Sash
11-29-2012, 07:01 PM
Hi guys,
I've only posted here once before, when I was experiencing something very challenging, and again I am in a similar situation and I would like to try and articulate it the best that I can so that others can hopefuly use it as a point of reference, gain perspective and realise they are not alone when dealing with such things.
I have had bad anxiety for around 6 years now, its been pretty much consistent and has presented itself in many forms, mostly through physical symptoms, onset by thoughts, environments and feelings which manifest themselves in a physical way.
One of the textbook anxiety symptoms that I am sure a lot of you are familiar with is the focus we can attach to our breathing. Breathing is an autonomous function of our body, one which when we start paying attention to, can be greatly influenced, and in anxieties case, usually in a negative way.
Due to personal preference, I have tried to 'win' or 'understand' or 'cope' <insert phrase> with anxiety over the years in a natural way, in the sense that if it is somehting which has manifested itself, it can also "de-manifest" with the correct attitude. I have only recently gone to cash in a perscription i have had for some SSRI's, however, have decided to not yet take them.
The current symptom which I am experiencing (a lot) is breathing related, however, it is unlike any other breathing related symptom I have had previously. I feel very breathless, as if when I am talking I am running out of air very quickly, as if I have a light weight on my chest too, accompanied by a feeling of just general breathlessness and fast beating heart, nothing that I have not experienced due to anxiety before, but presented in a different way than I have previously experienced it. As someone who is incredibly hypersensitive to these sort of things, feeling that it is a "new" way my "symptoms" are manifested I obviously booked the requisite doctors appointments and did a peak-flow test as well as over the last month and a half having had a chest infection, I have also had a ECG and chest x-ray too.
Results from everything:
At the time I had a chest infection (around 5-6 weeks back now)
X-Ray - everything looks normal
ECG - Perfect
Peak Flow - 650 on first puff (im only 5'8 and that is what someone who is 6ft should be scoring) (I did this around 3 days ago)
Yet I am still experiencing these symptoms. Usually, these things provide suitable reassurance, but over the last few months the re-assurance from doctors, even doctors who are FAMILY have just not been enough and the mental strain it puts on my day-to-day life is becoming quite debilitating again. Right now I am in the middle of some very important work stuff with one of my businesses and its growing fast and we are heading for exciting times, I understand how this can have an impact and have taken that in to consideration, however, having analysed that part of things, there is really not much to be anxious about.
What is incredibly strange however is that over the last few months, when my Brother and I take trips back to London to see our family, as soon as we get to our house, I start wheezing. I have taken anti-histamnes and such to relieve it but it doesnt actually work , I thought it may be an alergy to the dog my family recently got, until I realised that literally as we drove on to the M25 (entering in to london from motorways) I started wheezing, and I do associate being back in London with a huge amount of stress and a strain on the family dynamic, (perhaps I should really re-visit my NLP days and work that out of my system) and whilst I am physically AT the house, especially toward night time, I have very disconcerting wheezing which is only relieved by use of an inhaler (perscriped during the chest infection to clear up residiual effects) although i am not actually an asthmatic. I get light wheezing from time to time when I am back up North however, and that can also be worrying.
In short, i felt it important to voice that as a matter of priority I am going to begin taking the sotalopram to see how it works out, at this point I dont feel like it is defeatist, although in the past I certainly have felt that by taking it I am throwing in my towel.
I am also, I guess, looking for some element of reassurance that this is anxiety. I can't keep fighting back and fourth with myself anymore, im exhausted from it, I just cant listen to myself about the good things (ie, that all the medical results are fine) but instead the constant yin/yang argument I am having about the most insane stuff such as :
•Why am i feeling like this
•Feeling like this isnt natural, it must be medical
•How can my body project this so called 'anxiety' as a physical symptom and it feel THIS real yet turn out to be nothing - SURELY it is something which is undetected thus far!
•Check you are okay from the second you wake up (sets it off for rest of day, as I am sure a lot of you are aware of)
Its just enough, and I have to call time out on myself, even when you have that moment of absolute rage toward everything and want to literally bang your head off the wall to make it all stop, you know your only going to wake back up to it. Its really frustrating and I hope to all of you out there who are experiencing anxiety symptoms which are even increbdily mild, that you help yourself in any way that you can and that you get better soon.
I really hope the SSRI's can level me out and let me start getting on with the stuff I want to, but the problem is, i know, really, its just a choice, and i cant seem to allow myself to make it, and it crushes me.
I've only posted here once before, when I was experiencing something very challenging, and again I am in a similar situation and I would like to try and articulate it the best that I can so that others can hopefuly use it as a point of reference, gain perspective and realise they are not alone when dealing with such things.
I have had bad anxiety for around 6 years now, its been pretty much consistent and has presented itself in many forms, mostly through physical symptoms, onset by thoughts, environments and feelings which manifest themselves in a physical way.
One of the textbook anxiety symptoms that I am sure a lot of you are familiar with is the focus we can attach to our breathing. Breathing is an autonomous function of our body, one which when we start paying attention to, can be greatly influenced, and in anxieties case, usually in a negative way.
Due to personal preference, I have tried to 'win' or 'understand' or 'cope' <insert phrase> with anxiety over the years in a natural way, in the sense that if it is somehting which has manifested itself, it can also "de-manifest" with the correct attitude. I have only recently gone to cash in a perscription i have had for some SSRI's, however, have decided to not yet take them.
The current symptom which I am experiencing (a lot) is breathing related, however, it is unlike any other breathing related symptom I have had previously. I feel very breathless, as if when I am talking I am running out of air very quickly, as if I have a light weight on my chest too, accompanied by a feeling of just general breathlessness and fast beating heart, nothing that I have not experienced due to anxiety before, but presented in a different way than I have previously experienced it. As someone who is incredibly hypersensitive to these sort of things, feeling that it is a "new" way my "symptoms" are manifested I obviously booked the requisite doctors appointments and did a peak-flow test as well as over the last month and a half having had a chest infection, I have also had a ECG and chest x-ray too.
Results from everything:
At the time I had a chest infection (around 5-6 weeks back now)
X-Ray - everything looks normal
ECG - Perfect
Peak Flow - 650 on first puff (im only 5'8 and that is what someone who is 6ft should be scoring) (I did this around 3 days ago)
Yet I am still experiencing these symptoms. Usually, these things provide suitable reassurance, but over the last few months the re-assurance from doctors, even doctors who are FAMILY have just not been enough and the mental strain it puts on my day-to-day life is becoming quite debilitating again. Right now I am in the middle of some very important work stuff with one of my businesses and its growing fast and we are heading for exciting times, I understand how this can have an impact and have taken that in to consideration, however, having analysed that part of things, there is really not much to be anxious about.
What is incredibly strange however is that over the last few months, when my Brother and I take trips back to London to see our family, as soon as we get to our house, I start wheezing. I have taken anti-histamnes and such to relieve it but it doesnt actually work , I thought it may be an alergy to the dog my family recently got, until I realised that literally as we drove on to the M25 (entering in to london from motorways) I started wheezing, and I do associate being back in London with a huge amount of stress and a strain on the family dynamic, (perhaps I should really re-visit my NLP days and work that out of my system) and whilst I am physically AT the house, especially toward night time, I have very disconcerting wheezing which is only relieved by use of an inhaler (perscriped during the chest infection to clear up residiual effects) although i am not actually an asthmatic. I get light wheezing from time to time when I am back up North however, and that can also be worrying.
In short, i felt it important to voice that as a matter of priority I am going to begin taking the sotalopram to see how it works out, at this point I dont feel like it is defeatist, although in the past I certainly have felt that by taking it I am throwing in my towel.
I am also, I guess, looking for some element of reassurance that this is anxiety. I can't keep fighting back and fourth with myself anymore, im exhausted from it, I just cant listen to myself about the good things (ie, that all the medical results are fine) but instead the constant yin/yang argument I am having about the most insane stuff such as :
•Why am i feeling like this
•Feeling like this isnt natural, it must be medical
•How can my body project this so called 'anxiety' as a physical symptom and it feel THIS real yet turn out to be nothing - SURELY it is something which is undetected thus far!
•Check you are okay from the second you wake up (sets it off for rest of day, as I am sure a lot of you are aware of)
Its just enough, and I have to call time out on myself, even when you have that moment of absolute rage toward everything and want to literally bang your head off the wall to make it all stop, you know your only going to wake back up to it. Its really frustrating and I hope to all of you out there who are experiencing anxiety symptoms which are even increbdily mild, that you help yourself in any way that you can and that you get better soon.
I really hope the SSRI's can level me out and let me start getting on with the stuff I want to, but the problem is, i know, really, its just a choice, and i cant seem to allow myself to make it, and it crushes me.