scared

[RachelRae]

Ive been dealing with my anxieties for a very long time now. For awhile i thought i was getting better. I recently got divorced and my anxieties are at an all time high right now. Im scared to leave the house anymore. I pretty much work and sit at home. I dont wanna be alone forever. But i have this fear that my problems will hold me back. Ive been in therepy and that only made things worse. Ive been considering medication. As much as i dont want to do that im afraid i have no other choices. Im lonely all the time and incredibally depressed. I hate my life. Im scared to death of people so i have very few friends. Most of my family doesnt understand how i feel. I dont eat i rarely sleep i feel defeated. Is there any hope in overcoming this and being able to live my life?

[SunnieDebris]

RachelRae,

Welcome! I'm glad you're here. Having a big upheaval in life, such as a divorce, can cause our symptoms to get worse. I'm sorry that you did not find therapy useful. There are far more crappy therapists than good ones. If you're asking for advice on whether or not to try medication, my advice would be to try it. Get with your doctor to discus which one she thinks is best for you. There most definitely is hope! I wish you nothing but the best!

[Saldav]

I felt the same way about taking meds, but I suffered so much with my anxiety/depression. my fear of not feeling "normal" led me to try anything, and my option was meds. I thought of it like this; why should I put myself through more years of torture when maybe this pill will help. So give it a try your not o alone. We are here to give you as much support as we can. Don't give up.

[mw0929]

There is hope for you to live your life. It won't be easy, nor will it happen over night. May I ask what scares you about people. Are you afraid to get close to others because of your anxiety?

[RachelRae]

I moved around alot as a child due to my dad being in the air force. I was an only child shy over weight braces glasses frizzy hair. I had a hard time talking to people cuz i was so afraid everyone was judging me. When i graduated high school i was 350lbs. Im now 190 but i still see that fat ugly girl when i look in the mirror. The few friends i have know im incredibally sweet but its just hard for me to open up. I hate being in crowds of people. Im always scared that if someone is laughing they are doing so at me. I hate change or new things. Deep down i know im a beautiful girl i just cant seem to show it on the outside. I tried medication when i was in school and it helped but i felt dead on the inside. Anytime i go someplace be it work or the store or even to family events i have a panic attack i cant breath i get dizzy. I throw up daily cuz im afaid if i dont i may end up doing it in front of people. I wont eat or drink till i know im going be home for the rest of the day. Which is very difficult considering i work second shift. Anxiety is ruining my life.

[SunnieDebris]

Hey again. I think a lot of us can identify with being social outcasts early in life. I know I can. I always had a cute figure, but I never knew it. In my 30's, my health started to deteriorate, and I'm now about 200# now. The nausea is difficult to deal with. Sometimes ginger or tea can help. I understand about wanting to stay at home, and eating in solitude. I hope that you feel understood. What kinds of medications did you find unhelpful?

[mw0929]

I moved around alot as a child due to my dad being in the air force. I was an only child shy over weight braces glasses frizzy hair. I had a hard time talking to people cuz i was so afraid everyone was judging me. When i graduated high school i was 350lbs. Im now 190 but i still see that fat ugly girl when i look in the mirror. The few friends i have know im incredibally sweet but its just hard for me to open up. I hate being in crowds of people. Im always scared that if someone is laughing they are doing so at me. I hate change or new things. Deep down i know im a beautiful girl i just cant seem to show it on the outside. I tried medication when i was in school and it helped but i felt dead on the inside. Anytime i go someplace be it work or the store or even to family events i have a panic attack i cant breath i get dizzy. I throw up daily cuz im afaid if i dont i may end up doing it in front of people. I wont eat or drink till i know im going be home for the rest of the day. Which is very difficult considering i work second shift. Anxiety is ruining my life.

I understand your hesitance to trust people. I was shy and bullied in school. Those scars do not heal easily and have left their mark in my adult life. I too have problems opening up to others because I have been hurt by a lot of people I trusted. Honey, do you make yourself throw up or does it just happen?

[RachelRae]

Unfortunatly i tend to make myself throw up thats how i lost most of my weight. I felt that if i was thinner maybe id be happier. But now everything seems to be sprialing out of control. My dr had me on paxil and i hatedbhow it made me feel which is why i think im too scared to try anything else.

[RachelRae]

Im ashames to say this but i have to make myself throw up before i can leave the house. Its getting worse now im not eating much anymore cuz when i do i feel like im gonna throw up. Im not sleeping much anymore. Im always tired and dizzy and weak.

[AnxietyInstituteSA]

Your hesitance to try a new medication is understandable, especially considering the negative side effects you felt when on medications in the past. It sounds like you're at a very low-point right now, and your anxiety is quite debilitating at this point. It may be worth considering a new medication for some short term relief until you can find some better long term help.

I know you said you had a bad experience with therapy in the past (which is not uncommon), but I would really recommend you consider you give a new therapist a shot. As a psychotherapist, I know that each therapist is as different as each individual you know (in personality and method). Finding a therapist you connect with may take some time. Many therapists give free consultations, so you may consider making appointments with a few to see if they're a good fit. Also, you should know that I regularly tell my clients that sometimes their situation may seem worse before it seems better. Often, at the beginning of therapy, we may talk about difficult issues that bring up a lot of painful emotions. Through the therapeutic process, we develop goals and a course of action to help the person understand and manage their problems. It make take time for change to happen, but seems to be a good option for long-term change. I would also recommend seeking a therapist that specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders (vs. a general therapist).

I wish you the best in your journey.

[laurandisorder]

Unfortunatly i tend to make myself throw up thats how i lost most of my weight. I felt that if i was thinner maybe id be happier. But now everything seems to be sprialing out of control. My dr had me on paxil and i hatedbhow it made me feel which is why i think im too scared to try anything else.

Hi honey.

You really need to stop throwing up. It messed with your body and the chemistry of your brain really badly and as I'm sure you're noticing, it can form an addiction.

I spent much of my early 20s being bulimic. I'd be sick almost every time I ate, throwing up 3-4 times a day. It became an addiction and it also messed up my body permanently, as well as messing with my brain. I couldn't think properly, I couldn't concentrate. I would spend all of my time and energy thinking about food, weight and my 'routine'.

If you don't want to try medication - Effexor worked very well for me when I had bulimia - you need to see a counsellor or psychologist. It's important that you talk these issues out with someone, rather than flushing all of your feelings down the toilet.

Bulimia can kill you. It has one of the highest mortality rates in young women. Please consider getting some help. It's scary, but if you don't, it's not going to get better by itself!

Good luck.

[RachelRae]

I dont want to throw up anymore. I miss eating food im hungry all the time. I know this is killing me. I used to be a happy person. Im ready to give up. I dont smile anymore. I lay in bed at night and just cry. This isnt who i want to be. I want to get married again someday. Start a family but right now id be a terrible mother. How can i take care of anyone else when i cant take of myself. I just dont know what to do anymore. Im so scared

[vakim78]

Aww Rachael that breaks my heart. Please see someone about this. All of our issues are different but the one thing by do have in common is they aren't meant to be delt with alone. *wraps my arms around u and gives u a big hug*