I just want to be normal

[JussicaPark]

I suffered my first panic attack after taking meth. I was 110 kms out of my hometown after being on a 3 day bender smoking speed. I thought a shard of crystal meth had melted through my skin and then re-crystalised and was travelling through my veins. I called emergency. They sent an ambulance. my heart rate was over 200bpm. They heavily sedated me. I can't remember anything after getting to the hospital. Ever since than I have never been the same. I suffer panic attacks. I can actually feel surges of adrenalin pumping through me. Mainly it starts because I get health anxiety. I think I am dying at least once a day. I used to check my pulse constantly but I've tried really hard to stop doing that. I drive my bpyfriend crazy by asking him to chek my pulse or listen to my heart. I feel as though I have a whole in my stomach/esophagus and everything Im eating and drinking is getting into my bloodstream. I have though this many times. I get constant muscle twitches, acidic pains in my left hand, trouble breathing. My stomach is shot. I just cant do this anymore. The only thing holding me together is my boyfriend who I would give the world to if I could. I feel constantly ill, like something is very wrong. I feel a heaviness in te left side of my chest, I feel pain and popping noises in my head, my stomach is hell. Ive had blood tests and EKGs pretty much everytime I go to the hospital for panic attacks. It is actually ruining my life I do not go one day without having a panic attack along with the constant feel of anxiety trapped in my chest. I am going to start taking my medication Zyprexa and Lexapro. I was scared to take them before because of side affect but i started taking them and stopped I dont know why but i know i have to put a stop to this. Im not 100 percent convinced its anxiety but everyone around me is. Im scared for my life im scared for my health i just want to know YES this is anxiety and YES people out there feel the same as me. constantly uncomfortable stomach constant muscle spasms, feeling of nausea, not feeling real, i am calling mercy this is ruining my whole life and making me suicidal :'(

[raggamuffin]

Read the sticky at the top of this forum to see the vast array of symptoms anxiety causes. Everything you've described i've read many times over. You're not alone with feeling these pains and symptoms. They're all very common with anxiety. I used to check my pulse constantly too. But anything can raise your heart rate, fear, anxiety, standing up, walking, being tired. Anything and everything.

Arm pains, chest pains, neck pains, headaches are also all very common with anxiety. Feeling like you're constantly in danger means the fight or flight response is almost constantly occuring in your body and you never truly feel safe. Adrenaline is pumped around the chest wall (causing chest pains) and to the limbs which causes arm and leg sensations or pains.

Worrinyg about health and death causes this fight or flight response to continue almost indefinately. The sooner you accept it is anxiety, the quicker the symptoms will pass. When a pain occurs you need to remind yourself "it's just anxiety" tell yourself this again and again and concentrate on something else.

It's hard to remain level headed when a pain comes, often you can think "oh no, what's this, i'm in trouble or i'm going to die". But this is just paranoid melodramatic thinking. You're not going to die from anxiety pains. The more worry and fear you give it, the longer the pain will last, or it could get worse and lead to a panic attack.

It's the fear and worry that enables it to continue. Stomach issues are also very common. I had a stomach ache lasting 2 months solid. When I started to accept it was anxiety it disappeared very quickly.

That's not to say that when you feel fine you might not get a pain. 'Cos I do all the time. It takes time for the body to get used to normality again. Just remember to rationalize the moments when you get a pain. Don't let worry take over. Don't think the "what if's" because it's not cancer or a heart attack or something sinister.

Anxiety plays havoc with your body and trust me the pains are very very real. Sometimes i've been in absolute agony. But you've had the tests, the doctors have ruled out the serious stuff. Now it's time to learn acceptance and from learning this I recommend looking into therapy, probably CBT. But the first and most important step is to learn acceptance. From there things get a lot easier.

I hope you feel better soon. If ever you want to talk let me know i'm on Skype and MSN and can offer what advice I can.

Ed

[anxiousmal]

Hi,

Well it sounds like anxiety to me. I have had most of the symptoms you have described. It also sounds like the meth incident kicked off all the anxiety. To reassure you, you are not alone and if you look into anxiety you will find all the symptoms you have described are it. The problem with anxiety like this is, you always think there is something more than anxiety. If you didnt, you wouldnt have so much anxiety. Kinda a catch 22 position.

Anyway, to reassure you, if you have been to the doctors and they have said it is anxiety, I would expect it to be just that.

As for the way you feel, I can assure you that your not alone and many people on this forum and around the world have gone through the same and are going through the same.

My best advice to you is to try and chill as much as you can and except the feelings. It's hard but when you can do that, you will start to get alot better. Remeber they are only feelings and will not hurt you.

I really do sympathise with what you are going through.