Routine Life

[harleygrl8]

I swear most days im scared of my own shadow.... I am so tired of being so fearful of so many things.... Havin been this way for 6yrs now and only one of those years i would say my panic/anxiety was non existent. And thats only because my days were routine and i was alone so i didnt let anything or anyone in to mess up my routine. I was doing sooo good I thought I was ready to finally again have someone in my life..... it only took 2mo an I was triggered back into having weekly if not daily panic attacks. I just hate this!!! Alls i want is to be happy and feel safe, and those days are few n far between. So i try each day to create a positive routine yet I have not as of yet found that balance.... sigh

[dazza]

This obsession over routine is proably a form of OCD. Do you know you have OCD?

OCD is an amplification of what most ordinary folk exhibit.
E.g. most people like routine, but they don't obsess over it.

Can I ask - have you lived alone for a long time or have you lived with others?

[harleygrl8]

Yeah i know all about ocd..... i use to check light switches, doors, oven controls ova n ova again. Thing is once my anxiety manifested all those ocd things i use to do went away.... So im prone to ocd but this is different, i can accept change i just have to find my own calmness in a routine. Yes i have lived alone and when im alone i do better... to the point of not needing my xanax ta cope, i loose it though about 3mo into every relationship i have ever had. Because i worry to much, ova analyz everything, loose my since of self etc..... im tryin to work on that n therapy but its not a quick fix... :/