Suicidal

[ck0812]

I called the doctors this morning as I'm suicidal and once again I couldn't get in with the doctor I wanted to see for over a week. So I said to the receptionist I may not live to see next week. She said she would get the doctor to call me. Do you think she told him what I said? He doesn't know how I'm feeling but knew I was holding something back when I saw him yesterday. And begged me to talk and that he would get someone to look after my boys for 10 mins but I just said that I was fine.
The doctor did call me back within 10 mins but my son had put my phone on silent so I missed the call. He left a message and said he would call back later but never did. I'm a wreck :-(

[star1234]

What is it about your life that is so bad to make you feel that way?

[ck0812]

I just hate my life. My boyfriend constantly puts me down. I have no friends and am so lonely. Work is stressing me out and I'm not even back from maternity leave yet. My son just screams all day and I just feel like leaving him somewhere and my other son is just want want want. I can't cope with it all. I just feel everyone would be better off without me.

[mags34]

Hello, I am new to this site, I've just been reading your post and I had to reply to u, I am too getting that thoughts that I want the world to stop so I can get off, but I just keep fighting and you have to try too, I just keep thinking of my son who is 15 and has autism how would he cope he has only got me his dad doesn't bother with him, I've had acute anxiety and depression since he was born, just please keep fighting and if you want to talk ill listen and try n help you, keep fighting xxx

[star1234]

We're you depressed before the baby? Is your boyfriend the father of any of your children?

[mags34]

No I wasn't depressed before I had him, I was scared a bit but then ats normal with the first one, I had a real hard time having him, we both nearly died, but we both pulled through, I have only 1 child, was too scared to do that again, no me and his dad split up about 7 years ago, how are you feeling? Xxx

[star1234]

No matter how depressed I may be, I look for strength in my children. When I'm having a bad day I can't wait to go home and see them. Although they are teenagers they keep me on my toes. I've been in an unhappy marriage for years and that's part of my depression and the other is that I lost my mom recently. She was my rock. My husband and I started therapy last week. I cope one day at a time that's all I can do. Know your not alone. If you need to talk someone is always willing to help.

[ck0812]

I've suffered with depression for 10 years now. I have tried to commit suicide 3 times before I had my first son. It's not started since having my baby I'm just always a very unhappy person. My boyfriend is the father to both my children.

[fred53]

Hi CK! So.........What makes you happy?

[dazza]

Hi CK! So.........What makes you happy?

Probably nothing right now.

It's impossible to enjoy anything when you're riddled with worries / fear / hatred / jealousy and whatever else negative.

Some people are just born to be this way.

They think that somehow life has dealt them a shitty card, whereas in fact, most people are dealt the same - only they're happy no matter what.

Bottom line - the woe is me types think too much. They over analyse and always conclude the worst.
They make their own life crap because they make themselves BELIEVE it is crap.

Keep telling your brain that everything's crap and eventually it will believe it.
Keep telling your brain that everything's great and eventually it will believe it.

Belief is much to blame.

[fred53]

Probably nothing right now.

It's impossible to enjoy anything when you're riddled with worries / fear / hatred / jealousy and whatever else negative.

Some people are just born to be this way.

They think that somehow life has dealt them a shitty card, whereas in fact, most people are dealt the same - only they're happy no matter what.

Bottom line - the woe is me types think too much. They over analyse and always conclude the worst.
They make their own life crap because they make themselves BELIEVE it is crap.

Keep telling your brain that everything's crap and eventually it will believe it.
Keep telling your brain that everything's great and eventually it will believe it.

Belief is much to blame.

I see that your a senior member and I respect that. I don't think anyone has a perfect life and have had at least my fair share of complaints but ALWAYS found something to be happy about! Kids, "X"wife! LOL

[dazza]

I see that your a senior member and I respect that. I don't think anyone has a perfect life and have had at least my fair share of complaints but ALWAYS found something to be happy about! Kids, "X"wife! LOL

The member ratings are purely based on number of posts... a member may post a complete load of dribble 500 times but will still be labelled senior! (assuming they don't get kicked out in the mean time)

Some people don't seem to find happiness... ever.

I'm not necessarily saying this is the original poster, I'm just highlighting worst case and adding to debate.

[trinidiva]

Are you on an anti depressant? If not, you need to get on one right away. It will help, trust me. I was so anxious and stressed, it would leave me depressed. I've been taking Zoloft for quite some time now, and it truly has helped me.
If you can't get in touch with your doctor, please contact a help line just to talk to someone, or just talk to us on here.

[ck0812]

I have been on loads of different ones. I am currently on citalopram which isn't helping. I changed it a couple of months ago. I was taking amitriplyline but was on a very high dose which was amazing and was the best I have ever been whilst on that but I couldn't stay on it as it knocked me out at night and never woke up to my baby. But I am now thinking of going back on it as my baby doesn't wake at night now and if he did my boyfriend would hear him.
I have written down how I'm feeling tonight and its made me feel a bit better getting it all out.

[trinidiva]

I'm glad you are feeling better....

I know having little ones can be overwhelming, I have two little ones, and I remember being in somewhat of a haze, not ever feeling fully rested, having a short fuse and my anxiety was through the roof. I literally thought I was having a breakdown at one point, in the midst of screaming children. I just sat on the floor, and had a good cry.
Once I got on the right dosage of meds and my youngest started to sleep through the night, I really started to feel better. Also, not sure where you live, but the winter weather has just arrived and the SAD (winter blues) has definitely kicked in.

[PanicCured]

Never is suicide the correct option. Do not even go there. Do not do it!

Suicide/Crisis hotline- American number- 1-800-427-4747

If you are not in the US you can still call it or find a local crisis/suicide hotline.

Call a suicide hotline or 9-11 if you have real suicidal thoughts.