mangofish
11-28-2012, 04:27 PM
Hi everyone, I'm Ashley, I'm 26 and I live in Hawaii. Sometimes I wonder if I've always suffered from anxiety or if it's something that's only developed in the past couple of years. I think I've always been really self conscious about everything from my appearance to my mannerisms but for the most part I've channeled all the energy into positive things like always pushing myself to be successful in a vain effort thinking that if I became successful enough that these feelings would go away.
Of course, that isn't the case or I wouldn't be here. It's been bad enough to the point of medication on and off since December 2010, shortly after a great professional disappointment that was entirely my fault and a horrible relationship I was in. I was taking Buspar regularly and it helped although I didn't like how groggy it made me feel. However, it made my anxiety manageable and I was off the medication within 6 months. The horrible relationship got significantly worse, and my anxiety came back with a vengeance, but I was able to get a grip thanks to Klonopin and ending that relationship.
My anxiety now mainly manifests at work. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong/I'm not good enough/no one likes me even though I've always gotten positive feedback. I constantly need to feel validated in my own self worth and always feel awkward around other people. Oddly enough, I work in PR/Communications as a consultant. I used to do theater/speech/debate because I felt like it was a way to pretend to be the confident person I'm not. But when it's just me at my desk... I'm always convinced that people are unhappy with me.
The same thing goes in my relationship. I'm always convinced that my SO will leave me/cheat on me/some other catastrophe. He has been extremely supportive though.
Of course, that isn't the case or I wouldn't be here. It's been bad enough to the point of medication on and off since December 2010, shortly after a great professional disappointment that was entirely my fault and a horrible relationship I was in. I was taking Buspar regularly and it helped although I didn't like how groggy it made me feel. However, it made my anxiety manageable and I was off the medication within 6 months. The horrible relationship got significantly worse, and my anxiety came back with a vengeance, but I was able to get a grip thanks to Klonopin and ending that relationship.
My anxiety now mainly manifests at work. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong/I'm not good enough/no one likes me even though I've always gotten positive feedback. I constantly need to feel validated in my own self worth and always feel awkward around other people. Oddly enough, I work in PR/Communications as a consultant. I used to do theater/speech/debate because I felt like it was a way to pretend to be the confident person I'm not. But when it's just me at my desk... I'm always convinced that people are unhappy with me.
The same thing goes in my relationship. I'm always convinced that my SO will leave me/cheat on me/some other catastrophe. He has been extremely supportive though.