Barry B
12-07-2012, 06:24 PM
The story so far,
I am 29 and currently am engaged with 2 kids. I have had depression since my teens and have spent the last 15 years blaming everybody else for how i feel and not dealing with it like I should. Recently my fiancee left me for a week to get some time to herself as my behaviour was too much for her to handle. We were fighting and I was getting angry at little things and blaming her for being stressed all of the time. It led to me controlling what she was wearing, what she was doing, where she was going and who she spoke to. I was deeply hurt that she left but was very lucky for her to return.
Since then I have been seeing a therapist. It has been 4 weeks since I started seeing the therapist and I am starting to see thing differently. I'm acknowledging the fact that it is my insecurities, social phobia, anxiety and depression that is driving her away and fiancee has done nothing wrong. I'm now able to talk about my feelings calmly and respectfully before the anger and anxiety takes over (most of the time). I'm opening up to my insecurities and my flaws which have dawned over me throughout my life, whihc have caused a lot of meltdowns and heartache. I'm letting things go instead of looking back on them and creating more issues. When I have a problem now I speak to my fiancee about it and continue on with my life. Things are kind of starting to look up.
However, I am still having issues. 2 nights ago my fiancee went out with her work friends and I lost it. I felt like I was abandoned, and the anxiety took over. I had hot flushes, sickness and vomiting, bad thoughts of what she was doing and who she was with. I was angry, my blood was boiling and I was pacing around the house, waiting for her to come home. I felt sick the whole day just knowing she was going out that night. I have been trying so hard just to be happy for her and let her enjoy herself with her work colleagues. The night was the worst in such a long time. I tried breathing, doing other things to take my mind off it and exercising, everything my therapist suggested. Nothing worked and when she got home I was angry but exhausted from my roller coaster of feelings.
We argued for a while about how her night out affected me and how I was hurt by it. I understood she had done nothing wrong but I was still sick from it. I can tell she doesn't want to be here anymore. She is trying really hard but I can feel she doesn't love me like she used to. I really want to be a person who can be happy when she goes out and speaks to other people and enjoy that she has a good time without me.
Can anyone relate to this?
I am 29 and currently am engaged with 2 kids. I have had depression since my teens and have spent the last 15 years blaming everybody else for how i feel and not dealing with it like I should. Recently my fiancee left me for a week to get some time to herself as my behaviour was too much for her to handle. We were fighting and I was getting angry at little things and blaming her for being stressed all of the time. It led to me controlling what she was wearing, what she was doing, where she was going and who she spoke to. I was deeply hurt that she left but was very lucky for her to return.
Since then I have been seeing a therapist. It has been 4 weeks since I started seeing the therapist and I am starting to see thing differently. I'm acknowledging the fact that it is my insecurities, social phobia, anxiety and depression that is driving her away and fiancee has done nothing wrong. I'm now able to talk about my feelings calmly and respectfully before the anger and anxiety takes over (most of the time). I'm opening up to my insecurities and my flaws which have dawned over me throughout my life, whihc have caused a lot of meltdowns and heartache. I'm letting things go instead of looking back on them and creating more issues. When I have a problem now I speak to my fiancee about it and continue on with my life. Things are kind of starting to look up.
However, I am still having issues. 2 nights ago my fiancee went out with her work friends and I lost it. I felt like I was abandoned, and the anxiety took over. I had hot flushes, sickness and vomiting, bad thoughts of what she was doing and who she was with. I was angry, my blood was boiling and I was pacing around the house, waiting for her to come home. I felt sick the whole day just knowing she was going out that night. I have been trying so hard just to be happy for her and let her enjoy herself with her work colleagues. The night was the worst in such a long time. I tried breathing, doing other things to take my mind off it and exercising, everything my therapist suggested. Nothing worked and when she got home I was angry but exhausted from my roller coaster of feelings.
We argued for a while about how her night out affected me and how I was hurt by it. I understood she had done nothing wrong but I was still sick from it. I can tell she doesn't want to be here anymore. She is trying really hard but I can feel she doesn't love me like she used to. I really want to be a person who can be happy when she goes out and speaks to other people and enjoy that she has a good time without me.
Can anyone relate to this?