my life sucks..I want someone else's

[Dolphingal]

I'm just really in a rut. I have been trying to make a good amount of money for myself over the internet and it's just taking too long. a few days ago I thought I'd up my earnings by referring someone who wanted one of those sites. well little did I know that that is against the rules in many sites even though it is relevant to the topic. I don't know where else to refer people now and that made me so mad I couldn't hardly see straight. now I'm so depressed that I don't feel like doing any more of the sites but when I do I feel guilty because I'm missing out on more earnings that I could have had. I even feel guilty when I'm slacking for a few hours. of course they are legit sites otherwise I wouldn't have referred to them but they're all I have because I don't have a regular job (mom has a job but it's only part time. it's not enough to pay all the bills. I had to use my hard earned 80 dollars from those sites to pay some)

bottom line: they are worth doing for extra money but not enough to replace a living. it's important for me to make money fast. life is short. I don't want to wait anymore to take the vacation I've always wanted. we went to Ocean City because of a friend but I regret it now because I've already been there. I probly could have gone where I wanted if we hadn't spent all that money there. Christmas is only in a few days. this is going to be the worst Christmas ever. there's not enough money to give or receive. I know I know you're probly going to say Christmas isn't about the money/gifts but honestly I haven't been excited about holidays since my grandma died which is a long time ago but idk it just feels so commercial now so money is all I have to go on. you can't go out and do special things. you can't celebrate in the way you wanted. I'm not saying that I don't need my mom or anything and I'm thankful for my Pom Rocky (he's one of the few living beings that make me want to get out of bed)

I know the economy is bad but I can't believe that many people are this poor. even I've never been this poor. if it wasn't for the government, well I don't wanna think about it.
and I know if some animal crazy person would say you shouldn't have your Pom if you had no money but the idea of that just makes me feel 10 times worse...not that I care what people think but idk I want to be able to provide for him myself instead of depending on the govt. also the reason I've been trying to make a good amount of money is if we ever get our bills straight, I wanted to get Rocky a female companion. I know I'm lucky Rocky fell into my lap but a Pom wasn't my first choice. I think he gets lonely sometimes when we watch tv or I'm on the computer. I know he doesn't need one but I'm sure he wants one (he's quite the ladies man. I remember when he was just crazy about that puppy that lived next door) plus I want to have one so when he gets to be a little twit, I can make him jealous. maybe it sounds like I want a ton of animals to some people but I just want one more doggie and I'll be good.

plus even if people are as poor as me, I doubt they've suffered like I have. I'm not saying I've got it as bad as kids in Africa or the families of the kids in Connecticut but I've gone through way more than the average poor person. I have not only been financially screwed, I have been through hell off and on since I was 9 years old. it has made me stronger in a way (that's why I don't really care what people think) but it has also messed me up mentally. the pivotal cause was my father and that made everything else worse. mom applied for getting his retirement but that should have happened long ago. he retired 2 years ago and we're just now getting the money. it won't be til way after Christmas too. don't know how much we'll get either. I doubt it will be enough to pay all the bills let alone a vacation.
I have few things I want but it's like I'm asking for a million dollars. I'm willing to work hard for it and yet it's like it doesn't matter. it's like the universe just wants me to do those sites. I guess that's all I'm good for.

again I'm thankful for finding those sites as at least I actually have money to save but I can't do it forever. it's maddening that people like my ex get to have enough money to do what they want (and namely that it is some of my mom's money that he's doing it with. why she let him borrow it in the first place idk but she did lend it when he wasn't the way he was now and she had a full time job which was about 2 years ago..not a cent of that was given back) but they don't know how to use it because they spend it on stupid things. then they say that they can't pay it back. wonder why? he has also complained that he can't fix his crooked teeth because he doesn't have the money.
it's also maddening because he hasn't gone through the crap I have. the worst that he had happen to him was his ex broke his heart. well I've had that before and more.

I don't think anyone has been more passionate than me on trying to get a job. I say this because many people who try to get a job just take whatever they can get but I'm being selective and have only applied for a job I want.


all this stuff that has happened made me wish even more that I had auditioned for that acting job for kids that I heard on the radio. I'm not saying that famous people have it easy and I certainly wouldn't want to be A-list but it's like that song from Everlast. maybe none of this bad stuff would have happened. I don't know but I often wonder how my life would be different. I'd just want to see it for one day. sure I like a few people I've known in this life but if I had a new life and new friends, I wouldn't miss them. can't miss what you never had. plus I don't get close to people. I have drifted apart from some close friends and I don't talk to my current ones that much. as an Aquarius, I think few people understand me. the only one that I really couldn't imagine my life without in this life is Rocky.

I am lucky that I'm beyond irrationally afraid of death so I've only thought once "if I wasn't afraid" because there have been enough times where I could have easily done it.
music (particularly my fav artists) and Rocky help me but I'm still in a rut
I can't really talk to the people I know about this because as I said I don't feel close to them. I know that makes no sense, why would you sooner talk to strangers than friends? I especially can't discuss this with my man because I don't like the idea of getting upset in front of him. I don't think he'd be able to handle it. he was able to digest the most terrible thing that happened to me (I don't like to say it on the internet because it's a big secret. I almost didn't even tell him. my mom didn't even know for a long time) surprisingly and I talked a little to him about my father but I don't want to overload him.

I'm sorry this is so long...no good at condensing and I doubt anyone here can get through it all or can help me because I'm beyond help and I'm very anti-medicine (particularly mood pills) but I just don't understand why I can't get what I want even though I've worked so hard for it. I've suffered so much in my life that it's crucial to get the things that I really want. I'm not saying that it will erase everything that happened to me (esp the father thing) but getting enough money to do things that I want would make me feel a lot better and not let everything bother me. I see little advantage to being me. there are things I like about myself but barely anything I like about my life. I'm tired of relying on the government and I'm tired of waiting for my big break. it's like God/the universe (whatever you believe or not believe) giving me it would be saying "here's a reward for all the hard work and pain you've had to endure"

[Jemk85]

I completely understand how money alone can make a person feel completely depressed or anxious. I alone probably have close to $50,000 in debt. Though when I talk to friends who have owned and lost their business, they tell me how they literally have a debt of over $2 million and the bank is now coming after their house, cars, and anything else they can take from underneath them while they have a spouse and children to care for. Though it shouldn't make me feel better, but my mere $50,000 doesn't look so bad after knowing people making a million a year can't afford their own home and their car is soon to be repo-ed. What I'm really trying to say, is that though you may feel times are hard, it could be twenty times harder! Imagine being over $2 million in debt, right?! The economy sucks right now, and everyone around you feels exactly what you are feeling, if not worse! If you truly feel that 'I'm too deep' feeling, look into a consolidation program or apply for bankruptcy then either way you entire debt will become zero. I think giving up a stupid credit score number is worth having zero debt!

[Dolphingal]

I think you're missing my point. I've suffered too much in my life to be poor. Not that I'm saying that other people deserve to be poor or that they have no right to be upset about it....I'm not making any sense at all but it's hard to understand me. I just didn't say the details because if I went through it all I'd just make it even longer (and as you can see it is long enough). Anyway it doesn't help knowing why we are so poor. If my father and my ex didn't owe money then we wouldn't be so far off. Because of trying so hard and having to add this to the list of crap that is my life, I honestly believe that whoever/whatever created this world is trying to toy with me or at least that's how it feels to me. Being poor sucks yes but being me and being poor is an absolute nightmare. For a while the crap would make me stronger but I can't take it anymore and I know you mentioned about bankruptcy but I dont think that is the answer. I don't know why I posted this tho because I'm pretty sure I'm beyond help. While in some ways, I like being different from the rest of the world, it makes it hard for anyone to understand what I'm going through. The closest family member I had has been gone for years. Actually technically two because my bunny died a few years ago. Even though its been so long, these are the few times i really miss them. I mean Rocky means alot to me but hes more like my child than someone I can confide in. This is long anyway and I didn't even say all that has happened..dunno how I did that.

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

this may seem completely off-base, but have you considered joining the military? they do not pay extremely well, but enough to keep you out of poverty and they offer excellent health benefits and they pay for college if you have served honorably. However, you will have to deal with a high-stress job that is dangerous...i'm not sure if you are up for that, but it's a good option to consider for somebody in your financial situation.

[Dolphingal]

this may seem completely off-base, but have you considered joining the military? they do not pay extremely well, but enough to keep you out of poverty and they offer excellent health benefits and they pay for college if you have served honorably. However, you will have to deal with a high-stress job that is dangerous...i'm not sure if you are up for that, but it's a good option to consider for somebody in your financial situation.
yeah like I said I have an enormous irrational fear of death. probly a blessing (as well as a curse) since it keeps me from even considering offing myself when I feel so depressed.
they say that if you work hard and are passionate about it, you can accomplish anything but whoever says that has never met me. I tried for over a year to get something and didn't get anywhere. I got one interview and I believe I messed it up. people in the past have tried to tell me my problem is I'm not positive but for one thing it's not like I go to the hiring people and say you're not going to give me the job are you and when it does look good to me, it still doesn't work out. often whenever I get my hopes up about something (not just job related but various things), they just end up getting shot to pieces. so I wish someone would just give me an opportunity of something I'd be able to handle and hopefully isn't out of the city because I really don't think I know how to try anymore. all the times I have tried to get jobs I like or wouldn't mind having has completely exhausted me to the point I don't even have a sliver of hope left. it is also said that everything happens for a reason which I normally understand but this time I don't see any good reason for this.

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

yeah like I said I have an enormous irrational fear of death. probly a blessing (as well as a curse) since it keeps me from even considering offing myself when I feel so depressed.
they say that if you work hard and are passionate about it, you can accomplish anything but whoever says that has never met me. I tried for over a year to get something and didn't get anywhere. I got one interview and I believe I messed it up. people in the past have tried to tell me my problem is I'm not positive but for one thing it's not like I go to the hiring people and say you're not going to give me the job are you and when it does look good to me, it still doesn't work out. often whenever I get my hopes up about something (not just job related but various things), they just end up getting shot to pieces. so I wish someone would just give me an opportunity of something I'd be able to handle and hopefully isn't out of the city because I really don't think I know how to try anymore. all the times I have tried to get jobs I like or wouldn't mind having has completely exhausted me to the point I don't even have a sliver of hope left. it is also said that everything happens for a reason which I normally understand but this time I don't see any good reason for this.

I'm not sure if this is any comfort to you, but i am going through a similar situation (albeit, I am not in a bad financial state) because I have been unemployed for 1.5 years now. Their are two things that stop me from losing hope. One is a quote from someone I can't remember that goes something like this - "no-one knows what it's like to win if they've never lost." At the moment, you're in a losing situation, but that doesn't mean you've lost completely. Their is still time to turn it around, but you need to change things up a bit. If you've been trying to get a job for one year, maybe change up your job searching methods and see if that makes a difference. Also, you should try volunteering if you are very bored during the day. I've been doing that lately, and it's a good way to make use of your time, plus you may end up making some good connections that can help you out in the job hunt.

I hope this is helpful to you. hang in there!

[Dolphingal]

I'm not sure if this is any comfort to you, but i am going through a similar situation (albeit, I am not in a bad financial state) because I have been unemployed for 1.5 years now. Their are two things that stop me from losing hope. One is a quote from someone I can't remember that goes something like this - "no-one knows what it's like to win if they've never lost." At the moment, you're in a losing situation, but that doesn't mean you've lost completely. Their is still time to turn it around, but you need to change things up a bit. If you've been trying to get a job for one year, maybe change up your job searching methods and see if that makes a difference. Also, you should try volunteering if you are very bored during the day. I've been doing that lately, and it's a good way to make use of your time, plus you may end up making some good connections that can help you out in the job hunt.

I hope this is helpful to you. hang in there!

I've heard a quote like that before. it was something about failure
and I sorta agree because if nothing bad ever happened how would you appreciate it?
I know you said you are unemployed too which I get but the problem is my life has been a rollercoaster since I was at least 10 years old. I know life is a rollercoaster anyway especially for women but I know mine is not the norm. I always thought of myself as a rock. in fact I am very hard headed so sometimes when I've thought about giving up on something, I kept fighting but the scissors have finally knocked this rock down.


I don't know how to change my job searching methods.

I know someone told me to volunteer but I honestly feel like it's a waste of my time. I don't want to ditch these sites that I'm doing to do something that won't pay me anything.
if volunteering even got me anywhere, I'd probly have to do it for a long time
and I'm often thinking about how life is far too short. I'm getting older too (my mom doesn't like when I say that but yeah)

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

I've heard a quote like that before. it was something about failure
and I sorta agree because if nothing bad ever happened how would you appreciate it?
I know you said you are unemployed too which I get but the problem is my life has been a rollercoaster since I was at least 10 years old. I know life is a rollercoaster anyway especially for women but I know mine is not the norm. I always thought of myself as a rock. in fact I am very hard headed so sometimes when I've thought about giving up on something, I kept fighting but the scissors have finally knocked this rock down.


I don't know how to change my job searching methods.

I know someone told me to volunteer but I honestly feel like it's a waste of my time. I don't want to ditch these sites that I'm doing to do something that won't pay me anything.
if volunteering even got me anywhere, I'd probly have to do it for a long time
and I'm often thinking about how life is far too short. I'm getting older too (my mom doesn't like when I say that but yeah)

hey, sorry for the delayed reply (i've been away this winter break.) perhaps you should make an appointment with a careers counselor? they can help out people in your situation. Search only for local ones in your area and make an appointment.

and why is volunteering a waste of time? it has many advantages. first of all, it helps with depression/anxiety. studies have shown this to be true. secondly, it allows you to put sometime on your resume and show that you are a hard worker. third, it allows you to get out in the world and meet people. I think it's a really good idea and you should at least give it a try to see if you like it.

"my life is not the norm" - don't let this mentality stop you from achieving a good life. Yes, you've had difficulties but you can change your future. are you seeing a therapist or taking medication? these things can help you look at life in a better mood, which will then help you out in your job search.

good luck :) and keep us informed on what's going on with you.

[Dolphingal]

hey, sorry for the delayed reply (i've been away this winter break.) perhaps you should make an appointment with a careers counselor? they can help out people in your situation. Search only for local ones in your area and make an appointment.

and why is volunteering a waste of time? it has many advantages. first of all, it helps with depression/anxiety. studies have shown this to be true. secondly, it allows you to put sometime on your resume and show that you are a hard worker. third, it allows you to get out in the world and meet people. I think it's a really good idea and you should at least give it a try to see if you like it.

"my life is not the norm" - don't let this mentality stop you from achieving a good life. Yes, you've had difficulties but you can change your future. are you seeing a therapist or taking medication? these things can help you look at life in a better mood, which will then help you out in your job search.

good luck :) and keep us informed on what's going on with you.

I want to make some money instead of working for no pay. If I volunteer, I won't be able to make anything because I imagine volunteering is long. by the time I'd get home, there'd be no time to get on the sites (surveys esp can take me hours sometimes)
I guess you're right about the resume but I've been looking some more and I found small work through Amazon. I have to wait 48 hours before they approve me but I wonder if I get accepted could I put that on my resume? only thing is if I put that on my resume then what if the government finds out and makes our bills harder to pay? they're already high as it is. resumes seem complicated too. plus at this point, I think it won't matter what I put on my resume, they're not going to hire me anyway.
most importantly as I've said before I'm somewhat reserved/awkward in real life so I'm not really the "meeting people" type. I know I have to if I get a job so I will wing it then.

I have to go to this job thing though for a few days so I guess that takes care of the career counselor part.

I am against medication and avoid it when I can because I don't believe it. I take it when I have to for pain but in my case, mood pills are a bad idea. A psychiatrist even put me on Zoloft once and I didn't like it at all. I don't remember what happened, just that it was an awful feeling. I can't even drink caffeinated soda anymore because I don't like what the withdrawal does to me.
I don't know how I feel about therapy but I doubt going to see a therapist would land me a job.

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

I want to make some money instead of working for no pay. If I volunteer, I won't be able to make anything because I imagine volunteering is long. by the time I'd get home, there'd be no time to get on the sites (surveys esp can take me hours sometimes)
I guess you're right about the resume but I've been looking some more and I found small work through Amazon. I have to wait 48 hours before they approve me but I wonder if I get accepted could I put that on my resume? only thing is if I put that on my resume then what if the government finds out and makes our bills harder to pay? they're already high as it is. resumes seem complicated too. plus at this point, I think it won't matter what I put on my resume, they're not going to hire me anyway.
most importantly as I've said before I'm somewhat reserved/awkward in real life so I'm not really the "meeting people" type. I know I have to if I get a job so I will wing it then.

I have to go to this job thing though for a few days so I guess that takes care of the career counselor part.

I am against medication and avoid it when I can because I don't believe it. I take it when I have to for pain but in my case, mood pills are a bad idea. A psychiatrist even put me on Zoloft once and I didn't like it at all. I don't remember what happened, just that it was an awful feeling. I can't even drink caffeinated soda anymore because I don't like what the withdrawal does to me.
I don't know how I feel about therapy but I doubt going to see a therapist would land me a job.

The therapist will not help you directly get a job, but they could help you see life in a more positive light, which will improve your mood and then this will help you on the job search. It is all related.

anyhow, how did your thing with Amazon work out?

[Dolphingal]

The therapist will not help you directly get a job, but they could help you see life in a more positive light, which will improve your mood and then this will help you on the job search. It is all related.

anyhow, how did your thing with Amazon work out?

I see life in a positive light just not mine :lol:

it didn't. I looked but it was pretty much the same as what I already do, with less work. what a waste.