Hello to all!

[parrymax]

Hello to all,my name is Max and i actually just found this site doin a search for anxiety forums-it was at the top of the list so i decided to go with it.I'm a 43 year old self employed guy who's dealt with the anxiety monster over most of his life.I've always been hi strung even as a child and teen-always nervous.I managed to get thru school and went right into the military for a while as an infantryman,did my stretch and got out and went right into a factory job for the government.I've always been an outdoorsman hunting and competitive tournament bass fisherman and enjoy spending alot of time alone in the outdoors.About the mid 90's i started to develop alot of stress due to money problems,being singlei had all the toys and it put me in major debt and went as far as bankruptcy.Around that time i started having lightheadedness,shakes,nightsweats,pains,and huge panic attacks that involved the emergency room on a few occasions.I saw more doctors then you could imagine,had more tests then i can remember including stress tests,ekgs,halter monitors,etc. and the overall concensus from the family dr to the cardiologists was it was anxiety and there was nothing physically wrong with me except for a slight heart palpitation-i skipped a beat every nowand then.i endedup taking zoloft for 9 months and it did help some although i felt like a detached zombie and nothing seemed to bother me.i quit taking that cold turkey after i found out that it could damage your liver.About 2001 i quit my good paying job as i wasn't happy there anymore and money is worthless if your not happy.I took a much lower paying job working for a friend in an outdoor shop,bought myself a good dog and seemingly had the world licked-no more anxiety and i was happy.5 years into my job i had the oppurtunity to buy the business and did that without a thought as i liked the idea of working for myself. Within a year the stress started building again but i managed to deal with it without to much trouble.These past 3 years with the economy tanked my business has gone down the toilet and i'm holding on by a thread,my faithful companion black lab died 2 years ago-it was like losing my kid,no health insurance as thatsa luxury i cannot afford.Since the end of last winter the old anxiety monster has crept back out of hiding and is making up for lost time.I started with the lightheadedness and anxiety late last winter and managed to stave it off until july when i went for a physical as iwas having headaches,dizziness,and thought my blood pressure was higher then a kite.Turns out my bp was low 90/60,i had fluid in my ear causing dizziness,and my sinus cavities were swollen from allergies causing headaches.I was happy to hear that and felt a little better.As i watched business slipping worse then last year the stress level rose within a month,i was irratible putting it nicely,i pushed alot of my friends out of my life,i stopped doing alot of the things i love to do.The last few months have been terrible,the lightheadedness is back,i get a rapid heartbeat out of nowhere,nightsweats,insomnia,stomach pains,i don't want to go anywhere unless i have toas i feel uneasy and dizzy.No full blown panic attacks thank god.I have good days where i can actually function followed by bad days where i don't want to leave the house as i feel terrible.I've resorted to spending a few nights week at my parents home as its a comfort zone and i feel better being around people.It's starting to get old andi feel like somethings got to give soon.I've always been a strong willed person and toughed it out but the older i get the less fight i got left in me.For me to be posting on an open forum i must be getting desperate(and i mean that with no offense to anyone).Thats my story,i'm hoping to beat this one more time but i'm starting to have my doubts.

[SunnieDebris]

Hey, Max, and welcome! I'm glad that you found us. I'm sorry that you are having such stress right now. What has helped you in the past? I understand that you are without insurance, and I assume then that you are also without medications. Do you have anyone that you can talk to?

[Cara1989]

Hi max welcome you have come to the right place for support :) never give up never let it win this to shall pass :)

[parrymax]

Hey, Max, and welcome! I'm glad that you found us. I'm sorry that you are having such stress right now. What has helped you in the past? I understand that you are without insurance, and I assume then that you are also without medications. Do you have anyone that you can talk to?Hello sunnie and thanks for the welcome. well,in the past after i quit seein the doc when i found out i had no physical problems,i pretty much just toughed it out and tried to ignore it.I remember the cardiologist telling me if i had a panic attack again to remember it wasn't going to kill me and it would pass.It was tough at first to ignore it but eventually they honestly stopped.I'm not having any full blown attacks this time-yet.If i could get past this dizzy feeling and the stress i'd be ok,its been a while since i've had to deal with it and i haven't got a handle on it.sleep has become a luxury for me,i'm averagin 4 hours a nite for thelast 3 months and i look like draculas cousin lol.Thank god i work a relaxed schedule during the winter or i'd be in real trouble.As far as talkin to anyone,not really.God,i don't want this to sound stupid,but most of my friends think i got my stuff wired tite and they usually come to me for help.If i ever told them what was goin on they'd think i cracked a gasket.

[parrymax]

Hi max welcome you have come to the right place for support :) never give up never let it win this to shall pass :)Hello Cara and thanks for the welcome.I'm fightin it with everything i got left but its gettin tough,guess thats why i joined here and hopin to beat it once again.

[Cara1989]

Hello Cara and thanks for the welcome.I'm fightin it with everything i got left but its gettin tough,guess thats why i joined here and hopin to beat it once again.

I know how u feel I want to give up but u just can't

[SunnieDebris]

Hello sunnie and thanks for the welcome. well,in the past after i quit seein the doc when i found out i had no physical problems,i pretty much just toughed it out and tried to ignore it.I remember the cardiologist telling me if i had a panic attack again to remember it wasn't going to kill me and it would pass.It was tough at first to ignore it but eventually they honestly stopped.I'm not having any full blown attacks this time-yet.If i could get past this dizzy feeling and the stress i'd be ok,its been a while since i've had to deal with it and i haven't got a handle on it.sleep has become a luxury for me,i'm averagin 4 hours a nite for thelast 3 months and i look like draculas cousin lol.Thank god i work a relaxed schedule during the winter or i'd be in real trouble.As far as talkin to anyone,not really.God,i don't want this to sound stupid,but most of my friends think i got my stuff wired tite and they usually come to me for help.If i ever told them what was goin on they'd think i cracked a gasket.

It sounds like you're not the kind of person who looks to other people for support and strength. It can be tough to trust, especially at first but I'm sure your friends would want to help you as much as you help them. Sometimes, they just need to be given a chance. However, something I often recommend is journaling. It's like having a confidante without the awkward conversation.