Here goes

[chelski71]

Hi I'm new to this site, I've thought about joining for a while but had a battle regarding the fact that perhaps reading about other people's anxiety may make my anxiety worse?!

Any way I'm here, giving it a go...

According to it I suffer from generalized anxiety, although my thing is fear of dying.

My nan passed away quite unexpectedly April 2010, my brother in law then died in a car crash December 2010, then my dad committed suicide February 2011, I was 32 weeks pregnant at the time.

I'm not over what happened with my dad, but I'm a lot better in the grieving sense.

At first I developed a fear of something happening to my children, if they were out with someone and late back that's it my head would be all over the place if be thinking all sorts of the worse case scenario. If my baby slept for longer than I expected her to, I'd be sure she had died in he sleep, but couldn't bring myself to go and check on her. That subsided without me noticing really if I'm honest and only occasionally do I get those thoughts now.

Now it's all based on the fear of me dying, or not so much the fear of me dying from a personal perspective more so on how it will make my loved ones feel, more so my four beautiful children. It's over taking my life.

I think it's so strange as I have this fear of dying yet my anxiety symptoms make me think I'm dying?! Talk about giving me a break!!

I recently had an operation and that was a massive factor for me, having to be put to sleep etc, the whole thing played havoc with me, then after the surgery I was adamant I was going to get a blood clot.

Now my latest one, I say latest my operation was two weeks ago! Any way the latest one is and I'm sorry about it being too much information but I quit smoking in October, also through the dead that I was dying and since then I've had bowel issues, which lead to piles, which lead to bleeding, so I was examined and the doctor couldn't find anything so now I need to have an endoscopy (I think it's called). I'm addicted to googling symptoms and well now I'm sure I have all those connected to cancer. I'm almost in hysterics, I can't stop crying, my kids and other half think I'm loopy Lou particularly my kids, which then put me in a massive guilt because I shouldn't be crying in front of them.

I have an appointment scheduled for this week with the psychiatric nurse to be assessed, I've mixed feelings about this. I'm desperate for the help but fearful incase they take my children away from me or something, I think this is my irrational thinking coming out to play again, yet still a theory I have.

Sorry for the terribly long post

[Greatminds]

The positive thing here is that you actually recognise your feelings and can on a weird way rationalise them! I think what your missing is a coping mechanism! I also have a mahout fear of death and it can lead me to have panic attacks! I think death is a big problem for anxiety sufferers it's something we can't control it's one of the only things we really have no answers too. I think seeing somebody is a great idea maybe try and swap your mindset around to seeing what skills they can give you to help you deal with these thoughts and emotions.

I find forums such as this more of a relief because I don't feel like I am alone in this journey and that other people experience the same things I do so can relate much better to what I am going trough. Let it help you rather than be scared of it.

xxx

[Sarah_Rose]

Hello,

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I too am new to this forum... I also suffer with generalized anxiety, but my phobia is emetophobia (fear of vomiting). Which wouldn't be so bad, but I'm a nurse. So it makes it difficult to stay away from sick people... I'm also obsessive about germs and washing my hands. And lately there is a stomach virus where I work, so I'm extra nervous lately. And I get an upset stomach when I'm anxious... So it's a vicious cycle.... Kind of like your fear of dying, and feeling like your going to die when your anxious. I also used to feel like I was dying when my anxiety first got really bad and I couldn't be alone... I have improved significantly and don't so much worry about dying but worry about getting sick. I was put on celexa about 3 years ago, but decided to stop taking them (after discussing with my dr) this past spring. I was doing really well until about 3 weeks ago when the stomach flu arrived at work. Now I plan to start taking the celexa again.
Anxiety is terrible, and hard for someone who hasn't had it to understand. My boyfriend thinks I'm nuts.
I also think that my anxiety is stress related. I'm 27yrs old and my life just isn't where I want it to be... So time to get it where I'd like it.
I seen in another one of your posts (that I commented on), that you were prescribed celexa also. Celexa made a huge difference in my life. Turned it completely around. Even though I'm not on it now, my anxiety now is much different from before I was on celexa, it's much better and the attacks aren't as severe as they were before.
I hope that you feel better soon and can overcome your fear!! It's helps to talk to people that understand.

[chelski71]

Apparently my mom experienced the same sort of feelings when she was younger, due to quite a few deaths in a short period of time. I'm not sure she felt them to the same degree though. I talk about how I'm feeling with her, although not to the fullest degree. I can't decide whether I like her attitude or not, basically she tells me to get on with it, that death is apart of life and to stop worrying about things I can't control. Which yes logically those statements are true, and logically I understand that, but in my head I can't cope with it.

I think sometimes people think you can just switch it off with a flick of a switch... If only I could, I don't choose to be like this, I hate it. My fear is dying yet I'm wasting my life stressing over dying, I know I'm doing it yet can't stop? It frustrates me so much.

My worries about taking the medication is that I may become addicted to them, I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this bit at the same time I don't want to spend it popping a pill to make me feel "normal".

I used to see a Councellor regarding the death of my dad, felt I got to an alright place and stopped, although was told the door is always open, she suggested I had to cognitive behavioral therapy and this is before these symptoms came on.

I think in regards to the medication I'd like to try the alternatives first and perhaps use it as a last resort, but we will see how I get on.

Thank you got your replies, it means a lot x