Going to fail my degree because of poor attendance

[Rosey Elson]

I'm 1.5 years into my 3 year art degree and I just can't turn up anymore.
The college have done more then enough to try help me to overcome the anxiety and come in to college but I'm just throwing it all back in their faces...

All I do, and it's been getting worse lately, is sleep. I can be awake for just 3 hours a day sometimes. I do have bouts of depression but this has been going on since June. I know its probably because I'm trying to avoid the real world. I really just wish I could pause time.

My tutor is getting in trouble because of my lack of attendance, we have a class of about 8 so it's pretty obvious if I'm not there. I've missed every dead line this year and so I can only get the minimum pass mark no matter how good my work is. I was one of the top students throughout my first year and I guess it must be frustrating for my tutor to see such a decline in me. But I don't feel like i'm learning anything, I'm bored and when I am in college all I can do is sit on google because my anxiety prevents me from doing any work there. It's a overwhelming amount of stress just for a mark in the register.

I don't know what to do. Because of my student loan I'm already in £15,000 debt and by the end of my degree it'll £30,000. My whole family are constantly on at me to go in, do well and I can't even imagine how disappointed they'll all be if I quit. But if I quit what am i going to do? I can't hold down a job, I can't even pick up the phone to be offered a interview. My doctor won't sign me off sick because she doesn't think my problems are real enough. I'm just screwed. I'm 25 and I still can't cope with normal life.

My eating disorders have started to make a comeback aswell, which proves to me that i'm not coping well atm.
I'm on anti depressants and tranqs and after fighting I managed to get short term counselling. I was in the system for 2 years a few years ago so I've already learnt everything i need to know but it just doesn't seem to work anymore.

Sorry i guess this kinda turned into a rant. i'm so lost

[temperancebrennan]

Your doctor doesn't think that your problems are real enough? I would suggest going to see a new doctor in that case!
They may be able to put you onto a new medication or suggest something else for you.

I know how you feel with low attendance & not being able to make yourself go to classes. I struggle with making myself go to work every day. It's very difficult. Do you have a specific close friend that you can talk your worries through with?

[laurandisorder]

Maybe you need to consider doing your degree on line. I went through similar things at university - eating disorder and depression, mostly - and I ended up having to defer my course.

I kept my credits and then took a year off - i had to work in the meantime, but for some reason I could handle that. When I returned,I went back part time and then overloaded my final year to get it all finished.

Now, I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, but I really regretted this decision. I caved into what I I thought I wanted and needed and I ended up paying for it time-wise and financially. I thought that Uni was too hard, but in reality I craved the academic environment and was being absolutely crushed by doing the meaningless slog in retail whilst I had time off.

Think seriously about this because it is YOUR future. You also need to see a doctor - preferably one attached to the college, so you can be up front about what's going on and so they can give you advice on the full range of options. I was actually able to get some of my fail grades reverted to withdraw non fails through the university doctor's advice.

You do need a backup plan. If you choose not to do the study thing, what ARE you going to do?

Good luck with your decision and I really do empathize completely.

[Ahlstrom]

I know how you feel. I failed my 1st semester of community college party due to anxiety, some days my heart was going way too fast and i did not want to be a danger on the road. Most of its gone now and I get a whole new chance starting a new semester in 2 weeks. Best of luck to you

[yasemin]

I went trough the same through my first degree at university.... I did no fail but received a 2:2 because I had severe panic attacks and anxiety in the 3rd and final year of my degree. I remember sitting 3 hour exams and having constant attacks but just did whatever I could. Back then I had really bad agoraphobia as well so I didn't like going out alone or travelling on busses and trains... Was helllll for me .... Maybe have ur medication dose increased?

[Rosey Elson]

Thankyou for your replays. I'm going to up my dose on my meds and hopefully that'll help.

I was speaking to my sister yesterday and she was the same as me, She only managed about a year at college before she started having a breakdown, it took her 2 years to recover from it and now she's doing a 1 day a week, year long course and another online one. She's worried and thinks it would be better to stop my course and once i'm feeling a bit more real, do a online course and to just paint and make things to sell. I've already got a offer to cover a shops walls to sell my paintings. But I also spoke to my mum and she was the opposite, telling me not to give up this chance etc etc.

This course is being axed after my class has finished so I can't go back after taking medical leave or whatever it would be called :(

Well I've missed yet another day of college and now I can't get out of bed, I haven't even looked at a essay thats due in tomro. I think I need to speak to my councillor.
I don't want to let my illness beat me but I don't feel like I can beat it right now.