guy_lafleur23
05-05-2007, 08:04 PM
I've been suffering from anxiety due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for the past 4-5 months. The cause of my PTSD was because my Father passed away from a massive heart attack December 27th/06. That night he was complaining of a bit of chest pain like heart burn. So he decided to go watch t.v. in his room, but he was tossing and turning for about 1 and a half hours. Finally around 10:30 pm he decided to come downstairs to get me and my girlfriend to bring him to the hospital, he was very pale. My mom helped him with his jacket and i asked if he wanted help with his shoes, but he slowly said "No i'm okay", i then ran outside ahead of everyone to start the truck, as i waited in the driver seat, my mom and g/f were on each side of my dad holding his elbows helping him walk to the passenger side. As he made his way into the beam of the headlights, I saw his face press into his neck and his eyes dropped a bit, then he collapsed onto my mom and g/f, then laid in the snow. I quickly ran out and started CPR. He was gurgling and i couldn't find a heart beat. His breath was about 2 every minute. I kept giving him CPR my g/f phone 911 and my mom was yelling "dont leave me, oh lord, don't take him" his eyes were half massed and i was trying to get him to breathe, coaching him that he's doing great, when i knew he wasn't, he wouldn't take my breath, he couldn't for some reason, i don't know if he could hear me but i said "I love you dad" The medics arrived they shocked him once put him in the ambulance and gave him cpr for about 5 mins there in the backyard. I stared at him through the 2 back windows. Needless to say he died that night in the drive way infront of me. 4 days later i was back at work, but that didn't last long because i suffered my first panic attack, i thought i was having a heart attack and i was going to die. I was brought into the emergency, but they just told me it was anxiety. Since then, i've gone to the emergency 2 more times because i thought i was dying. Anxiety has taken me prisoner for the past 4 months and has prevented me of grieving for my father. I didn't cry over my dads death until a month after he passed away. Anxiety still controls my nights not my days, but just when i try and sleep, i try to calm myself down but sometimes it just gets way to out of control. It makes my heart skip beats and gives me chest pains. i'm only 23 so it's not like my arteries are clogged. But still, the mind is powerful and it makes you believe whatever it wants. It's hard to joke and laugh like i use to especially at work. I haven't been as close as i use to with my girlfriend. I get angry easily. My therapist says these are all normal things. But i hate hearing that, it doens't feel normal to me. Anyhow i'll sum up this novel by saying if anybody is dealing with any type of anxiety, just let me know what your going through, i'd love to help others get through this and just hear about your experience, just to let me know i'm not alone. For your info I'm on Lorezapam (Muscle Relaxant) and Afexer (anti-anxiety/depression) thank you if you read this far.