El_Jaydude
12-19-2012, 07:26 PM
Hello, my name is Jayson and I am 25 years old, and I have wanted to join, share my story and hopefully learn from others who suffer from severe anxiety as well.
I believe I have always suffered from anxiety as I used to always be thinking ahead, ex. what I'm going to eat for my next meal, and had really bad social anxiety. It reached new heights though when I started to heavily abuse alcohol, got as bad as averaging 12-pack a night if not more, of course less some nights and more when I was out partying. I will not go into details, but it is something that got progressively worse over the course of a year and a half until I was a full blown alcoholic, barely making it through work shifts, and most of the time drinking during them, only to come home and drink and do it again the next day. I had a traumatic experience with cocaine and thought I was overdosing and ever since that night I could tell something was different. I felt guilty about my drinking, way more so than usual, and was living in fear that the event had caused some sort of permanent damage. I have since overcome this fear, but still suffer from anxiety very badly.
Fast forward a few weeks...I went to work one night and could tell something was really wrong, I felt like I was going to pass out from pure exhaustion and barely made it through the shift. After this I tried to cut back on my drinking, and did but would still get black-out drunk some nights and would often feel this same feeling of confusion and exhaustion working night shifts. I knew I had to quit drinking because I didn't know what was going on with my body and brain as well.
Here is the good news, I had the chance to move back in with my Dad and have now been completely sober for 8 months, only average 5 cigarettes a day, and have since enrolled back in college and am doing well. I still suffer from really bad anxiety and what to me feels like chronic exhaustion. I am prescribed 20mg Lexapro and have been taking it for almost 4 months and can tell a slight difference, but still have constant worrying, worrying about the past and fear of the future. I am also perscribed Xanax as they said what I experience at work is panic attacks and I am stuck in flight or fight mode. I have promised myself I will never take it though because, one I don't know how it will make me feel as I feel so lifeless already, and two don't want to develop another addiction.
Now that you know how I got to where I am I can tell you how I feel. I feel constantly worried, almost like this world has defeated me, almost all the time. I am content with almost nothing and have a very hard time concentrating, sometimes my eyes even more back in forth when trying to read or focus on something. Maybe they do it all the time I don't know, but it is very worrisome. I have a numb tingling feeling in the front of my head a lot of the time, and have burning sensations in the back of my head some of the time, obviously worrying builds when I feel these symptoms. I feel exhausted and achy most of the time, especially in the morning and sleep as late as I can most of the time and stay up late as well. When I get out of bed in the morning I don't stop, I always have to be doing something, I fix breakfast, clean, buy groceries, smoke a cigarette ect. I can't even think about relaxing till after dinner and still find it hard to sit still, often jumping from one thing to the next. I feel better when I exercise, but this is very hard because I put so much pressure on myself and is almost worsens my overall anxiety. I still feel super light-headed and dizzy at work, I work 26 hours a week in the service industry, but not as bad as it use to be. I have very negative thoughts when I drive alone, and dread driving long distances. When I get home from lunch shifts, I often feel like I am going to pass out and don't know what to do with myself, doctor also said this is panic attacks, but I am skeptical because my heart doesn't race and I feel like I'm dying not worried.
These are the main symptoms that I suffer from, I can't think of anymore at the moment. Despite all of these things I still try and live a normal life. I just finished this semester of school and 3.66 GPA taking 12 credits, best I've ever done in school, on top of my school load and plan on finally graduating with a accounting degree in another 3 semesters. I do not feel these symptoms all the time and that gives me hope that all I suffer from is only anxiety, that I can stop them and one day forget about them all together. I look forward to reading and hope that I find that these feelings are normal and can find ways to help cope with them and subdue them as well.
I believe I have always suffered from anxiety as I used to always be thinking ahead, ex. what I'm going to eat for my next meal, and had really bad social anxiety. It reached new heights though when I started to heavily abuse alcohol, got as bad as averaging 12-pack a night if not more, of course less some nights and more when I was out partying. I will not go into details, but it is something that got progressively worse over the course of a year and a half until I was a full blown alcoholic, barely making it through work shifts, and most of the time drinking during them, only to come home and drink and do it again the next day. I had a traumatic experience with cocaine and thought I was overdosing and ever since that night I could tell something was different. I felt guilty about my drinking, way more so than usual, and was living in fear that the event had caused some sort of permanent damage. I have since overcome this fear, but still suffer from anxiety very badly.
Fast forward a few weeks...I went to work one night and could tell something was really wrong, I felt like I was going to pass out from pure exhaustion and barely made it through the shift. After this I tried to cut back on my drinking, and did but would still get black-out drunk some nights and would often feel this same feeling of confusion and exhaustion working night shifts. I knew I had to quit drinking because I didn't know what was going on with my body and brain as well.
Here is the good news, I had the chance to move back in with my Dad and have now been completely sober for 8 months, only average 5 cigarettes a day, and have since enrolled back in college and am doing well. I still suffer from really bad anxiety and what to me feels like chronic exhaustion. I am prescribed 20mg Lexapro and have been taking it for almost 4 months and can tell a slight difference, but still have constant worrying, worrying about the past and fear of the future. I am also perscribed Xanax as they said what I experience at work is panic attacks and I am stuck in flight or fight mode. I have promised myself I will never take it though because, one I don't know how it will make me feel as I feel so lifeless already, and two don't want to develop another addiction.
Now that you know how I got to where I am I can tell you how I feel. I feel constantly worried, almost like this world has defeated me, almost all the time. I am content with almost nothing and have a very hard time concentrating, sometimes my eyes even more back in forth when trying to read or focus on something. Maybe they do it all the time I don't know, but it is very worrisome. I have a numb tingling feeling in the front of my head a lot of the time, and have burning sensations in the back of my head some of the time, obviously worrying builds when I feel these symptoms. I feel exhausted and achy most of the time, especially in the morning and sleep as late as I can most of the time and stay up late as well. When I get out of bed in the morning I don't stop, I always have to be doing something, I fix breakfast, clean, buy groceries, smoke a cigarette ect. I can't even think about relaxing till after dinner and still find it hard to sit still, often jumping from one thing to the next. I feel better when I exercise, but this is very hard because I put so much pressure on myself and is almost worsens my overall anxiety. I still feel super light-headed and dizzy at work, I work 26 hours a week in the service industry, but not as bad as it use to be. I have very negative thoughts when I drive alone, and dread driving long distances. When I get home from lunch shifts, I often feel like I am going to pass out and don't know what to do with myself, doctor also said this is panic attacks, but I am skeptical because my heart doesn't race and I feel like I'm dying not worried.
These are the main symptoms that I suffer from, I can't think of anymore at the moment. Despite all of these things I still try and live a normal life. I just finished this semester of school and 3.66 GPA taking 12 credits, best I've ever done in school, on top of my school load and plan on finally graduating with a accounting degree in another 3 semesters. I do not feel these symptoms all the time and that gives me hope that all I suffer from is only anxiety, that I can stop them and one day forget about them all together. I look forward to reading and hope that I find that these feelings are normal and can find ways to help cope with them and subdue them as well.