I'm scared to be around my mum

[Lifeishell]

This year my life has been like an unending nightmare. I've suffered so much from OCD, anxiety and depression. I had terrible intrusive thoughts about mum which has now mostly gone, although I'm constantly thinking about them and trying to work out why I had them. I live alone with my mum and hate being around her now. Me and her are really close. My thoughts ranged from "what if I killed her" to "I wish she was dead", neither of which was true and had me in crying panic attacks for hours. When it is just the two of us alone in the house, I constantly think what if I snap and kill her so I have to watch everything I do and assure myself I won't. It's like I've stopped trusting myself. I want to enjoy her company again instead of dreading us being alone. The worst is if we watch a movie together and she is sat across from me. Since we're the only two people in the house, I can't stop thinking "what if I get up and do something. What's stopping me" which makes me panic. I'm sick of feeling like I don't belong in my own home. I've actually started spending all my time on my own and prefer it so I'm not always worrying what if I do this and what if I do that. How can I get over this?

[SunnieDebris]

Welcome! i understand that these thoughts are scary to you. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I saw a tv program of a woman who was plagued by thoughts of, what if I kill someone, what's stopping me? The therapist was great and helped her through it. My suggestion is to visit a therapist and tell them what's going on. I think it's important for you to have a trained professional helping you through this. We can be your cheerleaders, but we cannot replace a good shrink. Do you think that you can get up the nerve to see one, and possibly trust them to guide you through this?

[trinidiva]

^^^ Very good advice...I think it would be helpful to speak with a therapist. They should be able to help you.