In tears. Need to talk to someone

[temperancebrennan]

I've just received an email from my team leader at work. People in my team have been telling her that I've been doing no work & just sat doing nothing. They don't understand that on a daily basis I have to FORCE myself to go into work & to stay there. My attacks & symptoms are constant & it's very rare that I get a break from them. If they're not going away, then I admit, I do sit & read a bit of my book, but it's only because I cannot face to talk to anyone because my breathing is so shallow or I cannot get my words to come out properly. My hands will be numb so I cannot type & my limbs feel like lead.
No one on my team understands this. Because I've been making myself come into work, they think I'm fine. When the reality is that I'm in constant panic mode.
The email has made me cry because I thought I was hiding my anxiety well. But it turns out that what I think is being brave, they see as laziness.

[raggamuffin]

Have you spoken to your manager about it? I spoke to mine and he was very understanding. it's so hard to focus when you're in pain or anxious. Some people don't see how debilitating anxiety is. But you need to make it known how bad the anxiety is affecting you. But also, show what you're doing to combat it. So long as you explain ind etail what's happening i'm sure he/she will be a lot more understanding.

Ed

[temperancebrennan]

She's not in today. She sent it on new years eve when I was off work. A pretty cowardly thing to do in my opinion. I have had my medication changed, been put forward for CBT & have made diet / life style changes to try to help myself, but so far I'm not feeling any different. I am so tempted to confront my team about it. They don't understand how it affects my life every single day. I've replied to her asking to know who has said these things so I can face them directly. I want them to know exactly how it makes me feel so they can put themselves in my position. It's true that people can't understand until they've suffered it themselves, so it's not fair to judge those going through it.
:'(

[raggamuffin]

People are far too quick to judge. People can be very bitchy in a work place to be honest. Everyone's guilty of not working 24/7 when in an office and when you have anxiety attacks and pains etc then it's very very tough to focus on anything. You just have to do your best and make your manager understand how badly it affects your day to day. Plus with all the positive steps you're taking i'm sure she'll be a lot more understanding.

As for the team. I'm not sure what to suggest, i'm not a fan of friction at all so I wouldn't confront them. Then again i'm sure your manager will address it with whoever filed the complaint anyway so hopefully they'll understand a bit better. The changes will be helped with being able to accept more and more that it's anxiety. It's very tough to do, but it can be done. There'll still be days when you feel rubbish, but if you realyl start to truly believe it's anxiety causing this, it does start to get better.

Ed

[trinidiva]

Tell your manager. I told mine, and he has been a complete Godsend. I was pleasantly surprised.
Do you live in the US? The reason I ask is because after I told my manager, he told me that it would be a good idea to fill out FMLA forms. That's the family medical leave application. You should check and see if you can do that. It allows you to be able to leave work for doctors appointments related to your anxiety condition and also to take sick days as needed without fear of losing your job. They basically cannot fire you due to your medical condition. In my case, I was experiencing extreme dizziness while driving, and couldn't make the commute to work. I now work completely from home.

[star1234]

I agree speak to your manager. I would also supply them with a letter from your doctor. I told mine but luckily it hasn't affected my work.

[dazza]

Yeah - tell your superior(s).

You cannot continue the way you are - it'll eventually break you. Seriously.

I came to a very fortunate agreement with my work in that instead of taking weeks or even months off (like some do), I was allowed to simply leave work IF things got too bad.

Just KNOWING I could do this took a lot of pressure off.

Talk to them... ASAP. They will understand.

[alankay]

If anxiety is effecting you to this point ask about increasing you ssri med(if that's what you take) and ask about a benzo for occassional use like oxazepam, prazepam, clorazepate, librium or valium. I know they hold off a while before rx'ing a benzo in the UK(they do here more the most part) but at some point this is justified. Severe or debilitating anxiety warrants judicious use of a benzo to help the person get on with treament and function at work, etc. They may also try atarax(an old antihistamine with good anti-anxiety effects). Psychotherapy too to try and find a source of the anxiety. PM me any time. Alankay.

[alankay]

Oh and yes, tell your boss you are working through signficant personal, health or family problems right now. However you think best phrased. Alankay

[dazza]

If anxiety is effecting you to this point ask about increasing you ssri med(if that's what you take) and ask about a benzo for occassional use like oxazepam, prazepam, clorazepate, librium or valium. I know they hold off a while before rx'ing a benzo in the UK(they do here more the most part) but at some point this is justified. Severe or debilitating anxiety warrants judicious use of a benzo to help the person get on with treament and function at work, etc. They may also try atarax(an old antihistamine with good anti-anxiety effects). Psychotherapy too to try and find a source of the anxiety. PM me any time. Alankay.

I agree with Benzo's being a great tool for work (and for anxiety in general). I took diazepam as & when needed.

Did make me quite sleepy at work though. On a couple occasions I sneaked off to the toilets for a ~10 minute snooze, LOL

[temperancebrennan]

Thank you for your replies. My team leader was not in today so I spoke to another leader & completely broke down in front of her. She was very understanding & says she will talk to my leader & the people involved. For me to turn into work is a big step, but people who don't know what it's like cannot understand this & see me as vacant & lazy.

I've dealt with anxiety & attacks for over 4 years now. They are completely aware of this & know about every doctors appointment that I've had & all the past meds I was prescribed.
I'm back in work on Friday, so I will have to deal with the consequences of the email that I sent back. I don't think I was very forgiving.

I was changed from Citalopram to Sertraline today so I'm hoping this works for me. If it doesn't, then I may ask my doctor for Diazepam or something to take the edge off. I never wanted to try anything like that, but at this moment in time I'm willing to try anything.

[Saldav]

Thank you for your replies. My team leader was not in today so I spoke to another leader & completely broke down in front of her. She was very understanding & says she will talk to my leader & the people involved. For me to turn into work is a big step, but people who don't know what it's like cannot understand this & see me as vacant & lazy.

I've dealt with anxiety & attacks for over 4 years now. They are completely aware of this & know about every doctors appointment that I've had & all the past meds I was prescribed.
I'm back in work on Friday, so I will have to deal with the consequences of the email that I sent back. I don't think I was very forgiving.

I was changed from Citalopram to Sertraline today so I'm hoping this works for me. If it doesn't, then I may ask my doctor for Diazepam or something to take the edge off. I never wanted to try anything like that, but at this moment in time I'm willing to try anything.

I've been taking sertraline(Zoloft) for over ten years. It does help, but I think after so many years its not working for me anymore, I take the max dose of 200mg and for the past few months I've been noticing that I'm anxious 24/7 and very depressed. I think its time to change my meds. I wish I didn't have to take any drugs ever just to feel "normal" but it is overwhelming and if meds help take them.

[SunnieDebris]

Hey there. I'm sorry that some small-minded people are causing problems for you. People need to mind their own damn business. Perhaps it is they who don't have enough to do. I'm glad that you were able to talk to someone. And yes, I think your team leaders email was pretty chicken-shit, but that may just indicate that she had her head up her ass, not that she was being purposely hurtful. She may have had a directive from her boss to address it ASAP, and she sent an email instead of talking to you about it face-to-face. My boss was a jerk in this respect, too. Are you familiar with the Family Leave Medical Act (FMLA)? It's a federal program that protects your job status while you are being treated for a medical condition. Ask your Personnel about it.

[temperancebrennan]

I'm going to take my first dose tomorrow morning, I've heard that it can disrupt sleep if taken at night. Not sure if this is true? I hope it will work some. The past 4 medications that I've tried did not work for me. (3 were taken at the same time)

Is that available in the UK?

Forcing myself to go to work is difficult & it's made harder now by people judging me. I feel like I have to make more of an effort now to prove to them that I'm not just being lazy. But in another way, I just want to punch someone haha. Don't worry, I won't!