bubbles10
12-08-2012, 04:47 PM
Hi everyone, I just discovered this forum while looking for anxiety apps. I have suffered anxiety for the past three years. A little history: three years ago my marriage fell apart, and ten days later I gave birth to our third child. The week after he was born was very stressful. I'd had a c-section and it wasn't healing, in fact it was pouring blood. I saw two gp's and even went to the emergency room twice and nobody wanted anything to do with it. In the end I demanded to see the surgeon who had performed the operation, without a referral. He took one look at it and sent me straight to emergency to have an ultrasound, and it was discovered that veins hadn't closed properly and I had to have another surgery to fix it. Three weeks later I was in hospital having two skin cancers removed...the one on my face was huge, for years doctors had been brushing it off as dermatitis, so it had a long time to grow. It needed a full thickness skin graft and following the surgery I had a big ball (bigger than a golf ball) of bandage stitched onto my face, and it was soaked in iodine. People couldn't look at me, the iodine had them believing it was some kind of horrible bloody growth. After the bandage was removed I had a deep crater in my face that took months to heal. I had to have physio to help reduce the scar to heal as flat as possible. To this day I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.
During this time of dealing with my separation, finding myself a single mum of a five year-old, three year-old, and a newborn, recovering from the trauma of th birth and skin cancers, my ex husband kept implying that he wanted to fix things...I had that little shred of hope that things would get better. But I soon discovered he was just stringing me along. One weekend he said he missed me and asked for a hug...but as it turns out, it was a goodbye hug, he just didn't have the courage to tell me. The very next weekend the new love of his life...his best friends girlfriend...moved in with him, and within two months she was pregnant.
Soon after I found out about the pregnancy, I was in hospital having a third skin cancer removed, again from my face, requiring a skin flip graft, leaving a scar about an inch long and half an inch thick...not as bad as the first one, but that side of my face is well and truly messed up now.
I had well and truly hit rock bottom by this stage. I was scared that my ex would try to get custody of the kids, or would run away with them as he'd threatened to do if I ever left him. I was scared about my health, of dying before I'd had a chance to raise the kids. I went to the doctors one day thinking I was having a heart attack. They monitored my heart and called an ambulance. As soon as I got to the hospital the pains stopped, I felt safe. The entire episode had been a panic attack triggered by a twinge in a chest muscle while walking the kids to school. I have also suffered dizzy spells, a stomach upset that lasted for six weeks and has left me with a fear of long car trips, or not being near a restroom.
I am happy to say that I have well and truly healed from the broken marriage, and he has been good about the kids, seeing them fortnightly, but otherwise leaving me to raise them as I see fit. My health though is a constant worry. Right now I'm waiting for an appointment with the skin specialist because I have a new growth which I believe, from past experience, is another cancer, though I think this one is a more aggressive type as it has grown a lot faster.. This time on my leg...a place that never sees sunlight. My uncle died at about my age from skin cancer and I have been the unlucky one to inherit his skin type. I want to feel in control, but I live in fear.
During this time of dealing with my separation, finding myself a single mum of a five year-old, three year-old, and a newborn, recovering from the trauma of th birth and skin cancers, my ex husband kept implying that he wanted to fix things...I had that little shred of hope that things would get better. But I soon discovered he was just stringing me along. One weekend he said he missed me and asked for a hug...but as it turns out, it was a goodbye hug, he just didn't have the courage to tell me. The very next weekend the new love of his life...his best friends girlfriend...moved in with him, and within two months she was pregnant.
Soon after I found out about the pregnancy, I was in hospital having a third skin cancer removed, again from my face, requiring a skin flip graft, leaving a scar about an inch long and half an inch thick...not as bad as the first one, but that side of my face is well and truly messed up now.
I had well and truly hit rock bottom by this stage. I was scared that my ex would try to get custody of the kids, or would run away with them as he'd threatened to do if I ever left him. I was scared about my health, of dying before I'd had a chance to raise the kids. I went to the doctors one day thinking I was having a heart attack. They monitored my heart and called an ambulance. As soon as I got to the hospital the pains stopped, I felt safe. The entire episode had been a panic attack triggered by a twinge in a chest muscle while walking the kids to school. I have also suffered dizzy spells, a stomach upset that lasted for six weeks and has left me with a fear of long car trips, or not being near a restroom.
I am happy to say that I have well and truly healed from the broken marriage, and he has been good about the kids, seeing them fortnightly, but otherwise leaving me to raise them as I see fit. My health though is a constant worry. Right now I'm waiting for an appointment with the skin specialist because I have a new growth which I believe, from past experience, is another cancer, though I think this one is a more aggressive type as it has grown a lot faster.. This time on my leg...a place that never sees sunlight. My uncle died at about my age from skin cancer and I have been the unlucky one to inherit his skin type. I want to feel in control, but I live in fear.