I'm a prisoner in my own anxiety

[Th3TechGirl]

I've had anxiety in the past (2000) and it finally went away but now it is back again and worse than before. I am currently seperated from my husband and live with another man and his two children. (I do have a child with my husband and I get her every other week) Things were going fine until a few months ago when I had an anxiety attack on the way to the next town over with my boyfriend as he was going to see his doctor. It took hours before the anxiety left. The next day it hit again and I was rushed to the hospital. The doctor said it was my potassium that was real low that was causing the anxiety. I increased my potassium but still not really feeling the same. In a few days I was feeling like my old self again. After Thanksgiving, anxiety hits again. In fact it was December 1st when it hit. I was on my way to the next town over as my boyfriend had a breakdown and had his sister and her granddaughter with him. I got the truck with trailer on it and started that way when anxiety started taking over but I kept pushing myself. On the way back it started easing up until the next morning, I was in a full blown attack. I forced myself to the doctor and she put me on some kind of medication (I don't take it as I have a fear of certain medicines) and my lab work came back fine. I started feeling better a week or so ago but now I feel stressed and back into anxiety again. I rather be alone in the bedroom most of the time now. When I wake up my heart is already racing and I get a gag reflex going. At time I do have to take 12.5mg of phenerghan suppository just to calm me down (plus I get nausea too). I have to make my boyfriend and his two kids stay away from me and I will come to them when I am feeling better as I get aggressive and when I get these attacks I want to die as I have no life anymore. I don't work but try to help out as much as I can. I don't know why I am getting these attacks again. Is it being here with my boyfriend and his two kids stressing me out? They make messes and never clean them and I started doing that when I first moved in and though I am having these attacks now they still don't do much to help. I don't know what to do anymore. I haven't ate a good meal in a while since these attacks have hit. At times my heart rate will get up to 123. Blood pressure is fine. It get where it seems like I can't breathe, queasy at times, fatigued and I haven't slept good. I start feeling some better in the afternoons and evenings but hate when I am bothered with in the mornings and stuff. My husband thinks I need to move back and I wonder if I do will that resolve the anxiety and return normal again? Or would it get worse. I feel like a prisoner in my anxiety. I can't even have my daughter around me without an attack and I feel like I am failing her. But I don't want her to see me like this.

Any ideas and remedies on what I could or should try?

[SunnieDebris]

Hey, there Th3TechGirl, and welcome. I hate to state the obvious, but why don't you try the medication. It won't magically cure you, but it can give you room to breathe. When you can make that space for yourself, you can use coping skills you can learn in therapy to bring down your anxiety level. Being separated from your spouse can certainly be cause for great anxiety, but I'm not so sure that just moving back with him is the best answer for you. A good therapist can help you work all that out.

[trinidiva]

I agree with Sunnie, and also to add, do you exercise? It has done wonders for me. You actually feel good after you finished....

[Th3TechGirl]

I use to be quite physically active before all this. I will try to exercise again. Just hate these attacks.