an actual reality, but a realisation of reality.

You need to take ALL of your life and personality into account in order to find the secrets.

Fuck I'm waffling...

[temperancebrennan]

It seems you've found the reasons behind your anxiety starting up. & you're on the road to recovery.

I have had difficult things happen, I know this has been a factor on my life in the past.
My mum left when I was 13 & moved to Ireland. I was then mum of the house to my younger brother & my dad who was signed off with depression & alcoholism.
I started experiencing BDD at age 11 & was bullied for being ugly for a long time in high school. I've only recently come to accept my looks & let people see me without makeup.
My dad didn't pay his mortgage for 10months & I had to bail him out of £65,000 of debt by buying his house from him & was signed off work with depression because of it.

But I got through those things & they don't weigh on my mind now. It's in the past, so it's not going to happen again.

It's true that all these things may have built up over time, but if they don't bother me, then why would they contribute to how I feel now.

[francesca1126]

I know exactly how you feel if that's makes you feel any better, your not the only one going through it and not the only one that is scared it's gonna be there forever. Nobody can promise that it'll go away 100% but It diffently will get better. I'm not sure what your doing to help yourself but here are a few things that you should do... 1. Educate yourself on the disorder. 2. Join the gym or exercise daily. 3. start eating healthy foods and cut out anything that can cause anxiety. 4. STAY POSITIVE. 5. When you start thinking "what if" turn it into something positive ...even if you don't believe it...fake it till you make it. 6. Surround yourself with good people and people your comfortable with...GO OUT. Be active dont sit around. Those are just a few things I hope it helps a little bit. i suffer from anxiety and panic attacks but its getting better for me because I'm trying to make it better, I'm not letting it take over me or control me I'm going to fight it till its gone, that's how you have to feel, fight it!! don't sit around and let It take over you. Your going to be okay...if I can get better anybody can. You might be interested in reading this book called Panic to Power , it truly is amazing and is helping me alot. I highly recommend it. "Anxiety is not a disease, therefor there is no cure." The mind is very powerful you need to cure yourself, you can do it. Hope I helped in any way :)

[temperancebrennan]

I know exactly how you feel if that's makes you feel any better, your not the only one going through it and not the only one that is scared it's gonna be there forever. Nobody can promise that it'll go away 100% but It diffently will get better. I'm not sure what your doing to help yourself but here are a few things that you should do... 1. Educate yourself on the disorder. 2. Join the gym or exercise daily. 3. start eating healthy foods and cut out anything that can cause anxiety. 4. STAY POSITIVE. 5. When you start thinking "what if" turn it into something positive ...even if you don't believe it...fake it till you make it. 6. Surround yourself with good people and people your comfortable with...GO OUT. Be active dont sit around. Those are just a few things I hope it helps a little bit. i suffer from anxiety and panic attacks but its getting better for me because I'm trying to make it better, I'm not letting it take over me or control me I'm going to fight it till its gone, that's how you have to feel, fight it!! don't sit around and let It take over you. Your going to be okay...if I can get better anybody can. You might be interested in reading this book called Panic to Power , it truly is amazing and is helping me alot. I highly recommend it. "Anxiety is not a disease, therefor there is no cure." The mind is very powerful you need to cure yourself, you can do it. Hope I helped in any way :)

I do try, I really do. Just sometimes it gets on top of me & I feel like I can't cope any longer. I was forcing myself to stay in work & ending up crying at my desk because I felt so awful.

I know I'm not the only one suffering, everyone here is, or they wouldn't be here. I want to help people too. Even if it's only to make them realise that they're not alone.

I want to get better more than anything. I've said before that I've cut out caffeine, started drinking blueberry smoothies & camomile tea, eat wholegrains & peanut butter. I use natural remedies, listen to relaxation tapes on apps or YouTube. I've not had a drink in 3 weeks. I can't seem to feel any benefit at the moment, but I'm not going to give up.

[rhar]

Jeez, I literally loughed out loud at this.

Sorry, I know how hideous it is because I've experienced it but, bloody hell... when I read it back from others I can't help but crack up.

Fancy having to remind yourself you're just walking to the bus stop or just waiting for a bus. C'mon... you gotta see the funny side :-D

It's also ridiculous how a person can go from absolutely normal to this, in a matter of hours.
I was absolutely fine one day, then, after I "thought" I was having a heart attack in the evening, the next day I was a nervous wreck and,
my anxiety / panic disorder journey had begun.

ONE DAY... just one fucking day and my whole life turned around.

You need to realise that it aint the bus stop / waiting / walking / being in a certain situation / being at work or what-the-fuck-ever is the problem.
You've done this a million times over.

The problem is a deeply embedded fear or fears that are tickling the armpits of your fight or flight mechanism.
This/these fear/fears has pushed you over the edge.

The thing is, you gotta ask yourself... WHAT THE FUCK has caused this? why am I this way? what are my REAL, DEEP fears?

Are you shy?

Is it people you fear?

There's something... SOMETHING has caused this. That SOMETHING needs putting to bed.

I haven't been on this forum long bit I've notices you can be such a son on here. Why do you attack people's post's all the time?

It's not what this place is for.

[rhar]

I haven't been on this forum long bit I've notices you can be such a son on here. Why do you attack people's post's all the time?

It's not what this place is for.

*pain on here that should read!!!

[trinidiva]

EXERCISE!!!!!!! I heard you mention you have tried everything else but I didn't see you mention anything about that.
Trust me, I NEVER exercised all through my 20's. My exercise was dancing when I went out to a nightclub. When my anxiety issues hit me, I tried pretty much everything. My doctor kept pressing me to exercise....not so much to lose weight or anything, as I'm quite small, but she said it would help me deal with my anxiety. She was actually telling me from her own personal experience. Well, I decided to join a Tai Chi and a kickboxing cardio class. Best two things I've done in a long time. I feel SO good when I finish class. It's amazing....and I've made some new friends of the people in my class. The Tai Chi really helps to mellow me out, I feel so calm and peaceful once I'm done. The simple exercises that we use for warm up can be done anywhere...and really do help. If you haven't tried light exercise, please give it a go.

[justconfused]

It seems you've found the reasons behind your anxiety starting up. & you're on the road to recovery.

I have had difficult things happen, I know this has been a factor on my life in the past.
My mum left when I was 13 & moved to Ireland. I was then mum of the house to my younger brother & my dad who was signed off with depression & alcoholism.
I started experiencing BDD at age 11 & was bullied for being ugly for a long time in high school. I've only recently come to accept my looks & let people see me without makeup.
My dad didn't pay his mortgage for 10months & I had to bail him out of £65,000 of debt by buying his house from him & was signed off work with depression because of it.

But I got through those things & they don't weigh on my mind now. It's in the past, so it's not going to happen again.

It's true that all these things may have built up over time, but if they don't bother me, then why would they contribute to how I feel now.

I've been reading over this conversation and I'm reminded alot of myself. Except in my case I actually am just 19 and haven't even been faced with paying for a home, my parents haven't been divorced, nothing at all I could think of that did it to me. I just knew when I got my job after high school it hit me like a ton of bricks and I didn't know what to do. I read where you say people say you seemed weird and didn't approach you. That sounds like me. I don't really know how to come across to people, so I seem like I don't want anyone to bother me, because I have no idea what to say, but I'm really not a rude person. I think it is hard wired in certain people to just happen, honestly. After reading what all happened to you it's honestly no wonder you feel the way you do. And please, I hate to see people worry about how they look. You are who you are and no two people are the same. Be proud of it, embrace it, and if someone doesn't like it then they weren't lucky enough to get to know the person you truly are.

[temperancebrennan]

I will try the exercise. I used to go for a walk on my own for an hour every night. Then when I moved in with my now ex boyfriend, I worked out 5 nights a week at home on a stepper machine & doing plyometrics.
I did 4 years of karate in the past & at the same time did dancing 2 nights a week.
I do walk for 45mins on my lunch break every day (when I manage to stay in work).

It's frustrating when you don't know the reason behind it, isn't it justconfused? How do you cope at the moment? Do you have any techniques that you use?
I really don't care what people think about me now. I think it's because I've had the same friends since childhood & they've never left me & don't judge me for anything.