:'(

[mellymel]

I went to the doc last week and he sent meds in the mail. I just got them today, one is risperidone and is mainly used for treatment of psychotic disorders (psychosis and schizophrenia). Now I can't stop crying and so upset that my life has come to this. I feel so crazy. If there is nothing wrong with me but anxiety why would he prescribe me this medication. And even worse why the hell do I have constant non stop thoughts of killing ppl I love ? I am a mess and don't want to dump it on my husband so I am here writing.

[funkstarsista]

Hi Melly, he prescribes based on the symptoms you have described to him, as you've told him you are having disturbing, repetitive thoughts he's given you this medication. Racing, scary thoughts are part of anxiety, but it sounds like yours are very intense. There are probably other ppl out there who use this medication. I had a client at work who was agoraphobic and v paranoid and he was on an anti-psychotic and I might add he was doing well.
Give the new medication a go. Your symptoms clearly distress you very much, being given this kind of medication is also distressing. Weigh up what is worse? Living with those horrible thoughts or taking the meds? You don't need to tell anyone the meds you are on if you feel embarrassed, it's personal, all that matters is you get better and can function again :)
These are my opinions and I'm not doctor.
All the best
x

[mellymel]

I am terrified to take these medications...I never even wanted them but that's the first and only option the veterans hospital gives.

[JayB4231981]

Are the meds making you cry? Since I got on a few new ones recently I feel more depressed and angry to an extent.

[alankay]

Mel, sometimes they use low dose anti-psychotics for anxiety. The doses are lower then for actual psychoses. Think of this just as valium is used usually at higher doses for epilepsy but then lower doses for anxiety. 2 different medical conditions that use the same med but at different doses. Think about it. Meds can be used "off label" too. Inderal(a blood pressure med) can be used for high BP at higher doses and at lower dose Performance Anxiety(I use this too). It can also be used for cluster headaches and heart arrhythmia's...at different doses for each different condition. Think about it! SSRI's can be used for premature ejaculation, etc, etc. this list could go on forever!!!
He also may be trying to avoid dependence, which as a benzo user myself, I understand.
I bet the dose is 1/2 the starting dose as for schizophrenia, .5mg? If so try it(even at just 1/2 the dose he rx'ed) as it will help reduce some of the scary thoughts that are worsening your anxiety. If it doesn't help, drop it or come out and ask about a benzo. PM me any time. Alankay

[mellymel]

Thank you all.

[dazza]

None of us can believe our life has come to this.

Only a year ago I was the most laid back person on earth. Yes, I've been a worrier pretty much all my life but this is a frickin' joke, lol

Stresses and strains of life take their toll and that's why we're here.

It's just a phase... an unstable or transitional part of life which, although it doesn't seem like it now, won't last... just as grief doesn't last. The trauma & aftershock is similar.

As for that drug, I wouldn't take it just yet... instead, I would personally opt for the more common anxiety drugs such as benzos, but ONLY when things get really tough, as opposed to a daily routine.

[Dogtime]

You say you can't stop crying. Have you had a major upset in the past few months, or even the last year? If so you could you still be crying over that event.

[mellymel]

Dazza, I'm not taking those meds. It's not what I want to do, at least not now. I guess I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday with my "why has my life come to this" statement. It's not that bad, I just get these days, as sure everyone does, that feel like I will never move past this.

[mellymel]

Dogtime: yes I have been through a very scary event in June with my daughter. I think that's actually why I started having these thoughts of hurting her...I never had them prior to the event that happened a few months back. The thoughts and feeling of losing my mind started in September and have been non stop since then.