defmunel
11-17-2012, 01:27 PM
Someone just wrote that on a thread. Gosh, how I wish I could accept this!
So about 2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. It was a planned pregnancy, but for 7 months we'd get a negative home pregnancy test. Finally the 8th month of trying and it came back positive. I'm very happy to have another baby, but ever since I found out, I've been in an anxiety wreck. I was completely fine for 4 months before. Felt good, didn't notice my heart beating. Didn't need any meds. But AS SOON AS it sunk in, I've been a mess.
My first pregnancy was very difficult. I remember at the end feeling completely uncomfortable. My heart would beat harder and faster after I ate. It still does this after I eat now. I didn't have anxiety then, so I never internalized it. After I had my son, I developed very bad anxiety and ppd. It took me 9 months to feel normal again.
Now, I'm constantly feeling my heart beat. It feels fast all the time. Especially when I'm standing. I feel weak and out of energy constantly. I force myself to do the bare minimum. The other times I'm wallowing in my own self pity, ignoring the needs of my 5 yr old.
I started cbt last wed. I've been in therapy before. I know the "tools" but it's so freakin hard to implement them when you feel a physical symptom. It's so real!
I try to remind myself I didn't feel this way before, but then the thought comes, "well maybe because you didn't pay attention to it, but youve always had it."
My dr said I'm fine. Ekg and bloodwork all normal. I'm a small girl, 105lbs and 5'4". I can't for the life of me understand why my heart beats so dang fast! I know I check my pulse too much and that is feeding the fear. But I tell myself to check it to prove my brain wrong. But i hardly ever prove it wrong and then the anxiety goes up and up. A vicious cycle.
I want to believe that a beating heart is healthy. And I believe it is, but only between certain amounts. My are too high for me to believe I'm ok.
I don't know what else to do. I'm so sick and tired of feeling this way. I want to ignore my beating heart and not worry about it. I want to feel the way i did before I found out I was pregnant. I want to believe my dr that I'm ok. I can only go see her so many times. She can't keep reassuring me each week. I have to trust her and believe her, and yet I can't! I hate this!
So about 2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. It was a planned pregnancy, but for 7 months we'd get a negative home pregnancy test. Finally the 8th month of trying and it came back positive. I'm very happy to have another baby, but ever since I found out, I've been in an anxiety wreck. I was completely fine for 4 months before. Felt good, didn't notice my heart beating. Didn't need any meds. But AS SOON AS it sunk in, I've been a mess.
My first pregnancy was very difficult. I remember at the end feeling completely uncomfortable. My heart would beat harder and faster after I ate. It still does this after I eat now. I didn't have anxiety then, so I never internalized it. After I had my son, I developed very bad anxiety and ppd. It took me 9 months to feel normal again.
Now, I'm constantly feeling my heart beat. It feels fast all the time. Especially when I'm standing. I feel weak and out of energy constantly. I force myself to do the bare minimum. The other times I'm wallowing in my own self pity, ignoring the needs of my 5 yr old.
I started cbt last wed. I've been in therapy before. I know the "tools" but it's so freakin hard to implement them when you feel a physical symptom. It's so real!
I try to remind myself I didn't feel this way before, but then the thought comes, "well maybe because you didn't pay attention to it, but youve always had it."
My dr said I'm fine. Ekg and bloodwork all normal. I'm a small girl, 105lbs and 5'4". I can't for the life of me understand why my heart beats so dang fast! I know I check my pulse too much and that is feeding the fear. But I tell myself to check it to prove my brain wrong. But i hardly ever prove it wrong and then the anxiety goes up and up. A vicious cycle.
I want to believe that a beating heart is healthy. And I believe it is, but only between certain amounts. My are too high for me to believe I'm ok.
I don't know what else to do. I'm so sick and tired of feeling this way. I want to ignore my beating heart and not worry about it. I want to feel the way i did before I found out I was pregnant. I want to believe my dr that I'm ok. I can only go see her so many times. She can't keep reassuring me each week. I have to trust her and believe her, and yet I can't! I hate this!