does anybody have a problem with obsessing over the past?

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

hey all,

I seem to have a problem because I frequently obsess about my past mistakes and how I have messed up my life :( it gets me down quite easily and I struggle to deal with it. I know that my anxiety issues are behind almost all of my major life decisions, so knowing that this led me to the mess I am in now is quite sad :( I am 25 years-old, a college graduate but I have no career to speak of. I have bounced around between majors and studies and I have completed internships, but never fully committed to something. I was even in law school for one year, but I hated it and was afraid that I would be miserable in this career, so I dropped out. I am now starting to wonder if this was a mistake, because I don't seem to be qualified to do anything else. However, I know I didn't like it and it would have been very expensive, so I feel like I saved myself a life of misery, but still I have doubts.

I am so scared that my past mistakes will haunt me forever. i have considered going back to school for something else entirely, but i am not sure if this is possible? i don't know, but I am always thinking about my past mistakes and how I should have done this or that when I was younger :(

oh well, sorry for the woe-is-me post. anybody have any tips on how to deal with this problem of mine?

[mw0929]

Believe me, we have all done things in our past we wish we could change but they do happen for a reason. I'm 29 and still in school. I switched majors 3 times before I settled on my current major and will finally graduate next Summer. I was at a point in my life where I felt I was going nowhere fast but when I made the decision to stay in this major and graduate, I felt I finally found my path. If you are unhappy with your past decisions, you can learn from them and make different decisions that will positively impact your life. Not everyone knows what they want to do with their life right away and it takes some people lomger to find it out. You're not alone.

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

wow, very cool story for you. It is good to hear anecdotes of people who have turned their careers around and found something that they find worthwhile. Anyhow, I just have some practical questions about how you achieved this. Did you take a leave of absence, return or something else? how was it being in your mid-late twenties with all of these teens around you? What did you decide to major in btw? and why did you choose this field?

thanks again for your kind words.

[onedayatatime]

I completely understand where you are coming from. It seems as if everyone around me is graduated and successful. Its a big downer, but through self-talk and realizing that not everyone's life is perfect, helps me cope. Never compare your behind-the-scenes with someone's highlight reel. I've quickly learned that. I graduated at 25 and planned on doing great things. I bounced to 2-3 jobs and became more and more miserable. I'm currently 28 and in grad school. I picked a degree that had a good outlook and that I thought I'd enjoy. I always look back and think, I should have done this or that but in the end, I still wake up and am 28 in grad school.

What if you finished law school and were even more miserable? Then you'd be 250,000 in debt and even more depressed. Maybe you were meant to be in business, a laboratory, a teacher. In the meantime, I'd at least volunteer or find something part-time that you actually enjoy. Try to find some happiness in what you do, just always be doing something positive and that helps you grow.

Marni.

[mw0929]

wow, very cool story for you. It is good to hear anecdotes of people who have turned their careers around and found something that they find worthwhile. Anyhow, I just have some practical questions about how you achieved this. Did you take a leave of absence, return or something else? how was it being in your mid-late twenties with all of these teens around you? What did you decide to major in btw? and why did you choose this field?

thanks again for your kind words.

Well, I started college right after I graduated high school. I went for about 3 semesters and then dropped out. Worked full-time for 5 years and then finally went back. I know most people say taking a break isn't good to do because most people never go back to school but in my case, I needed it. I was burned out. Going back wasn't hard with younger people because there are a lot of people my age and much older going back to school. I'm not sure where you are from but America's economy has sent a ton of people back to school. College isn't just for the young anymore. I chose Psychology for pretty obvious reasons. I want to help people so they don't have to struggle alone like I did for so many years. If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask. Always here. :)

[alankay]

Sure. I used to. Sometimes even over the silliest things until I realized how trivial most of this stuff was. I'm able to counter this with some self talk but yeah I bet lots have that. Alankay

[star1234]

We all have things about our past that pull us down in one way or another. Don't let it get you down. That's part of life. You can't dwell on "what if" . Instead focus on "I can and I will". Stop blaming yourself . Never look back and continue looking forward. Many people out there like you that have struggled with school and work. Know that your not the first and your not the last. Why do things come easy for some and not others? Who knows? My point is take it one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow because today comes with its own set of difficulties.

[fred53]

Please don't worry about things that in reality may or may not have been mistakes. I'm 53 and I wish I would have done alot of things differently.......But they were all experiences that I learned from. You are a college GRADUATE! Be proud of that. You have so much time in front of you and I'm sure it will all come together for you. I think that it's great that you realized that law school wasn't for you NOW! I got into a career because the money was good but after about two years I hated it. Unfortunately I had a wife, two kids and a mortgage so I went to work every day for 20 years regretting that decision. (not my wife and kids) Do something that you are reasonably sure you will like but be able to make a lateral move if things change. Good Luck

I seem to have a problem because I frequently obsess about my past mistakes and how I have messed up my life :( it gets me down quite easily and I struggle to deal with it. I know that my anxiety issues are behind almost all of my major life decisions, so knowing that this led me to the mess I am in now is quite sad :( I am 25 years-old, a college graduate but I have no career to speak of. I have bounced around between majors and studies and I have completed internships, but never fully committed to something. I was even in law school for one year, but I hated it and was afraid that I would be miserable in this career, so I dropped out. I am now starting to wonder if this was a mistake, because I don't seem to be qualified to do anything else. However, I know I didn't like it and it would have been very expensive, so I feel like I saved myself a life of misery, but still I have doubts.

I am so scared that my past mistakes will haunt me forever. i have considered going back to school for something else entirely, but i am not sure if this is possible? i don't know, but I am always thinking about my past mistakes and how I should have done this or that when I was younger :(

oh well, sorry for the woe-is-me post. anybody have any tips on how to deal with this problem of mine?[/QUOTE]

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

I completely understand where you are coming from. It seems as if everyone around me is graduated and successful. Its a big downer, but through self-talk and realizing that not everyone's life is perfect, helps me cope. Never compare your behind-the-scenes with someone's highlight reel. I've quickly learned that. I graduated at 25 and planned on doing great things. I bounced to 2-3 jobs and became more and more miserable. I'm currently 28 and in grad school. I picked a degree that had a good outlook and that I thought I'd enjoy. I always look back and think, I should have done this or that but in the end, I still wake up and am 28 in grad school.

What if you finished law school and were even more miserable? Then you'd be 250,000 in debt and even more depressed. Maybe you were meant to be in business, a laboratory, a teacher. In the meantime, I'd at least volunteer or find something part-time that you actually enjoy. Try to find some happiness in what you do, just always be doing something positive and that helps you grow.

Marni.

"Never compare your behind-the-scenes with someone's highlight reel" - love this! so very true.

what are you studying now?

I am currently volunteering, but it is only 3 hours a week. It is tutoring inner-city children in maths and english. It's really enjoyable, but I want to do something more often and the teaching market is so bad here in New Jersey, so I don't want to pursue that as a career. I am also looking to volunteer at a hospital because i am thinking of something healthcare-related, but those seem to be a very detailed thing. you can't just go in there and start immediately. But I am sure i will be able to and i'm just trying to look on the positive side of things.

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

Well, I started college right after I graduated high school. I went for about 3 semesters and then dropped out. Worked full-time for 5 years and then finally went back. I know most people say taking a break isn't good to do because most people never go back to school but in my case, I needed it. I was burned out. Going back wasn't hard with younger people because there are a lot of people my age and much older going back to school. I'm not sure where you are from but America's economy has sent a ton of people back to school. College isn't just for the young anymore. I chose Psychology for pretty obvious reasons. I want to help people so they don't have to struggle alone like I did for so many years. If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask. Always here. :)

that is really cool. I actually think most people should take some time off between high school and university to figure out what they like doing. I live in NJ and not only does the economy suck in the USA, but NJ is ranked 47/50 in terms of economic growth during the last few years. Public Service jobs are an absolute nightmare to get and I am not confident that things will turn around in a few years.

I also studied psychology as an undergraduate. will you apply to graduate schools?

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

Please don't worry about things that in reality may or may not have been mistakes. I'm 53 and I wish I would have done alot of things differently.......But they were all experiences that I learned from. You are a college GRADUATE! Be proud of that. You have so much time in front of you and I'm sure it will all come together for you. I think that it's great that you realized that law school wasn't for you NOW! I got into a career because the money was good but after about two years I hated it. Unfortunately I had a wife, two kids and a mortgage so I went to work every day for 20 years regretting that decision. (not my wife and kids) Do something that you are reasonably sure you will like but be able to make a lateral move if things change. Good Luck


thanks for your kind words and yes, I suppose all of my mistakes in university have taught me what I don't want from a career. Thinking of something that can allow me to make a lateral move is the biggest challenge because I am still torn between something in healthcare or the social work/public service route. I'm trying to get volunteer positions in both areas so that I can get a feel for the industries and see which one i like more, but it is very tough for me to commit to something. I am petrified of making another mistake and being stuck in a career that i despise.

just out of curiosity, what is the career you chose and why did you hate it so much?

[mw0929]

that is really cool. I actually think most people should take some time off between high school and university to figure out what they like doing. I live in NJ and not only does the economy suck in the USA, but NJ is ranked 47/50 in terms of economic growth during the last few years. Public Service jobs are an absolute nightmare to get and I am not confident that things will turn around in a few years.

I also studied psychology as an undergraduate. will you apply to graduate schools?

My best friend is from NJ. :) I'm in Texas. I do plan on attending grad school but not now. I need to go work or I will lose my mind. I will probably work and do grad school next year.

[MillieH]

I too obsess about past mistakes, for me it happens right as I'm going to bed and keeps me up at night. I read a book every nite to try and distract myself until I fall asleep.

I also just went back to college this past september. I had dropped out of college after high school and began working to afford an apt, it's been 10 years now and I was miserable. Being 30 I worried about going back and being surrounded by teenagers (my boyfriend talked me down thru more than a few panic attacks during registration) but it's not bad at all. Yes I am the oldest student in my class but no one treats me like I am. I'm studying to be an Occupational Therapy Assistant, which maybe you would find interesting.

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

I too obsess about past mistakes, for me it happens right as I'm going to bed and keeps me up at night. I read a book every nite to try and distract myself until I fall asleep.

I also just went back to college this past september. I had dropped out of college after high school and began working to afford an apt, it's been 10 years now and I was miserable. Being 30 I worried about going back and being surrounded by teenagers (my boyfriend talked me down thru more than a few panic attacks during registration) but it's not bad at all. Yes I am the oldest student in my class but no one treats me like I am. I'm studying to be an Occupational Therapy Assistant, which maybe you would find interesting.

wow, you're story sounds so similar to mine. My 'obsession times' also occurs mostly at night. Also, I am considering studying occupational therapy! Since I have achieved a B.A. degree with a 3.5 GPA, I am thinking about doing the OT program, not OTA. However, i am also thinking about physical therapy instead. I have yet to decide which one is a better fit for me. I am starting a PT shadowing experience on Monday, and I need to find one for OT as well. Anyhow, how are you finding the program? and how did you get accepted? i know it is quite a competitive process, and this is causing me some anxiety as well. What if I don't achieve the grades necessary to be admitted? then I think my life is over :(

[MillieH]

I'm studying at a very small college, I think it's considered a community college, I wasn't accepted or rejected, I just signed up. I was very worried about doing well, I hadn't been in school for 10 years, and my grades in high school were horrible, I had a 1.65 GPA. And it took me 10 years to figure out what I wanted to do, which was a suggestion from my boyfriend, he had back surgury this past summer and spent time in a rehab center, when he came home he said "you'd be really good at that". So now I'm wrapping up my 1st semester and have a 92 in my pyschology class (which is kind of biased because I love psychology) and I'm even passing my public speaking class. I must add though that this never would've happened if I didn't start seeing a psychiatrist, the lexapro has helped me immensely.

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

I'm studying at a very small college, I think it's considered a community college, I wasn't accepted or rejected, I just signed up. I was very worried about doing well, I hadn't been in school for 10 years, and my grades in high school were horrible, I had a 1.65 GPA. And it took me 10 years to figure out what I wanted to do, which was a suggestion from my boyfriend, he had back surgury this past summer and spent time in a rehab center, when he came home he said "you'd be really good at that". So now I'm wrapping up my 1st semester and have a 92 in my pyschology class (which is kind of biased because I love psychology) and I'm even passing my public speaking class. I must add though that this never would've happened if I didn't start seeing a psychiatrist, the lexapro has helped me immensely.
great stuff, keep up the good work :) what other courses are you taking?

[MillieH]

Just the 2 to start, only going part time. If I can go back anyone can. And your grades sound way better than mine. Good luck with the job shadowing :)

[hellopleasedtomeeyou]

Just the 2 to start, only going part time. If I can go back anyone can. And your grades sound way better than mine. Good luck with the job shadowing :)

thank you dear :) I went yesterday, it was very informative and quite cool actually. Apparently I now have lots of anatomy to learn ;)

[MillieH]

Great! I need to get around to doing that, my advisor says if I shadow 8 hours with an OTA and write an essay on it I'll get $1,000 towards my tuition. Go you.

[Azuluis]

It is around between majors and studies and I have completed internships, but never fully committed to something. I was even in law school for one year and so it will be great.