Newbie looking for help / maybe just venting?

[david81]

Hi, firstly id say that i dont have some of the servere symptoms that ive read on here, and it makes me feel a little silly/selfish to even be posting this, but if anyone has any help it would be appreciated. And if not, i think just my typing it out will help!

Ive suffered from moderate depression off and on for around 15 years, with anxiety not being a problem until the last couple of years. Generally im not good in groups or at meeting new people, but ok with people at work.

The anxiety is always due to work or when 'things' are in limbo. That brings about the usual symtoms, poor sleep, (occasional) heart palpitations... And that lump in your throat, it never occured to me that this was due to anxiety until i read this forum. Im not really worried about thel anxiety at the moment as it passes as soon as the cause of the stress has gone.

My main concern is the depression. I have been fairly clear of it for over a year now, but it is starting to get the better of me again. I hit a bit of a breakthrough a while ago realising and responding to triggers of my depression, i.e if someone said somthing to upset me, which would normally send me into a months worth of depression, i could numb myself to it.

The problem is at the moment that i cant see a 'trigger' as to why im starting to decline. I have a good job (though stressful at times), no money worries, a great family, no girlfriend but happily single (genuinely!)... But this all just irritates me even more, i dont have reason to be depressed!!

I guess im just scarred of going back to a couple of years ago, and frankly after going through 15 years of it, and thinking ive got control... I cant go back.

I dont take any sort of anti depressants as im a big believer that while they help in the short term, they are not a long term solution. I dont know if anyone else is/has been in the same situation and can help? And im happy to try any self help stuff if anyone has any recommendations? It would be great to nip it in the bud.

I am happy to talk to others about thier issues too.

Thanks in advance.

David

[alankay]

David, you don't have an anxiety disorder if you never have phobic avoidance or anxiety doesn't interfere with your work and/or life. You may have Cyclothymia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia). I know you said you were much worse at one period but since you don't take an AD and wrestle with a low mood or the blues(but are "OK"), you might just also be oversensitive like many of us as well as just mildly depressed.
So do you engage in aerobic exercise? Does you mood change with or effected by the season? I was just thinking or some things that effect people but who are not truly depressed and SAD comes to mind unless the season(low light periods) has nothing to do with the way you feel. Also I bet you would feel better if you did some aerobic exercise. It's a mood improver and anxiety/stress buster for many myself included(been a runner for over 30 years and can tell when I go without for a period). Just some thoughts to chew on. PM me any time. Alankay.

[david81]

Thanks, that actually helps a lot. While i wouldnt call my depression mild (it got pretty hairy there for a while), reading what everyone else has posted i agree it is not an anxiety thing. It isn't effected by the seasons though, it happens on any given occasion at any time of year. Or over sensitivity, the thing that sets me off doesnt have to be what someone else has done/said, i gave that as an example. It can be anything.

I guess i came on here to see if it was my current anxiey that could be causing my current low mood, ie the trigger, but probably not. Reading that wiki link that does sound very accurate. Ill try the running thing, might have to be walking pace at first!

Thanks for the advice, and fingers crossed. Sorry if anyone was offended.

David

[alankay]

Oops I meant this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia. But as you mention, you felt more than "blue" I guess. Read through it anyway.
Anyway, you could be just anxious a bit or high strung yet not having any kind of disorder. Stay loose. :) Alankay