Bit of my story... Promised I would ease you all in!

[manz82]

When I was pregnant with my second son, seven years ago, my husband left me for someone else. I was devastated and at seven months pregnant, faced the end of my pregnancy alone.
A year later we decided to give it another go - then he left me again!
At the time I was teaching special needs so could support my two children by myself, which I was proud of.
This is where it gets worse - I took him back again! And I have always felt like a mug, too soft and too needy where he's concerned. But he's all I've ever known, being with him since I was sixteen. (I'm thirty now).
We had been back together for two months when me and my two sons were involved in a serious car crash. Even writing this makes my heart race a bit! Luckily my sons were ok, but I sustained a back injury and it took months to get back on my feet and I will always have pain.
The funny thing is, I was thinking of ending it with my husband before the crash, but when it happened I started relying on him to help me, which I swore I would never do again.
Anyway, fast forward six months, my two cousins were involved in a serious bike crash and one of them nearly died. He was in intensive care for three weeks and I visited him, even though I despise hospitals. That's when the dizzy spells started, always when I was in the hospital.
At the same time, my sister got admitted to the same hospital as my cousins to be tested for all sorts of illnesses, ending with her having an operation and being quite poorly - my first panic episode happened when visiting her.
Then my dad had a crash on the motorway and all the family rushed to the hospital to be with him. Then BOOM! The panic gripped me and I ran away, from literally everything!
And I've been doing that ever since...
I'll leave it there for now, too much and you will all get bored of me!!! Ha. X

[alankay]

No wonder your anxious with all that as gone and is going on. Alankay

[manz82]

This was all around three and a half years ago and life hasn't been that problematic since, so I get frustrated that I'm still struggling with my anxiety. Looking back, I know why it started, the question is, why is it still plaguing me?
I am scared to drive bur have to for the kids school run, shopping, etc -
The biggest problem with me is I am constantly over thinking every little symptom I experience, especially the heavy head and light headedness. It gets worse when I'm in crowded places or on busy roads. I kinda feel like my existence has shrunk into a little safe bubble (my town) and I'm afraid to burst that bubble and test myself. X

[laurandisorder]

Why is it still plaguing you? As someone who has also been in an horrific car accident (over 12 years ago, fractured both arms and my back), I think it's because 'accidents' like these can never really be forgotten.

Driving is such an essential part of modern life, you can't help but think (even if it is subconscious) 'what if?'

Thanks for sharing your story - having such awful thing occur in quick succession would be traumatic to even the most well rounded, normal individual. Have you been to any kind mod counselling or therapy to help you deal with your anxiety? It can be very helpful.

XXX

[manz82]

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. I was always of the opinion that shit happens and you deal with it, so it came as a huge shock when, all of a sudden I wasn't able to deal with anything!
I tried counselling when I first started having the attacks but the counsellor focused on things like my childhood and my upbringing, which were happy and balanced. I quit after a few sessions because I didn't see how talking about that stuff was helping me.
I know what you mean about driving and thinking 'what if'. I do it all the time...
Wanna hear something ironic?
A few months ago I had plucked up enough courage to let my husband drive me wherever he wanted to. We had a great day and I really enjoyed myself after the first hour or so. Then, on the way home, we were hit from behind by a van. It was only a shunt and we were fine, but I jumped out of the car onto the main road, hyperventilating, heart pounding, dizzy like you wouldn't believe. And in the back of my mind my first thought was 'see, it is dangerous to drive!'
And now I HATE getting in any car with a passion!!

[Cory Jürgen Wochnik]

I can slightly relate. I ''THINK'' my anxiety rooted from when I was 16/17 and was on a quad in the rain and lost control and went face first into a tree at 20-30mph with no helmet and walked away with scratches. It doesn't necessarily haunt me but after that trip I had my first anxiety attack.