Rosey Elson
01-14-2013, 06:26 AM
I'm 1.5 years into my 3 year art degree and I just can't turn up anymore.
The college have done more then enough to try help me to overcome the anxiety and come in to college but I'm just throwing it all back in their faces...
All I do, and it's been getting worse lately, is sleep. I can be awake for just 3 hours a day sometimes. I do have bouts of depression but this has been going on since June. I know its probably because I'm trying to avoid the real world. I really just wish I could pause time.
My tutor is getting in trouble because of my lack of attendance, we have a class of about 8 so it's pretty obvious if I'm not there. I've missed every dead line this year and so I can only get the minimum pass mark no matter how good my work is. I was one of the top students throughout my first year and I guess it must be frustrating for my tutor to see such a decline in me. But I don't feel like i'm learning anything, I'm bored and when I am in college all I can do is sit on google because my anxiety prevents me from doing any work there. It's a overwhelming amount of stress just for a mark in the register.
I don't know what to do. Because of my student loan I'm already in £15,000 debt and by the end of my degree it'll £30,000. My whole family are constantly on at me to go in, do well and I can't even imagine how disappointed they'll all be if I quit. But if I quit what am i going to do? I can't hold down a job, I can't even pick up the phone to be offered a interview. My doctor won't sign me off sick because she doesn't think my problems are real enough. I'm just screwed. I'm 25 and I still can't cope with normal life.
My eating disorders have started to make a comeback aswell, which proves to me that i'm not coping well atm.
I'm on anti depressants and tranqs and after fighting I managed to get short term counselling. I was in the system for 2 years a few years ago so I've already learnt everything i need to know but it just doesn't seem to work anymore.
Sorry i guess this kinda turned into a rant. i'm so lost
The college have done more then enough to try help me to overcome the anxiety and come in to college but I'm just throwing it all back in their faces...
All I do, and it's been getting worse lately, is sleep. I can be awake for just 3 hours a day sometimes. I do have bouts of depression but this has been going on since June. I know its probably because I'm trying to avoid the real world. I really just wish I could pause time.
My tutor is getting in trouble because of my lack of attendance, we have a class of about 8 so it's pretty obvious if I'm not there. I've missed every dead line this year and so I can only get the minimum pass mark no matter how good my work is. I was one of the top students throughout my first year and I guess it must be frustrating for my tutor to see such a decline in me. But I don't feel like i'm learning anything, I'm bored and when I am in college all I can do is sit on google because my anxiety prevents me from doing any work there. It's a overwhelming amount of stress just for a mark in the register.
I don't know what to do. Because of my student loan I'm already in £15,000 debt and by the end of my degree it'll £30,000. My whole family are constantly on at me to go in, do well and I can't even imagine how disappointed they'll all be if I quit. But if I quit what am i going to do? I can't hold down a job, I can't even pick up the phone to be offered a interview. My doctor won't sign me off sick because she doesn't think my problems are real enough. I'm just screwed. I'm 25 and I still can't cope with normal life.
My eating disorders have started to make a comeback aswell, which proves to me that i'm not coping well atm.
I'm on anti depressants and tranqs and after fighting I managed to get short term counselling. I was in the system for 2 years a few years ago so I've already learnt everything i need to know but it just doesn't seem to work anymore.
Sorry i guess this kinda turned into a rant. i'm so lost