MelissaK9174
12-02-2012, 11:54 AM
Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum and am trying to seek more info on social anxiety. I've been aware of it for a number of years but have just accepted it as something I can't change. I guess now I'm hoping to find ways to relieve some of it.
Brief history of traumatic events: physically abused by a schizophrenic mother since 11 yrs old, raped twice (once at 15 and again at 16), brother died in a tragic car accident when I was 18 (he was 17), have had numerous scary interactions with men.
I've always been large (I have an eating disorder) and at 30yrs old, fell off a porch, and wasn't able to walk well after that. I gained an enormous amout of weight and used it as an excuse to isolate myself further. I was probably on the verge of behaving as an agoraphobic but I would force myself to go do stuff and even travel periodically. Decided I was tired of living that way and started losing weight. Lost 115 pounds and still had issues walking. Found out I was born with a deformed hip. Got *that* fixed and have continued my weight loss journey and am trying to become a "normal" person. Though, I'm terrified of losing weight. I have fears of being raped again if I lose too much weight.
Social interactions scare the crap out of me. Quite literally being that I have IBS. It seems to always turn into some sort of disastrous self fulfilling prophecy. It's like I always wind up doing something that causes a "wtf" moment. Then, I realize what I've done and start trying to apologize and fix it and it becomes even more akward. When I was a teenager, I was very good with social interactions. After my brother died, I became withdrawn and have progressively gotten worse. I'm on anti-depressants and they have helped but they can only do so much.
Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and give a brief synopsis. I hope to make friends here :)
Brief history of traumatic events: physically abused by a schizophrenic mother since 11 yrs old, raped twice (once at 15 and again at 16), brother died in a tragic car accident when I was 18 (he was 17), have had numerous scary interactions with men.
I've always been large (I have an eating disorder) and at 30yrs old, fell off a porch, and wasn't able to walk well after that. I gained an enormous amout of weight and used it as an excuse to isolate myself further. I was probably on the verge of behaving as an agoraphobic but I would force myself to go do stuff and even travel periodically. Decided I was tired of living that way and started losing weight. Lost 115 pounds and still had issues walking. Found out I was born with a deformed hip. Got *that* fixed and have continued my weight loss journey and am trying to become a "normal" person. Though, I'm terrified of losing weight. I have fears of being raped again if I lose too much weight.
Social interactions scare the crap out of me. Quite literally being that I have IBS. It seems to always turn into some sort of disastrous self fulfilling prophecy. It's like I always wind up doing something that causes a "wtf" moment. Then, I realize what I've done and start trying to apologize and fix it and it becomes even more akward. When I was a teenager, I was very good with social interactions. After my brother died, I became withdrawn and have progressively gotten worse. I'm on anti-depressants and they have helped but they can only do so much.
Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and give a brief synopsis. I hope to make friends here :)