bytorandthesnowdog
11-18-2012, 01:51 PM
I just joined and really need to talk to someone and it seems the only way I am able to talk to anyone is anonymously online. I think my anxiety levels are incredibly high. On a daily basis I feel sick at my stomach, headaches, twitching and some weird muscle spasms, exhaustion, muscle soreness, tightening of my chest/shortness of breath, my whole body trembling, heart pounding, light headedness, and lots of sweating to name some physical symptoms. Most of those are very intense. On top of that I feel like I am losing control of my mind, I can't control my thoughts, I relive embarrassing and painful moments from my past, even very minor ones, over and over, I can't talk to people I don't know, I have no motivation to do anything, nothing seems fun to me anymore, I am terrified of the future and what lies ahead for me, I think about the future all the time in a negative way, I'm very paranoid about everything from people talking about me to me dying, I'm very indecisive, and I can't concentrate for very long to name some mental and emotional symptoms and again, most are very intense. I'm assuming these are all due to my anxiety considering their frequency. I am physically unable to do certain things like attend parties, even small ones, or speak up without being prompted to speak. I've been on medicine for a long time and I honestly don't know what half of them are for anymore. I know one is for stomach pains, which doesn't help, and another is for anxiety, but obviously that one does nothing either. I went to therapy for a few years and that didn't help at all. I was even sent to a special school for people with mental disorders. We had group therapy everyday and one on one therapy weekly. Nothing changed. In fact it's just been getting worse. I feel like there is nothing I can do. I don't know how long I can keep trying. I'll be going to college next year and I'm very worried that if I don't get over this anxiety, I won't make it through. My life feels like a living hell, even though I know I have it great. Many opportunities, luxuries, a caring family, and everything I need to be happy. But I'm not. I feel selfish and greedy because of that. I don't know what I hope to get out of this, maybe I just want to tell someone the whole truth assuming someone reads this or maybe I want someone to talk to. If you managed to get this far; Thank you for reading.