panic attacks and insecurity

[onedayatatime]

Happy Thanksgiving all. I am new to this forum and seek friendship and guidance through my journey on taking control of my anxiety. I've relied on my close friends and family but sometimes I feel a burden to them.

My panic attacks are caused when I see my boyfriend's ex girlfriend. They dated 4 years ago and for less than a year. They have each dated other people since then. My anxiety comes because they work together and very closely. I don't fit in to their environment. Everyone knows them. I feel left out. Also, they are both successful (in my eyes) and I'm still in grad school.

On Saturday I went to one of their functions with a friend and after making it an hour of seeing them together, I told my friend I had to go. And she had to drive me back home. My anxiety and illogical thoughts took over and won.

Previously to this, I was in a 2 and a half year relationship which ended almost 2 years ago. His ex girlfriend would also belittle me and he never did anything about it. I also found out that he cheated on me several times. We sought couples counseling, and in the end, I broke it off and went to counseling on my own.

I don't know what to do. I've been on Viibryd for about 3 weeks. The Celexa gave me terrible night terrors. I want to try to battle this with support and positivity.

Thank you all for reading,

Marni.

[dazza]

Arrrrrr Marni...

oooh, geddit? ArMarni!

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

[onedayatatime]

I just turned 28 this month. :/ I feel I should be in a career already. Should own a house. Should have a family. I made the decision in high school to create a time line for myself. A HORRIBLE mistake. 23 graduate, 25 have a career, 28 be settled with a house, kids, and a family. Then life happened. A break-up happened. And here I am.

Marni.

[dazza]

Hey,

You're right... life happens.

But you know what, that time line you set up was not based on fact... it was based on a dream / an ideal / a rose-tinted outlook on life / what you THOUGHT was right / what you THOUGHT was the perfect progression / a seemingly standard conformance.

Things & stuff happen for a reason. There's a reason why you're not in the position you wanted to be... and who's to say that you'd be happy in that situation now anyway?
You never know, you may have been bored to tears with your husband / sick of dragging kids around / itching to regain some of the single life you'd lost over the past so-many years.

Relationships / kids / mortgages aren't all they're cracked up to be you know. Most people in relationships are bored shitless if they were honest about it (it's true)

Your best bet is to just let stuff happen... naturally. Don't try and force situations because of your dreamy (often naive) outlook.

It'll all happen in it's own time, but for now... have fun.

[onedayatatime]

Thank you Dazza. I hope to find a lot of insight here and hopefully be able to control and overcome my anxiety.

[dazza]

Anxiety is usually born through either a trauma or an accumulation of fears.

Sounds to me like your anxiety is a mixture of a) lack of self confidence and b) the fear of losing your partner which would mean another blow to your rose-tinted outlook & confidence... or perhaps an even deeper fear that you think you may be on your own for the rest of your life.

All reasonable fears, but they've got out of hand and now your brain is reacting badly to them. It sees them as a threat to your existance and hence they're causing you panic.

The reasoning is often simple. The cure is often not.

However, first port of call would be friends & family - which you reckon you're now burdening. You've chosen this forum as a second port of call and I hope you find some comfort here.
Third port of call would be to seek professional assistance - perhaps councilling or even therapy.