Anj
01-19-2013, 06:49 AM
I've suffered from anxiety all my life but only have been experiencing severe panic attacks within the last three years, after I watched my father die from a brain hemorrhage.
I'll sometimes go a while without anxiety, but if there is one little thing 'off' in life I go into a tailspin. The first huge panic attack I had was when I found out I had to have a tooth pulled. From then on, the source of my anxiety just bounces around. It's always something.
In 2008 I got a degree in art. I love art and it was the only thing I was really interested in at the time so it made sense. But of course, jobs are extremely limited in the field of fine art. I taught some art classes and really loved it, so I thought I could garnish my existing degree with a teaching certificate and a master's degree in education. Well now, I am in the final stages of the program (student teaching/internship) and I'm really questioning whether or not I was cut out to be a teacher (which I haven't done until just now). I've been focusing on ALL the negative aspects, and it has me panicking. I'm so scared I am going to finish the program and get a job and hate it, or not get a job at all. I am desperately afraid that I have worked so hard for this certification and I won't even use it-and remain jobless. I often get the feeling that I could never work a normal full time job, just because of how my brain and anxiety works. I am severely afraid of failure-getting the certification and not using it, or getting a job, hating it, and quitting. I don't want to let myself, or my husband down, who has supported me both emotionally and financially throughout this whole process.
I am currently taking Tegretol, Zoloft, Xanax when needed (which I have been relying heavily on :/) and Ambien which hasn't been doing a thing. I was seeing my therapist once a month but am now seeing her once a week because I need it. It's helpful but I really feel like I could sit and talk to her for hours, rather than 1.
Just looking for a sympathetic ear/encouragement/anyone who has experienced this feeling of dread before entering a new career.
I'll sometimes go a while without anxiety, but if there is one little thing 'off' in life I go into a tailspin. The first huge panic attack I had was when I found out I had to have a tooth pulled. From then on, the source of my anxiety just bounces around. It's always something.
In 2008 I got a degree in art. I love art and it was the only thing I was really interested in at the time so it made sense. But of course, jobs are extremely limited in the field of fine art. I taught some art classes and really loved it, so I thought I could garnish my existing degree with a teaching certificate and a master's degree in education. Well now, I am in the final stages of the program (student teaching/internship) and I'm really questioning whether or not I was cut out to be a teacher (which I haven't done until just now). I've been focusing on ALL the negative aspects, and it has me panicking. I'm so scared I am going to finish the program and get a job and hate it, or not get a job at all. I am desperately afraid that I have worked so hard for this certification and I won't even use it-and remain jobless. I often get the feeling that I could never work a normal full time job, just because of how my brain and anxiety works. I am severely afraid of failure-getting the certification and not using it, or getting a job, hating it, and quitting. I don't want to let myself, or my husband down, who has supported me both emotionally and financially throughout this whole process.
I am currently taking Tegretol, Zoloft, Xanax when needed (which I have been relying heavily on :/) and Ambien which hasn't been doing a thing. I was seeing my therapist once a month but am now seeing her once a week because I need it. It's helpful but I really feel like I could sit and talk to her for hours, rather than 1.
Just looking for a sympathetic ear/encouragement/anyone who has experienced this feeling of dread before entering a new career.