Is anxiety ruining my relationship?

[beachymg]

I've been with this guy for more than a year now and of course at first it was all great and beautiful. I moved in with him and my son from a previous marriage moved in too, but we only have him half of the week. There's days when we're happy and great and days when we feel like we're over. But even in those days that we're happy in the back of my head I'm already thinking of the moment when we're not. Like waiting for the time we'll argue... I can't just enjoy the happiness!! I'm also usually just looking for something to be sad or angry about. WHY?!?!?? I HAVE NO IDEA. I AM MY WORST ENEMY. I want to be a happy person! If I'm happy, my boyfriend's happy. But it's so hard for me. I don't want to loose him. I want him to be the last man I'll ever be with. I feel like he'll get fed up with me one day and just give up. :(

[Zuena]

HI Beachy,

Have you had many experiences in your life of being abandoned or left behind? Or of parents or people making promises and not coming through for you? Have a look back over your life and see if you can spot this kind of pattern because this would make you believe that nothing lasts and that even when you are happy, things will eventually end and you will be left again.

Try to learn to live in the moment. There is no point in looking forward to another year or two from now when your relationship will probably still be fine, but you are worried that it might be over by then. I don't know your history but to be honest, this sounds more like fear of being abandoned to me than anxiety.

Good luck!

Zuena

[beachymg]

well i am divorced. my previous marriage was a plethora of lies. as far as being abandoned by parents? never. they were always there for me. you're right, there is no point in thinking we're not going to be together, but that's because i worry about everything! I mean EVERYTHING. It's just my boyfriend "abandoning" me. Thanks for the post :)

[SunnieDebris]

I think that your feelings are very understandable, considering your history. Is there anyone you can call or talk to when those feelings come up? Someone who can help "talk you down" when you're feeling that way? Perhaps you could even start a journal of your thoughts and feelings, so that you can get them out on paper, and then talk yourself down. Don't judge yourself too harshly. Do little things to reward yourself when you reach a goal. You can be your best cheerleader. You're worth it!