2 weeks Of Marriage Over. Because He Did It Again.

[camilla91]

Been married 2 weeks, I thought this man had changed. Seriously this one of the worst days I've had.
We split up months ago because he was practically begging another woman to sleep with him when anxiety for me was at its absolute worst. Then he bust my nose with a bottle. A couple of months later he actually seemed like he changed. There was no more alcohol, no more arguing, more help round the house. Basically seemed like someone I wanted to be with. So we got married.
Stupid fucking me. I must be the biggest idiot in the world. Honestly I must be.
Yesterday 2 of my friends msgd me and asked me why my husband was msging them, I being the idiot that I am thought nothing of it until one of my friends forwarded the msgs of him asking to cook them dinner sometime, telling them he's single and needs a nice woman. I could only sit and laugh.
I told my friend to ask him if he wanted to meet up. He said yes instantly. Told me he was waiting at his flat for his mate to come back when in actual fact he'd set off to meet her.
She msgd him telling him 'ur wife says hi'
Then came the denial.
Then the guilt.
Then the all important 'its ur fault ur a shit wife, u caused this'.
2 weeks. 2 weeks it lasted. How fucking stupid am I?
A leopard never changes its spots.
Take that from a woman that knows.
I actually feel like a total idiot.

[dazza]

What a w a n k e r!

Mind you... you are a bit silly for marrying such a crowning turd.

What now?

[jhunter89]

I thought this was a different boy you married!
People like that never change.

And he sounds like a dumb idiot for texting your friends, did he think they wouldn't tell you!? What a fucking moron!

[camilla91]

I think he thought I wasn't friends with these girls because I'd had a falling out with one of them, so practically thought it was untraceable.
I feel like such a fucking idiot.
I've just gotta pick myself back up. What more can I do?
He swore on my sons life that he never msgd them when I had the msgs in front of my eyes.
My 2 year old son. He's disgusting.
I'm exhausted. Could sleep for weeks.
I feel so fucking stupid its unbelievable.
I bought him the fone he was msging them on, can u believe that?
After all this I still did the decent thing. I told him to come round so we could talk. Took the fone off him and kicked him out.
That's better then punching him.
I gave up a good man for him. I had social services on my back. The heath visitor. Mmy friends. My family. All told me no to do it. I didn't listen. And look what happened. What a complete idiot.

[jhunter89]

What a c**t! I'd of punched him and smashed all his stuff.

[camilla91]

Believe me I had to stop myself laying him out. It was hard.
I literally chewed my lip to death to stop myself as daft as that sounds.
Its not even the msgs that bother me its the lies and the fact I trusted him. What a total idiot.

[jhunter89]

Least your shot of him now. He doesn't deserve ya! x

[star1234]

What's done is done. Don't beat yourself up. Take this an a lesson to be learned. If you take him back then that would be stupid and them you should beat yourself up. I strongly believe that once you end a relationship you should never go back. If it tasted bad in the beginning its going to taste bad all through the relationship. I think taking the initiative to leave someone is the hardest and most important step one can take. You already went through the worst so don't take him back no matter what he tells you.

[camilla91]

I'll be strong enough this time.
Anyone got any advice on getting out of a two week marriage? Lol!
He had the cheek to msg me and tell me 'I'm losing all control, I'm fucking things up and its my loss' LOL
I told him I've lost control of nothing, it will take me a day to pick myself back up, and my loss? Never heard anything so funny in my life.
He changed tack then to 'I love u I'd never cheat' blah, blah.
Its okay. I'll take today to wallow, and tomorrow I'll pick up the pieces.
Its about finding myself again.. Again.
I'm not going back, and if I ever do somebody please put me down!

[star1234]

He will try to manipulate you and pint the finger at you. He does this to make you feel guilty so you can take him back. Take it from me, don't. Avoid all conversations with him unless it had to do with your son. Other then that avoid him at all cost so you don't start believing him and second guessing yourself.

[jhunter89]

Sounds like something off Jeremy Kyle! lol (no offence Cam :) )

[alankay]

Leave and don't look back.

[camilla91]

That's a good idea star, that's what I'll do if he msgs me again, I'll just tell him unless its about my son I will not reply.
And I know jhunter! Lol no offence taken, he'd fit in quite well on the bloody show, I don't think I would! I'd be the one that refused to come out of the green room LOL
There's gotta be some proper faithful men out there surely! Why do I attract idiots?
I've sorted my money out today so he can't touch that, he's seeing my son on saturday so I've got time to pull myself together.
Once I get over the shock of this and the embarrassment I should be fine.
I'm gunna keep ur msg star as sad as it sounds. Because I know if I speak to him I will start to second guess myself so that msg can be reminder of what not to do.

[star1234]

You need to be strong. Nothing to be embarrassed about. No one is perfect and no one on this forum is Jesus to pass judgement on you. We all make mistakes because we were not born perfect. Also keep in mind he will use the child against you. You need to be ready for that. He might threaten to take the child away from you. In a court of law that can only happen if he had lots of money to pay a good attorney, you don't have a job to support your child(that's a maybe) or you are an unfit mom. In almost all cases the mom always gets the child. Don't let anyone separate you from your child. My kids are what have given me the strength in my life. I hope yours does the same. I'm here to talk anytime.

[camilla91]

He'll never take my son, he hasn't got a chance

There's report after report of violence.
He broke my foot when my son was 8 months old, I had to walk around with a big ugly boot on for weeks.
The social services have been to my house and told me the only concern they have is with him.
I know he'll use him to get to me, he'll use him as an excuse to see me and speak to me but I'm not going to have it. If it comes to it I'll just have to get someone else to take my son to him and bring him back..

[star1234]

I'm sorry to hear you had to endure that. It seems like you have a good head on your shoulders. Go forward and never look back.

[annalea(:]

Im sorry to hear that and all i can say, is well done!

Well done for kicking him out, its all he deserves!
Ive been through similar stuff with men like that, now that you have come to your senses and kicked him out, taken back the phone, he wont be able to weasel his way back in! You've accomplished the biggest part, confronting him!
He sounds like the kind of guy i used to be with, he would do something wrong or just be downright harsh towards me, i would get upset about it, he would then say things like "don't you love me?", "its your fault" & "i haven't done anything wrong, you have" and all of a sudden your apologising and worshiping him once again. Now we can look back, laugh and think what were we thinking?!

Also, their is no way in hell if he has abused you and social services/police know, he will never have that child, ever!

Fight for your freedom and for your son!
Keep strong
AnnaLea :)
Xxx

[nf1234]

Stop beating yourself up, it could happen to any of us. Obviously you need to totally rid him from your life. You need to block all forms of communication with him. Block his number or change yours and block any other form of communication. I know as much as you hate him right now deep down you want his attention but you need to cut it off clean. Sounds to me like this guy is a HUGE contributor to your anxiety. Get rid of him, start clean, and I am betting your anxiety with drastically diminish. Remember you train people how to treat you. If he hits you and you stay with him he knows he can get away with it again. He won't change and if you get back together with him he will know that he can cheat again and you will get mad but he will get you back. It is a never ending cycle. We can give you all the support and advice you want on hear but none of it matters unless YOU are willing to make the change. You deserve much better, any human being does. Sounds like he needs to be locked up for a while too.

[trinidiva]

I wouldn't even waste any time responding to his text or phone calls, unless you need to discuss something regarding your separation. He is playing games with you and will continue to if you let him, that won't change, trust me.
Don't spend too much time worrying about the past, because you can't change that....
I'm hoping that you will be strong and get through this....don't let him continue to disrespect you, you deserve better than what you've told us.

[PanicCured]

Camilla, you remember you told me if I offered you advice you would listen to me?

"Then he bust my nose with a bottle"

END OF STORY! Nothing else you need to think about except for a restraining order and a police report.

Do not think he will change. I don't care how angry and drunk I can get, I would never punch a woman let alone bust her nose with a bottle.

Now I am assuming he really did what you said and took a bottle and cracked it over your nose. I am assuming he has beat you before too. If I am misunderstanding this please let me know.

But all women listen to me, a guy punches you out of anger, you leave immediately and never look back! You get a restraining order that day and cut off all contact. Do not go back to him no matter ow much he begs and pleads which he will.

Cutting all contact n every way is the only way to get over a break up!

[funkstarsista]

Get out now and never ever look back, you are worth so much more than that.
Do not EVER blame yourself or think what's wrong with me? the way women tend to do :(
There is something wrong with him, not you, he has no morals and he is selfish and has a lot of growing up to do.
Karma will sort him out down the track.
Don't wallow in the mud with him or you will get dirty.
There is someone out there who is perfect for you.
In the meantime be the best you that you can be and love yourself and be a whole person, then you will attract the love you want.

X

[PanicCured]

What is wrong with her is that she is in this reltionship.

Camilla, please get a qualified therapist and work through very deep issues. You probably are co-dependent and have daddy issues who was most likely abusve in some way. Whatever it is, unless you dig deep and deal with these issues, the next guy will end up like this same guy. You need therapy.

Cut off all contact including changing your number and no texting and block him from everything. all matter with your kid only deal with the courts. Do not contact him or respond to him ever! Let the law deal with it since they will surely be on your side. File a restraining order and a police report for domestic abuse. At least he will see he can't just get away with this and maybe you can help the next girl who he may beat or kill.

Ladies listen to me: A guy beats you in any way get out right then and there is no going back no matter what!

For Everyone else, when you break up and it's a difficult one, cut off al contact completely. That is how you do it. Maybe 6 month slater you can be friends but not until ten. But for Camilla, no communication should be allowed at all. She should be dealign with a lawyer, a judge, police and social services right now.

[dazza]

You deserve much better, any human being does.

ANY human?

What about the guy in question? does he?

[camilla91]

amilla, please get a qualified therapist and work through very deep issues. You probably are co-dependent and have daddy issues who was most likely abusve in some way.

^that is weird that you said that how did you know?
When he bust my nose with the bottle I took him to court, for the first ever time, he got 12 month probation, 8 weeks tag, 175pound fine and he has to go to a domestic violence course.
I took him back after the first instance of cheating, and after he bust my nose, he pleaded guilty in court and said that's his way of saying he knows he's done wrong and won't do it again, I believed him. The same as with the cheating, he was 'lonely and felt rubbish' because I was poorly. I was bloody ill he cheated yet it was my bloody fault?
I shouldn't have ever took him and back and believed his downright lies.
I'm sick of being walked over now.
I was happier then I've been for years when we split up after the nose thing, even with anxiety still in my life I was really happy, he came back my anxiety shot up and I'm having bad days all over again.
I'm taking the steps now to get him out of my life.
I'm going to discuss with the social services what my options are and what I can do, I'm also going to ask them to help me move back to where my family is. Thanks everybody for this support it really means a lot!

[PanicCured]

Camilla, listen to me. I am a very intelligent guy. I am all about solutions and this is your solution:

Camilla, you didn't do anything to deserve this and nothing is your fault. The problem is that you are subconsciously attracted guys like tis in your life, and you aren't clear on how you should be treated. You will probably attract another guy in your life who has these tendencies without proper long-term therapy. There are many woman who get beat up multiple times, and the guy cries and admits he is wrong, and they take him back year after year.

"he was 'lonely and felt rubbish' because I was poorly." Good. Let him die a lonely life. Not your problem!
"I shouldn't have ever took him and back and believed his downright lies." You shouldn't have even heard his side of the story and got him 100% our of your life for good that instant and a restraining order.
"I'm sick of being walked over now. " Your subconscious isn't
"I'm taking the steps now to get him out of my life. " NO! Get him out of your life NOW! Not steps to get him out. Never communicate in any way shape or form for the rest of your life. Not even to hear his side or his apologies. DONE!

Go to the police and file a report for domestic violence. Get a restraining order. Get a lawyer to deal with your kid. Change your phone number, move back with your family, do not let him know where you are. Block him on Facebook, Twitter, email, etc. The only people you talk to about this are police, Social services, lawyer, courts. Get full custody so he doesn't beat your kid and bust his nose.

Get a qualified therapist that can help you sort through your co-dependancy and daddy issues. It will take minimum 6 months. Anxiety will start to subside as you heal these wounds. Much much later after you have healed, any red flag in any way from any guy you date that is the slightest possibility they are abusive, run to the hills. Get a professional boring guy with good values. But not now. Don't date now.

Do all these things and you are on the road to recovery. There is no other way to do this. I don't care how lonely, horny or low you feel, never communicate with him again.