Relationship anxiety?

[vishnusprings]

It feels like all of a sudden (past month) I can’t stand being around my boyfriend of about 3 years, on and off. It makes me nauseous. I know that I love him, and like him, but there’s something in my brain that keeps telling me that I don’t. And when that happens, it loops over and over again like a record. It’s like a mental itch. I don’t know what to do other than just wait, at this point.

I’m attracted to my boyfriend. I like him. We have good conversations and a very strong connection. He's so understanding and patient. I know that I love him, because I still have days where I look at him and just feel connected and happy. And it’s not just a “meh” feeling around him. I feel pretty actively anxious. I'm anxious about a ton of other things, as well.

I wonder if I'm spending too much time around him, too. Both of us have always had a lot of trouble making friends, and we're with each other every day. I don't have a ton of hobbies due to my severe combination ADHD.

Calling him my boyfriend makes me anxious. Touching him and being in the same bed with him makes me anxious and depressed. Having sex seems fine for whatever reason, but we don’t do it a ton to begin with. I have to go to a Christmas party with him and his family in a little while, and that's making me anxious too.

I told him about all of this, not feeling like I like him, and he wasn't fazed. He says that he doesn't think it's a big deal because he knows I have anxiety problems. He wants me to go get help, but he thinks that it'll pass. But I guess I'm having trouble believing that because the feelings of anxiety and distance are so strong.

Has anyone else felt like this with a boyfriend or girlfriend before? Did it go away? Do you have any strategies for dealing with this sort of anxiety? I don't want to break up with him. I don't feel like it's the right thing to do because I still love him and because he cares about me. I just, all of a sudden, feel so distant and anxious around him, and it's really screwing with my head and ruining my happiness.

So what should I do? Take a break from him for a little while? Occupy myself in other ways? Thanks a lot, guys.

[SunnieDebris]

Hello, and welcome! I think that it's probably a good idea to see a therapist or relationship expert to try to get at the heart of why you are feeling this way. We can give you tips on how to handle the anxiety, but the anxiety is only a symptom of what is going on. Whatever it is that's going on in your relationship. You may want to try journaling your thoughts and feelings. Good luck to you.

[mw0929]

Maybe you should spend some time apart so you can step back and assess what you really want.

[dazza]

It feels like all of a sudden (past month) I can’t stand being around my boyfriend of about 3 years, on and off. It makes me nauseous. I know that I love him, and like him, but there’s something in my brain that keeps telling me that I don’t. And when that happens, it loops over and over again like a record. It’s like a mental itch. I don’t know what to do other than just wait, at this point.

I’m attracted to my boyfriend. I like him. We have good conversations and a very strong connection. He's so understanding and patient. I know that I love him, because I still have days where I look at him and just feel connected and happy. And it’s not just a “meh” feeling around him. I feel pretty actively anxious. I'm anxious about a ton of other things, as well.

I wonder if I'm spending too much time around him, too. Both of us have always had a lot of trouble making friends, and we're with each other every day. I don't have a ton of hobbies due to my severe combination ADHD.

Calling him my boyfriend makes me anxious. Touching him and being in the same bed with him makes me anxious and depressed. Having sex seems fine for whatever reason, but we don’t do it a ton to begin with. I have to go to a Christmas party with him and his family in a little while, and that's making me anxious too.

I told him about all of this, not feeling like I like him, and he wasn't fazed. He says that he doesn't think it's a big deal because he knows I have anxiety problems. He wants me to go get help, but he thinks that it'll pass. But I guess I'm having trouble believing that because the feelings of anxiety and distance are so strong.

Has anyone else felt like this with a boyfriend or girlfriend before? Did it go away? Do you have any strategies for dealing with this sort of anxiety? I don't want to break up with him. I don't feel like it's the right thing to do because I still love him and because he cares about me. I just, all of a sudden, feel so distant and anxious around him, and it's really screwing with my head and ruining my happiness.

So what should I do? Take a break from him for a little while? Occupy myself in other ways? Thanks a lot, guys.

most of the time people "think" theyre in love, but actually... dont have a clue what love actually is. They fumble along thinkin theyre doin the right thing, but its only the right thing because they were told its the right thing & in reality, theyre not really happy.
Theres a stereo typical life we believe we must lead... get married, have kids... live happily ever after... & most people follow this coz they think they should. You know what.. its bullshit. Do it because YOU REALLY WANT TO... not because youre told to.
Be real & true to yourself... dont kid yourself that everythings perfect when it aint.
Just a thought...

[Outdoorlife]

most of the time people "think" theyre in love, but actually... dont have a clue what love actually is. They fumble along thinkin theyre doin the right thing, but its only the right thing because they were told its the right thing & in reality, theyre not really happy.
Theres a stereo typical life we believe we must lead... get married, have kids... live happily ever after... & most people follow this coz they think they should. You know what.. its bullshit. Do it because YOU REALLY WANT TO... not because youre told to.
Be real & true to yourself... dont kid yourself that everythings perfect when it aint.
Just a thought...

I think its possible this what is going on with you. ^ ^ I'm no expert but was married for over 20 years to a woman who had depression and anxiety that finally ruined our marriage. I don't think she ever really loved me. She had been sexually abused as a child and had never dealt with it. We went to many therapists , counselors, shrinks etc for years. I suggest you both get professional help to uncover what is exactly going on before you let much more time go by.
Good luck you both need to take it very seriously and get to the root of the problem. Life is too short to struggle like this. Good luck !

Now that I'm divorced I'm finding myself struggling with anxiety in a new relationship because of what my X wife put me through. I'm hoping as time passes and we get to know each better it will pass if not I will be taking my advice above. One problem I have is over thinking , but I'm working on it.
Anyone else have any thoughts or ideas that helped you work out your relationship anxiety ?

[raggamuffin]

What caused the temporary break ups in the past? Were these problems resolved since then? Have you actively tried to make things better or change what it was that caused friction previously. It doesn't sound like you're at all happy. not therapy or some such may well help and then from there you can see if you feel more positive about the relationship. If you continue to feel this way it's probably best to cut your losses and end it.

People often drag out relationships for far too long than needs be. But I don't think people would have this problem if people didn't rush into things in the first place. like Dazza said, most people aren't in love. It's just lust and rushing into things being completly misguided by fuzzy logic driven by emotions and such.

People are scared to call it quits I think. Scared of change, breaking the routine. no matter how bad some relationships can be, ending a routine takes you out of your comfort zone and can be very stressful. But 2 people need to be happy for a relationship to work.

It sounds like he should be a bit more pro-active in trying to help you instead of just hazarding a guess that it'll all blow over in time. I recommend looking into CBT to help the ADHD, anxiety and depression. Take affirmative action to help yourself and from there you can assess the whole relationship situation and see what's best for you.

Ed