funkstarsista
11-16-2012, 01:38 AM
So, I bailed on my job and secretly hoped they would sack me because I felt I didn't deserve it.
I told the director I'm suffering from depression (I didn't say that the REAL reason is Anxiety) and I'm going to take time off to start treatment. She was wonderful, supportive and kind.
I tried zoloft, no good, now lexpro and I am feeling somewhat better but I still don't feel ready to go back to work.
It's been 2 months and they are just waiting for my call.
It's a great job, pays well and I am very lucky to have it.
Why don't I want to go back? Work was the scene of a lot of my anxiety. I know it wasn't the job or the people, it was ME. Despite logically understanding this I STILL feel avoidant.
I think I am self sabotaging.
I feel unworthy of this great job.
I need to improve my self confidence and self esteem.
I don't know what to say to the other staff about where I have been.
I've always been embarrassed and secretive about my problem. Talking about it was actually a trigger for me...denial, denial, denial.
I'm feeling a bit better now and ready to tell people (not the people at work because it isn't really relevant if I am better).
Should I wait until I am 100% better to go back to work or go back while I am in the early stages of getting better? Am I just making excuses.
For anyone who has told friends and family about GAD - how did u do it? What did you say?
Do I need to just take leap of faith, give myself some tough love and go back to work?
Almost always it's my anticipation that is the problem, and once I do the thing I feared I go "what was the big deal?"
I appreciate any thoughts, advice. Thank you :)
I told the director I'm suffering from depression (I didn't say that the REAL reason is Anxiety) and I'm going to take time off to start treatment. She was wonderful, supportive and kind.
I tried zoloft, no good, now lexpro and I am feeling somewhat better but I still don't feel ready to go back to work.
It's been 2 months and they are just waiting for my call.
It's a great job, pays well and I am very lucky to have it.
Why don't I want to go back? Work was the scene of a lot of my anxiety. I know it wasn't the job or the people, it was ME. Despite logically understanding this I STILL feel avoidant.
I think I am self sabotaging.
I feel unworthy of this great job.
I need to improve my self confidence and self esteem.
I don't know what to say to the other staff about where I have been.
I've always been embarrassed and secretive about my problem. Talking about it was actually a trigger for me...denial, denial, denial.
I'm feeling a bit better now and ready to tell people (not the people at work because it isn't really relevant if I am better).
Should I wait until I am 100% better to go back to work or go back while I am in the early stages of getting better? Am I just making excuses.
For anyone who has told friends and family about GAD - how did u do it? What did you say?
Do I need to just take leap of faith, give myself some tough love and go back to work?
Almost always it's my anticipation that is the problem, and once I do the thing I feared I go "what was the big deal?"
I appreciate any thoughts, advice. Thank you :)