Help me please

[JussicaPark]

So I went to ER last night, the second time in 3 days, I had a massive panick attack. I also started Lexapro10mg and Zyprexa5mg yesterday. I was on these meds a couple of months ago but I stopped because I thought they werent working and I put on weight but stopping them has made my life 10000 times worse and I started them again yesterday. I also ran out of oxazepam15mg yesterday which I usually use to help with panic attacks. Last night I was drinking water and I thought I could feel the water going into places it shouldn't go (travelling around my bloodstream basically) I also thought this all of yesterday and didn't eat, and I still have not eaten because im afraid food is travelling around my body. I felt lightheaed like I was going to faint, I heard lots of popping noises inside my head and felt very weird and like i was not real and i was going to die. I thought i was having a stroke at one point. I went to the hospital and they gave me a big lecture and said "this is not the place you should be coming to" and commented on my frequency of being there, they gave me oxazepam15mg and also gave me one to take home for future need and advised me to keep taking my meds which I have. My mother and stepfather want to send me away to get better and right now I cant say i disagree, I will try anything to stop this physical/emotional/overall pain I experience everyday. I am still not 100% convinced i am physically sound like everyone keeps trying to reassure me. it wasnt constant it just felt like something was wrong with my brain (reinforcing my thoughts that i had had a stroke the night before) I was very anxious but today i woke up and felt okay (i usually feel okay-ish in the mornings) and i had this strange kind of buzzy pain on the right upper side of my head. it wasnt like a headache but i managed to fall back asleep (thank you zyprexa). I woke up and my head felt fine, but i was still burden with the feeling of anxiety wedged in my chest like it is all the time. I took another zyprexa and had a shower. In the shower i noticed a hard lump underboth my arms were my arms meets my torso and I got my boyfriend to check and he said its fine - It feels like a rock hard swollen lymph node. I also noticed a vein in my wrist rolling and moving and this worried me alot. I then felt all areas for lymph nodes and i have two very hard lumps on either side of my groin which i am very very VERY concerned about, my boyfriend felt them and said its fine but he isnt a doctor. i know have a bad dull aching all up my left arm (the same arm that the vein was rolling in ) and an overall sense of impending death. Im considering taking the oxazepam or even half of it7.5mg. but i dont know if the other half will be helpful for combat when i have a fullblown panic attack. i am really worried but i am determined not to go to the hospital. I just want this feeling of impending doom and feeling like im sick and no-one knows too go away. i am a 17 year old female please give me your advise should i take half a oxazepam? full one? none? what should I do. please do not say breathing excersises etc. i am not panicking i am just anxious about these ailments and i want to stop my anxiety now before i do start having an attack, please reply thankyou

[1Goofy1]

Sorry you are going through this. Been there so many times, it is a scary place.
Try to find something to take your mind off of it until it passes, reading, cards, sudoku, crafting......Sound silly but sometimes if I do not give my mind something to do it just goes in it's own direction.
As for feelings in your body and popping sounds and such, people with anxiety are so much more aware of things they feel. We are for some reason tuned into them, almost looking for them because we are convinced something is wrong.
I have been like this for 10 years and still have times that it gets the best of me. Last night was one of them. Laid here thinking I had chest pains and was afraid to move. My mind tells me it is a heart attack and I know for a fact it is not, but I get nervous about health issues and I smoke and I came inside from having a cigarette and convinced myself that I was going to die from it. I guess it is time to quit or give it a good try if I am just going to freak out every time I have one. Sheesh.
As for your meds, Stay on them. I was on lexapro in the beginning and gained a few pounds but got it off and regulated it out. It takes up to 5 weeks to feel the full effects of these types of meds, so stay on it. I am now on Celexa and Klonopin. I take half sometime and if it isn't enough an hour later I take the other half. With me sometimes just taking half works as well as a whole one, I think it is a mental thought of knowing I took it and will feel better in 20 minutes.
Hang in there and try to face it and accept it and the easier it will pass. Just tell yourself, here we go for this ride again for the next 15 minutes. Facing things makes them less and less.
I used to be terrified to ride in the back seat of a car, I would panic like nobodies business. My therapist told me to ride in the back seat every chance I got and just go through the process. I thought he was nuts but did it any way and in a week or two the fear went away and has never come back.
Hope you can take something away from something I said. If nothing else, just know you are not alone and not crazy, it is very common and there are a lot of us here for you.

Chrissy

[dazza]

Sorry you are going through this. Been there so many times, it is a scary place.
Try to find something to take your mind off of it until it passes, reading, cards, sudoku, crafting......Sound silly but sometimes if I do not give my mind something to do it just goes in it's own direction.
As for feelings in your body and popping sounds and such, people with anxiety are so much more aware of things they feel. We are for some reason tuned into them, almost looking for them because we are convinced something is wrong.
I have been like this for 10 years and still have times that it gets the best of me. Last night was one of them. Laid here thinking I had chest pains and was afraid to move. My mind tells me it is a heart attack and I know for a fact it is not, but I get nervous about health issues and I smoke and I came inside from having a cigarette and convinced myself that I was going to die from it. I guess it is time to quit or give it a good try if I am just going to freak out every time I have one. Sheesh.
As for your meds, Stay on them. I was on lexapro in the beginning and gained a few pounds but got it off and regulated it out. It takes up to 5 weeks to feel the full effects of these types of meds, so stay on it. I am now on Celexa and Klonopin. I take half sometime and if it isn't enough an hour later I take the other half. With me sometimes just taking half works as well as a whole one, I think it is a mental thought of knowing I took it and will feel better in 20 minutes.
Hang in there and try to face it and accept it and the easier it will pass. Just tell yourself, here we go for this ride again for the next 15 minutes. Facing things makes them less and less.
I used to be terrified to ride in the back seat of a car, I would panic like nobodies business. My therapist told me to ride in the back seat every chance I got and just go through the process. I thought he was nuts but did it any way and in a week or two the fear went away and has never come back.
Hope you can take something away from something I said. If nothing else, just know you are not alone and not crazy, it is very common and there are a lot of us here for you.

Chrissy

Agree with taking half first - ive done this with diazepam as & when needed. Often half is enough.

Sounds crap though... like me & prob. most of us at our worst points.
Gets so bad that theres nowhere else to run except ER.
I went once & found it very reassuring. Never returned although its been tempting a few times.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS remember that you're actually in fight or flight mode. Your brain is scared out of its witts & is calling fight or flight - hence all these fucked up, outrageous symptoms / sensations & thoughts.

Been there many times. It gets better eventually. :-)

[1Goofy1]

Thanks Dazza,
You are right about the f'ed up thoughts for sure. It is like there is some little a$$hole in there just screwin with me....LOL
This morning a Kolinpin with my coffee is making things better and I do want to quit smoking but on my own terms not this fear I have every time I have one, which is only like 3 times a day.
I am about to head out into the snow and face my smoking fear and have just one more before i quit. Stupid I know, but if I quit out of fear or the flight part of this crap I am afraid it won't stick.
Thank you for responding, you are funny and casual with the way you talk about it and that is always what helps me. Laughter and people who have been there.
Happy New Year!
Chrissy

[JussicaPark]

Sorry you are going through this. Been there so many times, it is a scary place.
Try to find something to take your mind off of it until it passes, reading, cards, sudoku, crafting......Sound silly but sometimes if I do not give my mind something to do it just goes in it's own direction.
As for feelings in your body and popping sounds and such, people with anxiety are so much more aware of things they feel. We are for some reason tuned into them, almost looking for them because we are convinced something is wrong.
I have been like this for 10 years and still have times that it gets the best of me. Last night was one of them. Laid here thinking I had chest pains and was afraid to move. My mind tells me it is a heart attack and I know for a fact it is not, but I get nervous about health issues and I smoke and I came inside from having a cigarette and convinced myself that I was going to die from it. I guess it is time to quit or give it a good try if I am just going to freak out every time I have one. Sheesh.
As for your meds, Stay on them. I was on lexapro in the beginning and gained a few pounds but got it off and regulated it out. It takes up to 5 weeks to feel the full effects of these types of meds, so stay on it. I am now on Celexa and Klonopin. I take half sometime and if it isn't enough an hour later I take the other half. With me sometimes just taking half works as well as a whole one, I think it is a mental thought of knowing I took it and will feel better in 20 minutes.
Hang in there and try to face it and accept it and the easier it will pass. Just tell yourself, here we go for this ride again for the next 15 minutes. Facing things makes them less and less.
I used to be terrified to ride in the back seat of a car, I would panic like nobodies business. My therapist told me to ride in the back seat every chance I got and just go through the process. I thought he was nuts but did it any way and in a week or two the fear went away and has never come back.
Hope you can take something away from something I said. If nothing else, just know you are not alone and not crazy, it is very common and there are a lot of us here for you.

Chrissy

Thank you, distracting myself does work to some degree. Although I can't really reassure myself this'll be over in 15 minutes because its a pretty much constant. Parents are taking me down to be sent away voluntarily to get help. Any reassurance would still be great, I've taken half an oxazepam, feeling slightly better. No pain in the arm anymore but I know have a headache which may be from not eating. Still very anxious would love to hear people's symptoms etc. thank you for your reply I'm so glad I'm not alone

[1Goofy1]

My symptoms and my cousins are much the same as you describe. Much more constant in the beginning but less over the years. I uses to have it all the time just like you and it would be all I could do to go to the grocery store. My cousin lives in the same neighborhood and we used to go together just to get milk sometimes so that if one of us flipped out the other could help. LOL, I don't know what we were thinking, if one of us flipped out the other surely would too.
We learned to compare symptoms and laugh and yes a therapist does help. You have to try to find your trigger. Be careful being sent away though. At least for me, home was my comfort my safe place. I just went to therapy once a week, I did not want my home and family away from me it made it worse for me. Maybe not for you and others but for me it did.

[alankay]

Juss, if docs ruled out anything wrong physically, you should be seeing a psychiatrist at this point. This seems like anxiety that is not fully responding to antidepressants. Since the serax(oxazepam a benzo) seems to help allot this sort of confirms it's anxiety. Eliminate caffeine/stimulants and alcohol, maybe add an OTC antihistamine plus chamomile teas.

What needs to be done it to break this cycle of anxiety and more anxiety(often via a benzo, other meds temporarily, a short course not one dose), to get you calmed down and to try psychotherapy to try and get to the root of your anxiety. They are right to hold off on those meds unless necessary(i.e., extreme or prolonged distress). Talk about your life past, present including family history/relationships, etc. Had this been done by whomever rx'd your meds.?
Often with good psychotherapy, staying on the AD's as they need time to work and a short course of a med like valium/clorazepate/prazepam with a short taper off them, a patient can get calmed down while getting educated on anxiety and begin to understand and address what's causing it. Staying on the AD is very important as is an open and frank relationship with a pdoc that fits you. Some GP's have a good grasp on anxiety treatment but not all that many. PM me any time. Alankay.